So, of course my boss scheduled me to work all of the days that I need to be out of town for my audition. Awesome 😦 The thing is, and this may be my raging hormones and cramps speaking, but part of me thinks this happened on purpose.

Now, I’m not saying my boss is malicious. But when I talked to my boss this evening (boss wanted to know if I could work an extra shift next week), my boss completely brushed me off when I asked about having those days off for the audition.

The real kicker is, I went to check the work schedule for that week and there are 6 unassigned shifts that do not conflict with the times I asked off, and yet those were unassigned and I was given the conflicting shifts. And, our scheduling website doesn’t work with Firefox, so I can’t even fix anything from my computer. I tried my mom’s PC, but I won’t be able to fix my schedule via computer until next weekend. But I NEED to buy my plane ticket NOW.

I made a list of times I could work that week and I am going to talk to my boss tomorrow in person and see if there is any possible way I could have some of the unassigned shifts and my boss put my shifts up for open shifts for the seasonal people.

If it was anything but this audition, I would forget the whole thing, because this is becoming too much of a hassle. But I want to go to this audition. I NEED to go to this audition. Even if I don’t make it (which, chanes are I’m not… let’s be realistic here), I want to at least know that I tried.

Now, I am a healthy person with a job, (expensive) health insurance, a loving family and a decent education. I really have no room to complain about my life. It’s pretty awesome. But there is a part of me that is desperate for something extraordinary to happen (*she types as the tears start flowing…* damn hormones). And that something extraordinary is this audition. The chance to be part of something much bigger than myself. And even if that experience falls through after that audition (it’s an epic shot in the dark, folks), at least I will have tried. I won’t have to ever look back with regret, wishing I would have stepped outside of my comfort zone and just tried.

I keep thinking back on everything that did and did not happen this year. And I look at where I am right now. And this for sure is not where I thought I would be (i.e. living on the bottom floor of my parents house working retail while working on my thesis proposal, still). I had higher hopes for myself than this. But somewhere along the way, little pieces of me just started breaking and I really think this crazy audition is going to help glue me back together, or at least get the gluing process started.

I worked on thesis stuff today. I started coding, even though I haven’t really gotten the go ahead from my thesis chair. But I just needed to work on something… make myself feel like I’m moving forward with this. It’s so hard being so far away from a school setting, so I’m trying to make this work.

I should be asleep by now. It’s 9:00 and I should be asleep, as I have to be up at 5:15 to leave at 6:30 for work at 7:45. We have so much snow and the roads are supposed to be horrible. So, I should get going. I refuse to cry myself to sleep, so I will likely read a magazine or something for a few minutes. Or maybe watch this for the third time today:

Doesn’t that just make you smile?

Have a good one