Oh Jesus.

First off, Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂 I went and saw The Vow w/my mom. My favorite part of the movie was the trailer for Titanic that they showed before the movie actually started…

So, tonight’s episode of Glee was “Heart”

(SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED IT YET)

First off… As soon as I saw Max Adler’s name in the opening credits, I knew exactly what his story line was and how it was going to play out. My heart broke when my predictions came true … I hope we get some resolution next week. (But more on that in a bit)

So, Valentine’s episode of Glee. This episode, while chock-full of good songs, was nowhere near as amazing as last year’s Valentine’s episode, “Silly Love Songs.”

To be perfectly honest, I am having a hard time remembering how tonight’s episode started because my mind is reeling from some plot points that happened and some that likely won’t but seriously need to. So, my plot lines are likely going to be a bit out of order and all over the place, but the end result will be the same… I promise.

It’s Valentine’s at McKinley and next week is Regionals.

While everyone is being all lovey-dovey, poor Kurt is sitting alone at the piano with the words “World’s Greatest Love Songs” written on the dry-erase board behind him. Don’t worry Kurt, we miss your boyfriend too :/ (In fact, listen to Jim Cantiello’s Glee-cap from last week’s episode, “Spanish Teacher.” ALL OF THIS IS TRUE.)

The Glee kids need to raise $ for costumes and hairspray. Mr. Schue suggests they do singing Valentine’s-grams (or something like that). The kids groan and remind us that when they did that at Christmas last season, they got shoes and food thrown at them. Luckily, Sugar Motta’s dad is rich, so she hands Mr. Schue a stack of cash and then announces that her dad is throwing her a V-day party at Breadstix (temporarily named “the Sugar Shack”) and that no single people are invited. Cue the single people scrambling to get a date the rest of the episode (i.e. Artie & Rory both want to go with Sugar).

I think right after the “glee” title card, we find Finn and Rachel entering the auditorium, both with notes signed by Mandy Patinkin (be still my heart!). Turns out, Rachel’s dads wanted to surprise the two of them and congratulate them on their engagement. They say that they want to have a big family dinner with the Hudson-Hummels. Yay for Burt & Carole 🙂 Rachel’s dads are played by Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stokes Mitchell – two performers whom I love dearly. Sadly, they will be underused in this episode, even though they actually appear a lot…

Anyway,

In the hallway, Brittany approaches Santana with a computer. Santana asks what’s up and Brit says that she was making Satana a mix CD of all the songs that remind her of Santana, but that she only made it this far in the process before she needed help. It’s a sweet little exchange and as they lean in to kiss, Principal Figgins yells “TEEN LESBIANS!” at them in an authoritative voice and the two girls are then in his office. He tells them that PDA is not allowed because someone complained.

I’m glad the writers allowed Santana to be the voice of reason when she went on how there is a double standard that she can’t be shown kissing her girlfriend, but that (the grossness that is) Finnchel can make out in the hallway and it’s fine.

Sometime during the episodes, the Glee kids are in the lunch room at a table and they are talking about who is going to take who to the dance. Puck’s going with a whole sorority. Kurt still only has eyes for Blaine and is fairly confident Blaine is sending him love notes from his recovery bed (seriously, how long is this kid out because of eye surgery? Oh Blainers…). Kurt is approached by a person in a gorilla suit and is handed yet another card signed “Your Secret Admirer” and gets some balloons. (More on this later…)

This week we FINALLY get some Mike/Tina time 🙂 They sing an ADORABLE duet of “L-O-V-E” (audio only)… which is sadly undercut by a montage of Rory and Artie trying their damnedest to woo Sugar. Can’t we just get some Mike and Tina w/o interruption? Can’t we get legit Mike and Tina scenes. We know they can do more than sing and be all cute with each other. I need a whole Mike/Tina episode to make up for the epic lack of these two this season.

Artie stepped up his pursuit of Sugar by singing her “Let Me Love You” (audio only) while the other Glee boys (minus Rory) backed him up. I forgot how much I love this song, since i hadn’t heard it in forever!!! Gosh, good times… Sugar fell for it as much as I did and she had heart eyes for Artie for a bit.

So, remember that time when Samuel Larson won The Glee Project over the summer? Well guess who FINALLY showed up on the show… now, I thought he was supposed to play Puck’s cousin, but evidently he’s playing an uber-Christian named Joe who is in the God Squad w/Mercedes, Sam and Quinn.

The God Squad took over where the Glee kids left off – singing Valentine’s-grams for $10 to raise $ for charities. Their first number of the night was “Stereo Hearts,” which they sang to Rachel (from Finn) out in the courtyard. I thought this was a cute number… Samuel was one of my favorite contestants on The Glee Project, so I’m glad to see him in action on the show. (Plus, he’s super adorable… ngl.)

After their song, Santana approached the group and asked them if they’d sing for anyone. Joe said yep and Santana slid a $10 bill in his guitar and said she wanted them to sing a song for her girlfriend, Brittany. Joe’s face screwed up into a confused/concerned/unsure look as the screen cut to black and we cut to commercial.

In the choir room, Rory tells the glee kids that his Visa was denied to be renewed for the next school year, so that after this school year, he has to go back to Ireland. He sings a tearful rendition of “Home” (audio only) and everyone gets misty. Sugar feels bad for him, and asks him to be her date on Valentine’s Day. (Was Rory lying about having to go back to Ireland just to get Sugar?? Who knows/cares?)

I think then there was a Samcedes scene (again, I apologize for being super out of order with the plot points tonight… the show was a jumble of plots, songs, and feelings, so it’s kinda all over the place). Sam gives Mercedes a figurine of St. Valentine (well, really a wise man that he painted to be St. Valentine). She tells him that she told Shane (her boyfriend) about her and Sam and how he (Shane) cried about it. Poor Shane. Mercedes shouldn’t have cheated on him (but to be honest, I’m not a fan of his character… so if this means we’ll see less of him, I’m all for it). Mercedes tells Sam that she can’t be with him. Poor Sam. But, she’s right… she needs to figure out some stuff first. (btw – I love Amber’s singing voice, but I still stand by my opinion that she is not the strongest actor on this show. Some episodes she nails it, in the acting department, but this unfortunately was not one of them.)

As Sam walks away from her locker, Mercedes starts singing “I Will Always Love You.” I knew this song was in this episode, but it still caught me off guard and I cringed a bit. Amber sang it beautifully and with so much heart and feeling… but I know I’m still nowhere near over my grief for the late, great, Whitney Houston. I wish the Whitney dedication came right after this segment of the show instead of at the end of the episode. This song is epic, and was perfect for tonight’s episode… but I still had all the Whitney feelings 😦

Sometime at school, there is another meeting of the God Squad. They have a conversation about whether they want to sing to gay people. Mercedes, Sam and Quinn are fine with it, but Joe has to think about it. They have a super weird conversation about how 1 in 10 people is gay, so one of the 12 apostles was probably gay, and Mercedes claims it was probably Simon b/c his name is the gayest. The group gets a little preachy about the Bible and interpreting pieces of it aren’t as black and white as it seems. Quinn mentions how the Bible says eating lobster is wrong, but there’s nothing in there about slavery. (Wrap your mind around that…)

Then we spent some time at the Berrys house… Leroy and Hiram sang an all to short snippet of (audio only) “You’re the Top” (ugh, did they have to have Rachel sing too on the show…). I could watch Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stokes Mitchell sing and make heart eyes at each other forever… but alas. I was glad that Finn and Carole seemed to thoroughly enjoy the performance. Burt looked so out of place. (God, I love Burt Hummel)

They all had dinner and Finn asked Rachel’s dads how they met. I was hoping for a more drawn out and adorable story. Alas.

After dinner, both sets of parents told their kids that now since they are getting married and everything, that they were going to sleep with each other. The kids eyes bugged out as Carole explained she packed Finn an overnight bag.

Finn and Rachel went up to Rachel’s room. She took forever to do her nightly routine and when she was finished, Finn said he had to go to the bathroom. Rachel freaked b/c he was about to poop in her house, in her bathroom, while she was right there. They squabbled for a bit about how they will have to live together and deal with these sorts of things.

Downstairs, Rachel’s dads finally revealed to the audience that they are using reverse psychology on the kids in hopes they will fight enough now to ultimately call off or at least postpone the wedding. (OH YEAH – I forgot – Finn and Rachel told the rest of the Glee club about their engagement. Some of the kids were happy for them, while others were not so much… Kurt and Quinn are on Team No. As am I… yikes.)

Rachel and Finn seem to make up and have a conversation as they awkwardly spoon on her bed. They finally realize that they are running late for Sugar’s party at Breadstix. When they get downstairs, her dads ask about their fight. Finnchel expresses that they are closer than ever, that Finn is going to spend the night at his own house, and that the wedding is set for May, after Nationals. UGH.

At Breadstix, we see that the place is decorated for V-Day.

Kurt shows up early, Valentine’s card from his Secret Admirer in hand. A waitress tells him he’s early, but he said he thought he was on time to meet his cutie, though he seems to be running late. She says otherwise and nods over to the gorilla standing by the door.

My heart dropped when the person in the gorilla suit took of the mask to reveal that it was Dave Karofsky. (Sadly, as soon as I saw Max Adler’s name in the opening credits, I KNEW he was going to be in the gorilla suit, and I knew he was going to be Kurt’s Secret Admirer).

My heart stayed dropped as Kurt soon realized that Dave, not Blaine, was the sender of the Valentine’s. They sat down and Karofsky basically poured out his little heart and told Kurt that he loved him. Kurt, as confused as the rest of us, asked how that could be… they hadn’t talked/seen each other since Scandals (episode 3×5… you know, the episode where Kurt and Blaine went to the gay bar with Sebastian and then later Kurt and Blaine had sex for the first time…). Kurt tried to let Dave down gently, saying he liked him as a friend, but how he was with Blaine. Dave’s heart broke… man, when he reached for Kurt’s hand. Poor guy 😦 Even worse, after Kurt let Dave down and they got up to leave, Nick (not Warbler Nick, another Nick) recognized Karofsky and insinuated that he and Kurt were together. Both he and Kurt denied it (Karofsky is not out to anyone his age but Kurt, Blaine, and Santana… remember?), but as Karofsky stormed out, I have a HUGE feeling that something is going to happen to him because of this Nick guy during next week’s episode. I predict either Karofsky is going to get bullied to the point of hospitalization, or he might attempt suicide. (These are just hunches… repeat JUST HUNCHES… but they wouldn’t bring Karofsky back like they did tonight unless his character arc is going somewhere/something big is going to happen to him.)

After Dave left, we cut to Sugar’s party in full swing. Poor Kurt is still by himself. (Where is your boyfriend, yo?)

The God Squad finally makes good on Santana’s request that they sing her girlfriend a song. (Joe’s rationale is that love is love, man). So, we get a cute mashup of “Cherish/Cherish” (audio only) and I am a happy camper. I like Brittana, and I’m glad they are together on the show… but that last kiss was hella awkwardly shot, don’t you think? Santana’s head was basically sideways… Really, I was just super glad they FINALLY sang The Association on the show! (“Cherish” is legit one of my favorite songs of all time. ALL TIME.)

After the song, Sugar got the mic and introduced the welcome return of our pirate king… BLAINE’S BACK!!

Blaine, in a Jason Mraz hat and heart-shaped eye patch, was back! He ripped off his eye patch, jumped up on stage and lead the girls (and ultimately Kurt) in a rendition of “Love Shack.” It was all sorts of cheese ball, but I’m just glad to see Darren back on the show. (This was, by far, NOT one of my favorite Blaine performances. We were so spoiled after last year’s Valentine’s episode that “Love Shack” paled in comparison to “When I Get You Alone” and “Silly Love Songs”).

I’m losing so much faith in this show, that I’m really just hanging on because of Darren and Mike O’Malley. So… Blaine’s back. What I need now is a scene between Blaine and Kurt discussing Kurt and Dave’s conversation at Breadstix. Were I a betting woman, I would bet that this isn’t going to happen… because the writers love leaving HUGE-ASS HOLES in the plot.

Bah.

Anyway,

The episode ended and next week is Regionals. I.E. The return of the Warblers. I.E. The Winter Finale… we’re not getting new Glee until April. This pisses me off to no end. Here is the promo for next week.

(END SPOILERS)

So yeah… Glee.

Well, I should get going… I have to be up early for work.

Have a good one

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