I have had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows this week. Right now I’m in my lowest of lows, hence the me feeling sorry for myself post.

I told you not to read it.

Having my car with me in New York is the worst thing ever. I thought it wasn’t going to be so bad because the girl whose room I took over said she had her car here and never had trouble finding parking.

Well – yay for her.

The other night, I was walking home after a meeting and I passed my car (which I tend to do to check up on it) and saw that there were signs up for cars to move by 10:00 or else they’d be towed because they were going to be filming a tv show in my neighborhood. It was 9:45 when I saw this sign… they must have been posted while I was at work earlier in the day. So, that night, I spent over an hour and a half trying to find a parking spot. (Mind you, I still haven’t slept much by this point, so I am dead tired and was ready to be in bed well over an hour before.) At about minute 60, I could feel tears building up. I was already screaming at other cars and fire hydrants by this point (my windows were up, don’t worry). But, I literally had no idea what to do or where to go. So, I pulled into the McDonald’s parking lot and burst into tears. Then I called my mom. Then I cried some more. Then I decided I’d try to find a parking garage somewhere and then take the subway back to my neighborhood. I GPSed a parking garage in an area I was familiar with and drove there only to find it didn’t exist anymore. (Thanks a lot, Google.) So, I decided that I would drive back to my neighborhood and park in an area where I would have to wake up at 6 or so in order to move my car before it could get towed. By time I got to my apartment it was past 12:30am. I didn’t sleep (of course) b/c I was worried I would miss my alarm.

Luckily I didn’t miss my alarm and was able to move my car.

However, today when I went to move my car again (there is street sweeping on Thursday and Friday, depending on what side of the street you’re parked on), my car wouldn’t start. I turned it over and a bunch of lights flashed and it made weird clicking sounds. The Internet said it was likely my battery was shot (even though the guy at the auto place a couple months ago said my battery was awesome). I called my mom for a second opinion – she thought battery too.

FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

Since I’m not working full time yet, money is a huge problem for me. I have some saved up, but I am literally watching every penny. And after the crap week I had (the tv show parking snafu was just one thorn in my side), I just could not wrap my head around the fact that now I’ll have to drop some $$ for a car battery.

Luckily there is an auto place 2 doors away from my apartment and a super nice man there who helped me out (he jumped my car and then said if I ever needed anything to come see him… which I did 10 minutes later when my battery died again. He’s going to fix my car today or tomorrow and then let me know when he’s done.).

His niceness, however, did not stop me from bursting into tears as soon as I got back to my apartment. Which is where I am now… sitting on my bed, crying and looking a hot mess (I need a shower, especially b/c I’m babysitting tonight and I want to make a good first impression on the parents.).

I just really wish I had more things figured out. I wish I had a full time job that paid awesomely. Right now I have a job that’ll be close to full time, but that won’t start for a few weeks (as in, in the last two weeks, I only worked 18 1/2 hours). And, it doesn’t pay as much as I need it too. I have a few smaller jobs lined up (babysitting, a potential freelance writing gig that pays, like, 8 cents a word), but I really wish I could earn a job somewhere that will pay all my bills and allow me to put something away into savings. As it is, I will barely be scraping by – and that’s only when the job I have now goes almost full-time. Which won’t happen (if at all) for another couple weeks. (The job I got hired for a month or so ago doesn’t exist anymore… which really sucks because that was most of the reason why i moved here to begin with. So, now i’m stuck in this other job, which it’s great to have a job, but it’s not steady yet and it’s definitely not the best use of the five years I spent in undergrad and grad school.)

I have applied to so many jobs over the past week, it’s ridiculous. And I’ll keep applying to so many jobs. I really don’t want to take another retail job, but if things don’t start looking up soon, I might have to. And that breaks my soul even more than it already is broken (which is quite a bit by this point).

I did just get a text from a friend saying we should have a picnic tomorrow. It’ll be nice to see friends, even if I really shouldn’t be going on a picnic. But, part of me thinks if I don’t get out of my apartment and interact with friends, then I am going to snap or explode or the like.

I’m just so tired.

I probably shouldn’t complain. I know there are people out there who have it way worse than me. But, it’s just super rough being far away from family, and not sleeping, and worrying about money all the time. Good thing I get to see my extended family this weekend – I could really use a hug.

have a good one

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