(NOTE – this was originally posted on my Tumblr on 9/21/12… I’m reposting it on here b/c more people come to this blog to read my Glee-caps than my Tumblr account)

 

Ugh. Glee.

 

I can only hope that 4×2 – Britney 2.0 was one of those crappy episodes that they whipped together and smacked in between two better episodes. Like, the season premiere was pretty good… here’s hoping next week’s episode is good too b/c Britney 2.0 was on the wrong side of Meh.

SPOILERS under the cut

 

(btw – sorry I change tenses a lot during this… I’m tired and there was a lot to complain about, okay?)

The show opened with Brittany doing a voice over… or what she thought was a voice over. She was staring forward and talking to herself. Blaine even asked, “Who are you talking to?” And she responded that she thought she was doing a voice over. Oy.

 

Brittany quoted the infamous, “It’s Britney, bitch.” (Or in her case, I guess it was “It’s Brittany, bitch.”). HeMo then launched into an energetic Cheerio-inspired version of “Hold it Against Me.” This was one of the better executed numbers of the night. The Cheerio routine was precise (and chock-full of suggestive hip/pelvic moves). This showed some Kitty vs. Brittany rivalry, which everyone knew was going to happen.

After the routine, Brittany was called into Sue’s office and Sue kicked her off the Cheerios for having bad grades (for example, she got an F- on her Algebra test… how is this girl still in school, let alone in high school?). Sue’s tough love was completely warranted, to which Brittany said, “Tough love feels a lot like mean.” Guess what, Brit? SUCK IT UP.

After the “glee” title card (it’s sad when that’s one of the best few seconds of the show – oh snap), Brittany is in her room Skyping with Santana. Brittany asks if they can scissor-Skype. (Note, this is the second time in the past 2 episodes that scissoring is mentioned, and the 3rd time on the show… yet Klaine NEVER talks about the physical part of their relationship… in fact, later in the episode, Brittany says she has lady sex with Santana. But Klaine? Nope… no dialogue confirming their physical relationship. This is a horrible double standard and it’s getting super old super fast. #endrant) But, there is no time and they stop Skyping. Also, Lord Tubbington is there on the bed in a leather coat.

(See how unenthusiastic this episode has made me – yikes stripes, yo.)

Meanwhile, at NYADA, Cassandra July (who I am going to refer to as CJ from now on) is teaching her dance class how to tango (i.e. sexy dance). She tells Rachel to practice her jazz hands in the corner b/c Rachel lacks sex appeal and they are one guy short. Rachel is wearing a pink shrug over her black leotard. Girl needs to stop with the pink already.

Back at McKinley, Wemma is concerned about Brittany. Mr. Schue wants Brit to meant with Emma, but Brit declines and then walks herself out of the office doing another audible “voice over.”

Then Mr. Schue has a great idea (well, he thinks it is, anyway) and announces that the glee club has to perform at the back to school pep rally, so the theme is Britney 2.0 to hopefully inspire Brittany. (This parallels S2E1 when they are to perform at the pep rally… though during that episode, Mr. Schue wanted them to sing Adult Contemporary stuff like Christopher Cross… which would have been AWESOME. Like Mr. Schue, “Sailing” is my jam. But I digress…). In order to get the kids inspired, he had Artie and Blaine prepare a number. They sing a mashup of “Boys/Boyfriend” (which is Britney and Bieber… ew) and it is my favorite 2 minutes of the episode, by far. Blaine and Artie should duet all the time… with their sweaters/sweater vests and adorable dorkiness. I really liked how a lot of Blaine’s “dancing” incorporated a chair so that he was on the same level as Artie for a lot of the song. It was kind of boy bandy, but not to the extent I hoped it would be. (I still giggled uncontrollably, so…)

 

Back in Brooklyn, Kurt and Rachel are riding bikes around their new place… a ginormous flat in Buskwick for $1800/month. They eat pizza (as Rachel muses how NY Dominos is better than Lima Dominos) and talk. Kurt tells her that Blaine said the glee club is doing Britney music (you know, as excited as Kurt was for Britney music – he was the one to suggest it last year – he NEVER had a Britney solo… #justsayin). He also tells her that he’s okay with not getting ito NYADA right away. He plans to audition for the second semester, but for the time being, he applied to work at Vogue.com. (Oh Kurt, I know you’ll get this job next week, but it’s super frustrating when you only apply to one school or one job. You need backup plans, buddy. Also, what pisses me off… I’ve been in NYC for 6 weeks now and still haven’t landed the job of my dreams, let alone a steady job, so I frown upon Glee writers for their unrealistic story lines, of which there were MANY this episode.)

Rachel complains to him about class and he is surprised she hadn’t heard about CJ’s Broadway backstory. She was in a revival of Damn Yankees and went berserk on an audience member whose phone went off during the performance. Kurt also tells Rachel that if CJ wants sexy then to give her sexy (he suggests not wearing a bra to class… oh, Kurt).

Back at McKinley, Marley sees Jake talking to Tina. It’s beyond obvious that she likes Jake (thank you for shoving that ship down our throats, Glee producers). When Marley confesses this to Unique, Unique tells her that Jake is a womanizer. And then guess what? THEY SING “WOMANIZER”. And it’s lame. They follow Jake around the school as he flirts/interacts with girl after girl after girl until Marley finally gets it. But guess what? Sweet little Marley still likes him. They are kindred spirits in a way. So when Jake asks her to hang out sometime, she agrees without even batting an eyelash.

 

Then in New York, it’s one of the scenes that I was on set for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brody is doing sit ups/crunches on a park bench and Rachel approaches him and asks him for a favor – to dance with her. He tells her that upper classmen aren’t supposed to, but he agrees to do it anyway (b/c he likes her, duh).

(So, yeah, I got to watch this scene get shot. It took a couple hours b/c they shot it from a bunch of angles, but it was really fun to watch. We thought it was for a later episode, so it was a surprise for me to see it last night. I might have screamed at my TV. The guy that plays Brody is super attractive – obviously – but he’s even more attractive in person. Arm muscles… just, arm muscles.)

 

Back in the choir room, Sam, Tina and Joe sing an acoustic version of “3.” Buh-what the hell? For me, this was weird. They know they’re singing about threeways, right?

Brittany was equally unimpressed because she got up during the song and walked away. Blaine looked for a moment like he was going to stop her, but he didn’t. (He always seems conflicted… I addressed this last week. That boy needs to act on his instincts more.) Brittany plugs and electric razor into the wall and goes to shave her head but is stopped by Mr. Schue. Then she attacks Jacob Ben Israel in the hall with an umbrella. (Get it… Britney … as if it wasn’t being hammered over your head enough.) Blaine, Tina and Artie watch all this go down in the hallway and Blaine asks if they should do something. They collectively decided to give Brittany the spotlight on the song for the pep assembly.

Also in the hallway is Jake… on a scooter. Mr. Schue stops him and Jake gets all sassy. (This is already getting old too, and it’s only the second episode.) Schue feels bad for not putting Jake into the glee club, but Jake won’t hear him out and he scooters away.

Jake then meets up with Marley on the bleachers. (Very Puckleberry S1E7 or 8, I forget…) Marley calls him out on his projected bad boy image. She tries to convince him to join the glee club because it’s the one place where she can just “be.” They sing a mashup of “(You Drive Me) Crazy/Crazy.” Their voices compliment each other and it’s sweet. I thought it was bold of the writers to have 2 new characters duet, alone on screen without any returning characters. That’s a lot of screen time for people we don’t really know yet. However, since they are trying to force Jarley on us, I knew this was coming sooner or later. I took this scene as redemption for unfulfilled Puckleberry (just like I consider The New Normal as my Klaine substitute as of late… at least those guys get to kiss and talk about serious stuff in their relationship. Epic le sigh.).

In the glee room, Brittany is sitting with her 70oz coffee cup while the rest of the glee kids are standing at the piano trying to convince her to perform lead at the pep rally. She talks into her phone a lot (“Kiki” – her version of “Siri”). She agrees to do the pep rally, but only if she can lip synch. Blaine shakes his head and says that they don’t do that, but she won’t perform unless she can. (I’m pretty sure I was groaning at my television by this point…)

 

In NYC, Brody walks into dance class w/Rachel and CJ is not pleased. (From the way she talks to him/eyes him, you KNOW they have a past. I bet that is going to break Rachel at some point… right?) Rachel, finally dressed all in black (except for her red whore lips) says she has a dance routine to show CJ and then launches into an uncomfortable version of one of my favorite Britney songs, “Oops I Did It Again.” Rachel’s “sexy” dance had a lot of close ups of boobs, crotches, people dry humping tables and whatnot. I thought it was more desperate than sexy… when people try to force themselves to be sexy, it just doesn’t work sometimes. (Like, remember Kurt during “Animal”?) I’m disappointed if this is the kind of cheap visuals we’re going to get now that Glee is in a later time slot. I was hoping for progressive story lines and better content… not Rachel pretending to be skanky.

 

CJ is not super impressed. (See, I’m not the only one.) She tells Brody that he was incredible and Rachel that she was okay. Rachel snaps and says CJ is jealous because she’s a youtube joke . CJ gets pissed and kicks Rachel out.

The McKinley lunchroom is still not safe as jocks continue to make fun of Marley’s mom. Marley tells them to stop but they don’t. So then Jake tells them to stop… and then gets in a fight. (Oh, those Puckerman boys and the fights they cause…) So, Mr. Schue grabs Jake and brings him to the choir room… and there’s Puck!

(I did a happy scream at my television. I miss Puck so much.)

Puck gives his little half-brother a speech about how glee club made him more of a man than getting into fights and breaking the law.

While I was THRILLED to see Puck, this scene bothered me for 2 reasons.

1.     I SWEAR the piano music scoring this scene is the same (or at least) similar music they use for Klaine scenes. I love Puck and Puck loves Klaine, but I’m disappointed they would use that same music for this completely non-Klaine scene.

2.     There is NO WAY Puck would have come in from LA just for this 30 second chat with his brother. (This was the other story line that I found the most ridiculous during this episode.)

Ugh. (more groaning at my television)

In the gym, Figgins announces the glee club at the pep assembly. Before the kids go on, Brittany is not dressed and eating a bag of Cheetos.

 

The actual performance is a mess (though it’s supposed to be). The kids, dressed all in black (they are in t shirts and pants, while Brittany is in a bra and panties like Britney was at the VMAs – I think – that one year…). Brittany doesn’t know the choreography and she’s still eating throughout the performance. The other kids (I was mostly watching Blaine, to be honest) were not pleased. They get through part of “Gimme More” when Kitty points out that they are lip synching. My FAVORITE line of the night was when Stoner Brett stood up and yelled “J’ACCUSE!” Four for you, Stoner Brett.

In the choir room, Schue is beyond pissed that they lip synched the performance because they could get kicked out of the running for competitions. (Oh, darn.)

Back at dance class at NYADA, Rachel (in a red sweater… seriously, I know the costume person does this on purpose, but even this is getting way old too) confronts CJ. CJ passes on some tough love and tells Rachel like it is – CJ doesn’t believe in second chances, but she has to allow Rachel back to class because it’s the school’s policy. So, Rachel gets a warning and is punished by having to wash stuff.

Then, in the sweetest moment of the night, Sam meets up with Brittany in the auditorium and they talk about how she was hitting rock bottom on purpose because she misses Santana. Sam understands and says that he’s her friend. I might have to like Sam this season… (especially after the promo for next week…, but we’ll get to that later).

Brittany walks into Sue’s office and demands she be reinstated into the Cheerios because she’s still senior class president because she didn’t graduate yet. Sue tells her that she’ll put her back on the team so long as she graduates at the end of the year. So, Wemma tutors her and she’s back on the squad.

Back in Brooklyn, Kurt and Rachel are painting their apartment. They don’t have furniture or food, but they have paint for the apartment? COME ON, SHOW, STOP BEING SO STUPID. Rachel painted a big heart on the wall that says “Finn” inside of it (even though she hasn’t heard from him in months). Kurt says the cure for loneliness is cake, so he suggests they go out. As he’s about to leave, Brody is at the door. Kurt leaves them alone and Brody says he took the J train 45 minutes to get to her place. He brings her an orchid (and calls them a sexy plant). He liked dancing with Rachel and tells her she’s sexy. He goes to kiss her, but she stops him. He says he’ll respect her boundaries, but he’ll be thinking about kissing her every time he’s with her. (I would rather ship Brochel than Finchel at this point, so, forget about Finn, Rachel and hop on that Brody Train…).

From one potential ‘shipwreck to another, Jake approaches Marley in the hallway and asks if he can sit by her in glee club. You can tell she gets some butterflies, but then that skank Kitty ruins the moment when she announces that she and Jake are dating. (I literally wrote “F*ck You Kitty” in my notes.) I felt bad for Marley, but know that the writer’s gotta build up that angst so when they kiss in a few episodes (when is fall sweeps?) it’ll be worth the wait.

 

Jake joins New Directions and is weirded out by everyone in the room (I laughed at the Brad closeup!) Marley asks if she could sing one last Britney song. She sings “Everytime” and we get a montage of her being sad about Jake, Brittany being sad about her and Santana, and Rachel painting over her Finn/heart. The episode ends with a close up of the orchid. BROCHEL IS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG (even though we know Finn will be back in Episode 4…).

The promo indicated that Sarah Jessica Parker will be starting next week (her character is from Columbus, so the Ohio tie must be what gets Kurt that dream job…). SJP is from Ohio, btw… I actually lived in the town where she grew up (well after she was already gone, but still). Also, Brittany and Artie challenge Blaine and Sam to a debate. Sam is then shown shirtless and going on about America.

We know Blaine is running for Senior Class President and will be singing “Everybody Wants to Rule the World.” None of that was shown in the promo. Also, Ryan Murphy tweeted that Klaine will be Skyping. I’ll believe THAT when I see it.

I have to miss the episode next week (going to a show…), so my recap will probably be on Saturday.

Until then, have a good one.

(Prayer Circle that Glee gets better…)

 

 

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