If Glease is the word, then I don’t know what to tell you…

I can only hope some Klaine closure (or at least better communication between the two boys) is in the foreseeable future. I don’t even need them to get back together… I just need for them to talk it out. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

(SPOILERS AHEAD… YE BE WARNED)

The show opened with Mr. Schue announcing to his students that he was leaving temporarily and would be back after Sectionals. Tina flipped out (You go, Tina Cohen-Chang! Glad you finally got some dialogue even though you still don’t get m/any solos…) when he said that Finn was in charge. Sue steps in and tells Schue and Finn to go to the principal’s office. She says it’s all a scheme and Finn can’t teach (which he can’t – he’s even more unqualified than Schue). Finn promises he can do it, do it for free (volunteer) and will take the kids to Sectionals. Sue storms out to Carmina Burana and I cracked one of the few smiles to be had during the episode. (That music just kills me when used in context on this silly show.)

After the “glee” title card (oh how I embrace your consistency), we find ourselves in Cassandra July’s dance class (I will henceforth refer to her as CJ). She brings in some upperclassmen to help with the dance lesson and Brody and Rachel immediately pair off together. Rachel tells Brody she got herself an off-Broadway audition for The Glass Menagerie with some crazy/artistic director named Ivan. CJ overhears their conversation and butts in. Rachel then tells CJ that she should audition to get herself back in the game. CJ is offended by Rachel’s suggestion. After class, CJ asks Brody to be a TA, which would require late nights and extra time with her. He agrees to it and this obviously prefaces one of the more awkward/lopsided love triangles of the show.

Meanwhile, back at McKinley, Tina is working with Marley backstage and doing a costume fitting. For some reason, this super skinny girl cannot fit into her costume. A quick flashback reveals that Kitty sabotaged her (of course she did). But, Kitty pretends to play nice and suggests the girls have a sleepover. Marley only agrees to go if Unique can come too (I LOVE the Marley/Unique friendship. LOVE IT.).

In the lunchroom, Marley asks her mom when she started to get big, fearing genetics are going to catch up with her sooner rather than later and she’ll end up looking like her mother. (In reality, Kitty messed with Marley’s costume and Marley is not gaining weight, but she doesn’t know that…) Marley’s mom basically admits that she ate her feelings and Marley worries that she (Marley) is going to become obese. Her mom says, “I raised a star. You have control over your life and body,” and then encourages her daughter to fight for it. Then the mother suggests they go on a diet together. Marley is rail thin and does not need a diet, but she has it implanted in her brain because of the tight costume and her mom’s weight that she too is on the road to obesity. (And thus begins this episode’s launch into eating disorders…. While I admire Glee for trying to tackle socially relevant issues, I wish they wouldn’t just stick it in an episode unless they plan on completely following through with it. See also: Coach Bieste’s abusive relationship with Cooter.)

Finn walks into the Teacher’s Lounge and finds Sue wanting him to leave. He tries to apologize for calling her baby retarded, but she won’t have it. (Remember in Season 1 when Finn said he would never use that word. Well, he did. And it was bad.) She says there is hate in his heart and then says the glee kids can’t use the auditorium to rehearse the musical and that they would have to find somewhere else.

So… what better place to practice “Greased Lightning” than Hummel Tire & Lube? Mike calls it Method rehearsal and the glee boys launch into a PG version of this manly number. I was glad to see Mike Chang back in the mix and my smitten-ness with Ryder increased tenfold this episode. (Plus, Blake Jenner’s arms are delightful.)

Part of me really wished that Blaine didn’t wig out at his audition and accepted the role of Danny. Not only would it have been a perfect part for Blaine (as his hair is already greased like whoa), but it would have been cool to see Blaine lead this male ensemble in song (alongside his kind of BFF Sam/Kenickie). But alas.

Back in NYC, Kurt was helping Rachel stretch in the dance studio and they talked about going back to Lima to see the musical. CJ walks in and Kurt compliments her abs (they are nice abs – way to go, Kate Hudson). CJ tells them they should go for closure and to see their friends and to have fun, and because it’s Grease. Kurt admits he needs to see Blaine. He hasn’t been sleeping and he’s been living off of Ambien and The Notebook (callback to “Goodbyes,” yo). CJ even offers up her Jet Blue miles to them. Why is she being so nice all of a sudden? (And why hasn’t Kurt communicated with Blaine if he needs to see him so badly? We know Blaine has tried to reach out to him. But that Gilmore Girls box set was returned unopen…)

At Kitty’s sleepover, Marley watches in horror as the other girls and Unique walk in with boxes and cartons of junk food. She asks if there are any healthy snacks and then Kitty drags her into the bathroom and introduces her to two fingers and the toilet. Kitty says you will binge and purge if you love yourself. (I’m pretty sure that’s not loving yourself…). After she leaves Marley in the bathroom to contemplate starting an eating disorder, Kitty puts on a brown wig and newsboy cap and launches into “Look At Me, I’m Sandra Dee.” It’s pretty much a spot-on Grease remake (as are most of the songs in this episode…) and Marley walks in to find the other girls making fun of her. That poor girl :/

The next day at school, Unique (well, Wade since he’s in “boy” clothes) is in Figgins office with his parents. They are not happy that he got cast as Rizzo. They support his life choices, but are scared because it’s Ohio and are worried about their son’s safety. (Unique gets slammed into lockers much like Kurt did during Seasons 1 & 2). His parents pull him out of the play and tell him he cannot wear girl’s clothes at school. Sue orchestrated this whole thing because she wants to derail the musical and keep Wade safe. (I would argue it’s mostly the former than the latter.)

The role of Rizzo is quickly filled when Artie and Finn ask Santana to play the part. She agrees right as Tina runs into the room to offer her own services. She’s pissed that she can’t play the role (“You have got to be kidding me!”), but might I remind you that she refused to audition for the show. So… yeah.

After the commercial break, we find Rachel and Kurt walking down the halls of McKinley, reminiscing. Kurt’s concerned he’ll run into Blaine (Um, Kurt, weren’t you the one who just said a few scenes ago that you needed to see Blaine?). Instead they run into Mercedes and she tells us in one sentence that she is busy with UCLA classes, recording backing vocals and is in contact with Puck. (Oh, if you’re so busy, than how have you been in Lima the last week “helping” with the musical? Oh Glee… your plot rarely makes logical sense.)

Backstage, Marley still can’t fit into her costume. And Kurt/Rachel run into Blaine/Finn… Mercedes excuses herself from the epically awkward foursome and (pardon my French) fucking Finchel takes over the whole scene while Kurt and Blaine painfully look at and away from each other. It was painful for their characters and painful for the audience to watch as these (former?) soul mates could hardly stand to look at each other. Finn brings up that the four of them have a history and he’s glad they’re there. However, Kurt says it was a mistake to come and the foursome dissolves.

A bunch of the musical goes by that we don’t see because the first music number we come upon is “Beauty School Dropout.” Blaine makes a perfect Teen Angel (though one could argue the vocals were a little low for Darren, but he still killed it). He looked so handsome and suave in his white pants and gray sweater. Sugar was basically a stand in for the whole of the Blaine-loving audience when she turned to putty under his gaze. Blaine loses his cool for half a second when he spots Kurt in the audience, looking on with dead eyes. In that moment, I felt like throwing up as much as Kurt looked like he just threw up. (I have all the Blaine feels all the time, okay?)

Speaking of throwing up… Ryder finds Marley in the bathroom, gagging herself over the toilet. He tells her to stop and then launches into a story about his cousin who tried to lose weight. It gets serious and he tells her his cousin took laxatives. When it gets to the climax of the story, Marley asks if he died. No… he crapped himself in front of the whole school. (Cue laughter.) Ryder (my sweet, sweet Ryder) tells Marley she shouldn’t do what she’s doing because “I don’t want to kiss a girl who has puke on her breath. Not on stage or later.” (AWWWWWWWWW, Ryder.)

So, Marley sings the reprise of “Look At Me, I’m Sandra Dee” and walks herself from the bathroom to the stage where she is eyed by Ryder and Jake (I’m Team Ryley, 100%).

After the commercial break, we find Santana prepping to go onstage in her Rizzo outfit. Brittany approaches her and said she’s glad Santana is back as both girls miss each other a lot. Santana reveals she agreed to do the show so she could see Brittany again. Brittany says she’s not dating anyone and Santana is glad, though says she would be okay with it if she was. And then Brittany says something that broke my heart (even though I am not a Brittana shipper…), she said that their breakup hurts most on Fridays because that was their date night. (Sadness…)

Santana is sad and then starts singing “There Are Worse Things I Could Do.” Her vocals are juxtaposed with Unique sitting in the audience (poor Wade) and CJ dancing/kissing/flirting with a very shirtless Brody. (Really, CJ? Moving in on a much younger man because you’re jealous of Rachel Berry? Or maybe not jealous, but super spiteful? Gross.)

From angst to Tike, Mike tells Tina she is doing great as Jan and that maybe they shouldn’t have broken up. Tina likes who she is after the breakup, but admits to missing Mike too. They agree to talk about it. (Finally, some friggin’ communication! GO TIKE!)

Backstage, Ryder sees Marley in her tight black outfit for the musical’s finale. He is just so nice to her and Kitty is so mean. (Kitty needs to leave. Like, now. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.) Ryder tells Marley (for the umpteenth time) not to listen to Kitty. He says, “Look at me. Take a deep breath. You look amazing. You sound amazing. This is going to be amazing.” And then they kiss… and my love for Ryley grows and grows, especially as Jake looks on in disgust.

Back from commercial break, the ensemble launches into “You’re the One That I Want” (and Marley is looking fierce in her outfit… it’s troubling to think that a beautiful person like her is so insecure in herself that she believes Kitty over Ryder). During the song, it becomes a fantasy sequence lead by Rachel Berry (throwback to the pilot… we even get a flashback of Episode 1 Finchel – ugh). All the couples (current and broken up) are paired off and my Klaine-loving heart just wants a few seconds more of the boys together. But alas. Finn thanks Artie for dragging him into co-directing the musical. Confident Finn is definitely better than bumbling Finn.

After the show, Rachel goes to call Brody and CJ picks up (of course). Brody’s in the shower, so CJ gets all bitchy and tells Rachel that Rachel missed out on a hot piece of ass to go back to her old high school and ex-boyfriend. CJ tells Rachel that this is a life lesson and that CJ doesn’t need to get back in the game because she is the game. (Ew.) Rachel hangs up on her and cries.

Finn finds her in the hallway and asks what’s wrong. She says she shouldn’t have come and Finn knows she’s crying over a boy, more specifically Brody. (Finn might not be as dumb as he looks… because he knows Rachel inside and out by this point in their relationship, or lack thereof). He says she used to cry like that for him. Their conversation gets weirdish and they somehow agree that they shouldn’t talk anymore about anything. No contact whatsoever. Finn is sad and confused by this, but I am so ready for Finchel to be over. Especially when they already broke up a bunch of times and I thought they were broken up for real after 4×5. Apparently not really. But who knows? All I know is the episode was ending fast and there was no Klaine scene as of that moment.

Sadly I almost got what I wanted. There was a Klaine scene, but it wasn’t satisfying in the slightest.

Even though at the beginning of the episode is seemed that Kurt wanted to see Blaine, that was obviously not the case anymore. In the hallway after the show, Blaine wants to talk to Kurt, but Kurt says he isn’t interested. Blaine wants to tell Kurt about the guy he hooked up with (there’s that super vague word again…), but Kurt won’t hear it. He rhetorically asks if they just kissed and if it meant nothing and he didn’t care. Blaine says he didn’t care, but that’s not good enough for Kurt. Kurt replies, “Relationships are about trust. I don’t trust you anymore.” And then (with an epic punch to the Klaine gut), Kurt says Rachel was right about how “here” isn’t home anymore and he walks off, leaving Blaine in the hallway.

While I get that Kurt is still super pissed about Blaine cheating on him (and rightly so), I still feel really bad for Blaine that no one is willing to listen to him talk about his feelings or about what he did or why he did it. No one listens to Blaine about anything ever. It’s a wonder his character hasn’t punched a wall or been self-destructive somehow. There’s no way to keep all those feelings inside like that… I know. I’ve been there. (I didn’t cheat on anyone, but I did keep a bunch of feelings bottled up when I was in high school and bad things happened. Like depression. And stress-induced tension headaches and cysts. But I digress.)

Blaine collects himself to join everyone else in the choir room. (I find it hilarious that we all speculated the boy in the purple shirt and waistcoat was Blaine, but it was actually Mike Chang) Mr. Schue gives a speech about leaving and loving the glee kids and how he’s going to miss them. (Blah blah blah) Finn and Schue then walk out and talk about Sectionals. (I cannot f-ing wait until Sectionals. WARBLERS!)

And then the episode ended and we got the promo…

Super Heroes (The episode is called “Dynamic Duets)
Warblers! (Including Blaine singing with them and wearing a blazer again… oh goodness. My body is not ready yet.)
And the Glee kids are not happy about Blaine going back to Dalton… Finn questions him about it and Artie likens him to being taken by the Dark Side

I hope next week’s episode is better than this week’s. I believe this is the episode we find out about Eli C. and what exactly Blaine’s “hookup” entailed.

Prayer Circle for a good plot and not just getting important story lines glossed over.

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