Wow, Glee. Two of your last three episodes have been pretty degrading with regard to the portrayal of some of your female characters. I yelled at my television multiple times… mostly when Tina was on screen. Someone needs to give her the “no means no” speech.

 

Spoilers and heated opinions ahead if you haven’t seen the episode already.

 

The show started off in NYC at Kurt and Rachel’s “Free Sing” class where Rachel seemed to have bogarted all the free time. Kurt’s VO revealed what we already knew – that Rachel has an out of control ego. He gave an epic monologue about how she’s a bad roommate and you honestly can’t blame him for wanting to take her down a few pegs. This scene also introduced us to the other gay guys in their program – gay guys who seem to love Rachel like she was the second coming of Barbra.

 

In Lima, Emma was stressed out about her upcoming wedding to Will (i.e. next week’s episode). Finn found her in the teacher’s lounge and they talk a bit about wedding stuff, and then segue to glee club because Finn thought Will would want the club back right away. Finn was worried about Regionals because it was a much bigger deal than Sectionals. He went on to say that they needed someone with attitude like Rachel and Mercedes were last year. Emma mentioned Blaine (yes, Emma… you are so wise), but then suggested they do a Diva Week to find their inner powerhouse. Wade/Unique and the glee girls challenge each other on who is the biggest diva while elbow patch-wearing Blainers kept trying to pipe in “guys can be divas too.”

 

So, the glee girls and Blaine have their own sort of diva-off… they all are dressed in some sort of couture and doing a lot of ANTM poses while they sing Beyonce’s “Diva.” They also act like jerks to other members of the glee club who are trying to help them get ready for the runway. The song goes “a diva is the female version of a hustler.” So… where does that leave Unique and Blaine? While all the girls looked fierce in their diva outfits, I not so secretly stared at Blaine the whole time. Blaine, donned in an Adam Lambert ensemble, also sported something else we rarely see on Glee… curly hair. Why do the Glee Hair & Makeup people insist on gelling that down?

 

Back in NYC, Kurt and Rachel have a spat in their kitchen when she tells him to make her some tea. Kurt called her out on being a nightmare and she countered back that he’s jealous because the only reason her got an audition was because they are friends. He reminded her that his audition blew her out of the water and then challenged her to Midnight Madness (which Brody will later describe as NYADA Fight Club… though tragically less violent :/).  Rachel scoffed and said she already beat him in one diva-off (Remember when the show was good and they sang “Defying Gravity” in S1? *sigh*). Kurt FINALLY revealed that he threw the competition and could hit the High F. Rachel was stunned because she thought she won fair and square (HA – no) and was equally shocked when Kurt said he did it to protect his dad.  Kurt then told her he wasn’t throwing anything this time around.

 

Back in Lima, Blainers was at his locker looking ill and blowing his nose into a tissue. (It is a crime how adorable Sick!Blaine is…). Still-in-love-with-Blaine Tina marched up to him and gave him a cold fighting kit, which he thanked her for but said he couldn’t take the cold medicine because it would make him woozy. And, being the consummate performer that he is, Blaine couldn’t be less than 100% for his Freddie Mercury number he was going to do for the glee club to show then that guys can be divas too.

 

Cut to Blaine (wearing leather pants, a leather jacket and a jauntily placed leather hat) at the piano singing my favorite Queen song of all time – “Don’t Stop Me Now.” I actually wrote in my notebook, “omg – my lady parts,” which ended up in a scribble as soon as Blaine stood up and kicked over the piano bench. I was unprepared for the air guitaring and the knee bend on the floor… and then I drew a couple pictures of hearts in my notebook and felt like I was in high school again. In my completely biased opinion, this was one of the greatest moments/musical numbers in the history of Glee. If only the rest of the episode were as enjoyable as these 2 minutes… Alas.

 

After Blaine’s inspired performance, Finn and Emma go on some more about divas. Finn compared divas to the Loch Ness Monster or Sméagol. I chuckled at this because to stereotype, divas are supposed to be these beautiful, powerful, headstrong women… and he compared them to monsters and former hobbits.

 

Finn also (re)introduced another diva to the group – Santana. Dressed in her Kentucky college Cheerio uniform, she and some other Cardinal Cheerios sang and danced to “Nutbush City Limits.” As I wrote “take us to CHURCH, Santana” in my notes, I wished we got to hear more of Naya’s voice in seasons past and present. Girl can sing. End of story.

 

Brittany didn’t look super happy to see Santana, but all the boys were certainly ogling her. However, when the song ended, Brit called it the greatest moment in show choir history, but then said she was mad that she didn’t know Santana was in town. Santana turned it on her and said she was mad Brittany didn’t tell her she was dating Sam. (There was a flashback, and it was EVIL TINA who called Santana up and said “One word – Bram.” This was only one of several moments I wanted to smack some sense into Tina during the episode.) Santana then announced to the room that she was dating one of the other Cheerios – Elaine – and said she was out and proud, etc. I instantly smelled a ruse.

 

Back at NYC, Brody told Rachel about NYADA Fight Club/Midnight Madness and said the winner would get the ultimate bragging rights. The other gay guys from Free Sing class talked smack about Kurt to Rachel and she defended him, but not enough to make them stop. Kurt overheard and stood up for himself, “Me, my outfits and turtle face aren’t going anywhere.” (Four for you, Kurt Hummel. Stick up for yourself…. How sad was it that he was getting bullied by people who were exactly like him in every way? Kid can’t catch a break.)

 

Meanwhile, in Emma’s office, she’s giving him a bit of a pamphlet intervention about how Rachel is moving on (her Facebook status is “shacking up,” so she and Brody are obviously super serious at playing house… If I were Finn, I would run in the opposite direction from all things Rachel Berry and start fresh with a less self-involved person. Just sayin’…). Emma tried to talk up the new Math sub as a potential love interest for Finn. He shook her off and commented how Mr. Schue was a lucky guy. Emma then asked Finn to help her pick the centerpiece for the wedding… blue or white flowers. Finn vetoed blue (“color of sad”) and opted for white (“color of pure – like you”) and I scribbled in my notes “this will not end well.” (I wish I weren’t right… but I totally was :/)

 

In the auditorium, Sam found Santana waiting for him on the stage and they have a confrontation about Brittany like she’s some piece of property. Santana (who used to date Sam, remember… though I’m pretty sure it was just to make various people mad/jealous) called Sam boring and told him his impressions suck (lies – all lies) and said Brit shouldn’t be with him. He told Santana he wasn’t going to give up without a fight. They then duet to “She’s Mine” – again, alluding to Brittany like she is something to be owned. Epic le sigh. When the song ended, Sam admitted that he knows Santana still loves Brit, but the best thing for Brit is to be with him right then and asked Santana to let her go.

 

And then the crazy really kicked in… Tina was walking down the hallway and her VO was telling herself that she deserved better with regard to whatever she thought was going down between her and Blaine… but then, she saw him at his locker (his cold is worse and he’s blowing his nose into tissues like a champ) and called him a “precious Tiger Beat shrinkydink.” (Oh my goodness, I wish Tiger Beat was still a thing…). Tina did/said something to which Blaine replied, “Thanks lady, you’re so sweet.” She actually got mad at him for giving her a compliment and told him she didn’t want to be sweet, she wanted to be a badass. Blaine told her there are bunch of Asian divas and promptly listed off a few (snaps for including B.D. Wong – holla!). He then invited her over to his house later to help her pick out a diva song. He swore he would help her, “even if it kills me.” (It might not have killed you, Blaine, but it certainly made sizable pieces of my heart shrivel up and die.) Tina grinned like the stalker person she was becoming and called him “Blainey Days.” I subsequently wrote “NO ME GUSTA” in my notebook.

 

After the commercial break, we found ourselves in Blaine’s impeccably clean room (his Dalton Stepford ways have obviously not left him…) and the first thing I noticed were the several pictures of Kurt and Klaine on Blaine’s nightstand. Even though they are clearly on display for anyone (including Tina) to see, Tina asked “Have you ever been with a girl?” Blaine hadn’t, “No, perfect gold star gay,” but commented how he did make out with Rachel. However, that just solidified his gay-status even more, so we’re quicker to forgive him for that than for cheating on Kurt w/Eli. Blaine does admit that he loves women and thinks they’re beautiful, but he wouldn’t be with them. Tina commented that he’s young and alluded to the fact that he’d grow out of being gay (seriously, Tina?). Blaine offered up his computer and she saw he made her a playlist of diva songs. He was still super sick and very tired, so she told him to lie down. He did and promptly fell asleep on his own bed. Tina Cohen Crazy on the other hand, decided to pour out her feelings for her Gay BFF.

 

Tina confessed she read about divas and how they should be brutally honest. So, she said she’s falling for Blaine and that though it could be a tragic thing, she would be in a sexless relationship with him because it would be worth it. She asked him to say something, but the poor boy was sleeping. So, Tina did what a freaking crazy person would do and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. She then straddled him and started rubbing vapor-rub on him, weeping silently as she stroked the goo across his bare chest. Then, she lay down next to him and snuggled him.

 

HOLD THE FRIGGIN’ PHONE, TINA.

 

This was not okay. Regardless that they are friends, one does not partially undress a sleeping person, straddle him/her, rub medicine on them, and then snuggle them without their consent. This was basically harassment… if Tina was a guy and Blaine was a girl, that would have been a clear-cut example of sexual harassment. Actually, what Tina did was sexual harassment. Oblivious Blaine is unaware that Tina has a massive more-than-crush on him. And in this scene, Tina completely took advantage of him. They didn’t have sex, obviously, but what she did was completely inappropriate. I’m appalled that the writers are writing Tina this way with no consequences thus far. This is the third episode where she has used her crush on Blaine to exploit him in some way. She suggested a whole Men of McKinley calendar to see him as Sexy Santa. Now she’s rubbing Vicks on his chest while he’s passed out. It was really disturbing to watch and I feel horrible for Jenna Ushkowitz for getting the worst character arc of all time.

 

While I tried desperately to unsee what just happened, the show shifted back to NYC. It was Midnight Madness (where Brody was the emcee) and the rules were that after the song, the audience stands behind who they think won (and only silent applause…). “This is not a performance; it’s a blood sport.” (I wish, Brody… you told us this was NYADA Fight Club. I wanted to see Kurt punch Rachel, or at least slap her across the face.)

 

Kurt went first, followed by Rachel (though their singing was juxtaposed so it was like they sang at the same time…) and they both sang “Bring Him Home” from Les Mis. As I’m not a Les Mis Stan, nor do I really like this song (sorry, not sorry), I can honestly say that I thought Rachel sang the song better (as much as I hate Rachel, I like Lea Michele’s voice a bit better than Chris Colfer’s…), but I wanted Kurt to win because I hate Rachel. I also wrote in my notes, “oh hey – Adam is at the sing-off.”  When the song was over, the audience stood behind their person, and Kurt won (though Brody said it was the closest margin in Midnight Madness history).

 

Suck it, Berry.

 

In Lima, Sue had Santana in her office and asked if any of the Glee ex-patriots had jobs because they all seemed to have enough free time to keep popping back in town. Santana said she had a light schedule, but the truth was she dropped out of school a month ago. Sue offered Santana the Cheerios, saying she could take over when Sue was gone. Santana was thinking about taking said offer because she’d be close to Brit and had enough money to by a mansion (remember, her mom gave her money last season for college/grown-up responsibility purposes).

 

And then we were back to Crazy Cohen Chang… she ripped a creepy picture of her and Blaine out of her locker and then stormed over to Blaine. Blaine was happy to see her (and called her “Tay Tay” – ew) and thanked her for the soup. Tina flipped out at him because she did so much for him, but he didn’t appreciate it. (Um… he just said thank you for the soup. And you rubbed medicine on him while he was passed out.) We were then in the courtyard where Tina sang Madonna’s “Hung Up” among a group of dancer people. (And I wrote in my notes – “WTF, Tina? You say you won’t settle, but you never had a chance with Blaine to begin with because he’s gay and he has no idea what is going on with your mood swings because he is too oblivious to realize that you like him like that.”) Blaine was confused but still enamored by the performance. And there was a mid-song wardrobe change. I just shook my head.

 

What happened to nice/non-crazy Tina who helped Mike Chang get into college? I miss her.

 

In NYC, Adam and Kurt are talking in the hallway. (For the record, I am totally fine with them being besties. Adam seems nice. He’s just not going to marry Kurt, that’s all…) Adam was very supportive of Kurt’s performance. Then the mean gay guys from earlier sauntered up and Kurt had none of it – he told them they were obnoxious and that they shouldn’t say bad things about Adam’s Apples because then he would challenge them to a Midnight Madness – and they all know how that turns out. Then, instead of having a meaningful conversation with Adam in the hallway, Kurt saw Rachel looking sad and self-loathing, so he excused himself and went over to her t-shirt wearing self. She’s super down on herself and told Kurt that he should go audition for Funny Girl (oh yeah… the big to-do with them this episode was that there were upcoming auditions for Funny Girl on Broadway. Rachel Berry does not deserve this role, btw. And if the writers give this to her, I will yell at my TV more than I already did.).

 

In the glee club at McKinley, the Diva Award went to Tina. (Well, she was the craziest person this episode… so, she deserved it.) I laughed when Brit said “She’s never won anything!” Because Tina hasn’t… unless getting the most f-ed up plot line ever is winning something.

 

In the hallway, Blaine gave Tina a chocolate rose and said he was waiting for people to recognize she’s a diva. He then apologized to her for not being grateful that she took care of him. He then tells her she’s the most important person to him at the school and that he hasn’t felt that way in awhile (what about Sam?!). Blaine then doubly nailed the lid on his own average-sized coffin when he asked Tina to be his date for Mr. Schue’s wedding the following week. (Oh Blainers, don’t use the word “date” around Tina… she’ll think you two are actually going out. I can’t wait for Kurt to give her a reality check next week.)

 

Meanwhile, at the Bushwick Mansion, Kurt told Rachel he snagged them the last two slots for Funny Girl auditions in 3 weeks. Rachel is still moping about because she realized she’s a diva and people don’t like her (ding ding ding!). Kurt was a much nicer person than he could have been and told her that she had been a nightmare, but was a diva because she’s a talented artist. They make up much too quickly for my liking (shouldn’t he be a little more pissed about Brody moving in?), but c’est la Glee.

 

Back in Emma’s office, Finn found her flipping out about wedding plans because she wanted things to be perfect. (Will told her the centerpiece was fine, but she took that to mean it wasn’t…) She got super stressed out and was saying “I can’t do this, I can’t get married,” and things were crazy… and then things got way crazy when Finn told her to stop and then kissed her on the mouth. (At which I yelled, “OH NO” at my television for the umpteenth time that night.) What is going on?!

 

In the auditorium, Brittany tells Santana that she’s not breaking up with Sam and Santana told her to aim higher. Brit knew Santana was not dating Elaine and that she dropped out of school. She also tells her former gf that it’s okay to follow your dreams. (*cough* NYC *cough*) Then Brit said, “Rachel found a new guy and I heard Kurt did too” (Say WHAT now? Adam is not a new guy… I mean, he’s new and he’s a guy, but he’s not Kurt’s boyfriend.). They hug and Santana calls Brit her best friend and then they shared a super chaste kiss. Brit left and Santana launched into “Girl on Fire” … we then saw her leave the halls of McKinley and eventually walk her way up some subway steps and knock on Kurt and Rachel’s door. They were surprised to see her and she said, “I’m moving in.” (Of course she is… I can’t wait for her and Rachel to have some fights. And I hope Santana tries to butt into Kurt’s love life. Just sayin’…)

 

And then the horrible episode ended (thank you Grilled Cheesus) and we got a crappy promo for “I Do” which hopefully means the actual episode itself will be great.

 

Thoughts?  Were you as creeped out with Tina as I was? Were you glad for diva Blaine and all the Santana songs?

 

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