(Platonically) Reunited and it feels so goooooooooooooooood.

 

“I Do” was a giant leap in the right direction for Kurt and Blaine, but a couple steps off for just about every other couple/pairing on the show…. Which was completely fine by me as I only care about my boys (i.e. almost everyone else can take a long walk off a short cliff).

 

So – spoilers and feels/opinions ahead if you haven’t seen the episode.

 

We started off with Rachel and Finn at the Lima Bean (as Brody stayed in NYC) and Finn told Rachel that he kissed Ms. Pillsbury. She asked if Mr. Schue knew and he didn’t, so she told Finn not to tell him and then she started going on about her and Brody and how Finn is confused and lonely. Major props to Finn when he said, “Not everything has to do with you.” And in that moment, my respect level for Finn Hudson raised just a little bit. He was still freaked out about the kiss, but Rachel told him to basically suck it up and be a good Best Man. (Why does Rachel think that she can just dole out advice to everyone?)

 

After the “glee” title card (black with pink letters…), we found Emma in her office trying to figure out seating arrangements. I loved her little monologue about how the glee kids dated so incestuously that she couldn’t remember who could stand who (poor Emma). Finn tried to confront her about the kiss, but she told him to stay away and keep his mouth shut.

 

Mr. Schue was back for good as glee instructor (though Finn’s apparently staying on as assistant) and he asked the kids to sing at the wedding. (Blaine was pumped; Tina not so much). He wanted Finn to sing instead of give a best man speech. Also, this scene tried to explain why a lot of characters (Kitty, Joe, Wade/Unique, Sugar) were missing – Asian Bird Flu. (I miss Sugar. Just sayin’)

 

The scene that followed (Emma helping Artie at his locker) set up a new character – Emma’s niece, Betty (who we met later… my gut reaction was that I didn’t like her and her attitude). Also in the hallway, Marley gave Jake a present – cufflinks she made (aw – crafts!). He said he got her something too… but after she walked away and Ryder asked what he got her, Jake confessed he didn’t have any gift yet. So, Ryder being the awesome best friend told Jake that he had to make it Valentine’s Week for Marley. (This episode made me like Ryder even more… that kid needs to win at something this season. He’s got dyslexia and is pining over his best friend’s girlfriend. Bro needs a break.)

 

In the auditorium, Finn waited on a late Rachel (foreshadowing? Perhaps…) who was getting a spray tan (i.e. the writers covering up for Lea Michele’s tan). He’s trying to pick out a song to sing at the reception. Rachel told him he looked cute and Finn admitted he had been dieting. I’m pretty sure I muttered, “Keep it in your pants, Rachel,” as I was writing down my notes. Her carefree attitude about love is really grating and as a viewer who is completely turned off by her character anyway, I think it’s irresponsible to live with a guy in NYC but openly flirt with your ex-boyfriend. (And maybe that’s why I wasn’t surprised at all by the cliffhanger at the end of the episode… but more on that in a bit.)

 

The next day (?) in History class, Ryder had his jacket zipped all the way up to his chin and was acting super weird. Jake then came in, wearing a red tux and had an obviously planned conversation with Ryder about singing to Marley. Jake, Ryder, Sam and Artie then serenade Marley with “You’re All I Need to Get By” (though she sang a lot of the song too… as it is a Marvin Gaye/Tammi Terrell duet) and I was even more smitten with Ryder as he danced in the background. I loved the red suits and I loved loved loved the Temptations-esque dance moves.

 

After the commercial break, the glee kids were at the church awaiting the ceremony. Santana sat with Quinn and they commiserate about hating Valentine’s Day and men. Artie meets Emma’s niece Betty and she is overly sassy (which she’ll later blame on nerves). I didn’t like her because she told Artie to, “Wheel the hell away,” and “I don’t date losers in chairs.” Harsh, girl. Harsh.

 

Marley, Jake and Ryder walk into a pew together and Marley finds flowers that Ryder left for her from Jake. They’re here favorite kind, of course, because she mentioned it once like a million years ago and Ryder is sensitive enough to remember these kinds of things. So, Jake reaped the benefits of his bff’s feelings. (What’s great, though, is that Jake KNOWS Ryder likes Marley. I like that that is not a secret and how it hasn’t destroyed the Jake/Ryder friendship… yet.)

 

Meanwhile in the parking lot, Kurt was getting frisky with someone in the back of a Prius. And that someone was Blaine. And there was groping, and moaning, and hands everywhere and kissing and I’m pretty sure my jaw was hanging for a solid minute. Of the two kisses in this scene, Blaine went for the first one and Kurt went for the second (much like in 2×16…). Kurt mentioned that he’s kind of seeing someone in New York, but Blaine countered that he’s not in New York nor were they exclusive. (So, I guess it’s not “cheating” the way Blaine cheated… but hopefully Kurt will talk about this with Adam when he gets back to NYC.) Kurt also said for the first of many times that they’re not back together and Blaine quickly agreed (though by the look in his eye, he wanted to be back together ages ago…) and said that they were just “bros helping bros” (aw – Sam’s influence, obviously). Kurt commented how he loved it when Blaine talked fratty and the whole of the fandom exploded because all its dreams were coming true.

 

We all were disappointed when there was a frantic knock at the window and it’s Mercedes (and not Tina… who appeared to have interrupted the boys earlier during a scene that does not exist on tape, but merely as a throwaway comment by Kurt). She told them they are trashy and Kurt said everyone hooks up at weddings. The boys scrambled out of the car, clothing in disarray (nice underwear, Blainers) and coats strategically placed over crotches. Stop being such a cockblock, Mercedes. This is twice now… third time and you are out girl. You hear me? OUT.

 

Turned out Mercedes jumped the gun on getting the boys inside the church.

 

Emma was freaking out and panicking about the wedding. Somehow Sue was with her and they were both wearing the same wedding dress. I’m sure other dialogue happened, but I was still recovering from the car scene. (#sorrynotsorry). I did pay attention, though, when Emma launched into “I’m Not Getting Married Today” from Company. (I am in full support of Glee covering Company songs this season… Naya/Santana needs to sing “Another Hundred People” like I need air.) While execution of this song is really hard when one is obviously lip synching to a prerecording of one’s own voice, I thought it was super fitting and a little bit sad because Emma ran from her own wedding. She hopped into a cab and left… never to be seen again (at least for the rest of this episode).

 

Becky, the belligerent flower girl, angrily threw red rose petals down the aisle. Then, instead of Emma stepping out from behind the doors, Sue walked down the aisle and I chuckled as the True Lies tango music began to play. (They used that song a lot throughout the episode… I was okay with that.) When Will asked what Sue was doing, she told him she was trying to stop the wedding from becoming an utter fiasco. “Emma’s left the building.” (Poor Will. Or not… I don’t really like him. But I like Emma. Hmmm.)

 

Like to sad sacks, Finn and Mr. Schue sat at the altar. Finn was pretty sure he was the reason Emma fled, even though he wasn’t (although it didn’t help when Mr. Schue asked rhetorically if there was someone else…). Santana walked in and asked what Mr. Schue wanted to do about the reception. Like a martyr, he said they should still have it because all the glee kids were back.

 

And so there was a party. And with some fake IDs, Santana and Quinn were able to acquire alcohol and get tipsy enough to have Quinn check a number of “firsts” off her list. It started innocently with Quinn telling Santana that she looked great in her dress. I knew Quinntana was on in that scene… I guess I didn’t realize how quickly it would escalate by the end of the episode. I have to say, I didn’t mind. I don’t ‘ship ‘em, but their storyline actually made sense to me.

 

Jake and Ryder had some bro time together, talking about Marley as they do. Jake called Ryder a love genius and Ryder tells his friend that he (Jake) should give Marley gifts that were his (Jake’s) idea. Jake, though, does not think highly of his own romancing Marley skills and gladly accepted the heart-shaped pendent that Ryder bought her at the mall. Jake then said, “I am so getting laid tonight,” and there could have been a record scratch at how quick Ryder was to try and shut that down. He said that she wasn’t ready because she’s just a sophomore and was still getting over an eating disorder. Jake got them a room, however, and despite Marley saying she wanted to take things slow, he thought she would be ready.

 

Firstly – neither of these boys have any right to say whether Marley is ready or not (that’s her decision – not theirs). Secondly – just because you rented a room, Jake, doesn’t mean Marley has an obligation to have sex with you. I was grateful the writers wrote this plot line into the episode. Jake and Ryder both love and respect Marley. And while Jake has expectations about how their night will turn out, he doesn’t force her into anything nor feels slighted when she isn’t ready. I also like that Marley doesn’t feel ashamed for standing her ground and knowing what is best for her in that moment.

 

Meanwhile, on stage Kurt and Blaine sang “I Just Can’t Get Enough” and I just couldn’t get enough of the two of them being adorable and completely in synch with each other. Sadly, though, they had to tarnish the Klaine duet with Finchel dialogue. Rachel told Finn it wasn’t his fault the wedding didn’t happen and then asked him to dance. During the song, Tina also shot death glares up at the boys on stage. Also, Artie tried to make a second impression on Betty. He told her she’s mean and awful (Preach!) but that he found her compelling so he asked her to dance. She agreed to one dance and through a bit of montage, we saw that they had a good time spinning their chairs on the floor together.

 

After the song, Kurt launched into his second “We’re not dating, we’re just here as friends” speech which Blaine knew by heart by now. Blaine offered to get them drinks while Kurt went straight for the mini cupcakes. Tina Cohen Crazy confronted Kurt and yelled at him for being a bad person with regard to Blaine. Kurt then told Tina what we’ve all been thinking the past few weeks – she’s a hag who is in love with Blaine and it really needs to stop. Tina then spilled how she took care of Blaine while he was sick and rubbed vapo-rub on his tiny, muscled chest. Kurt was surprised and super not happy. “Did you vapo-rape my ex-boyfriend? Don’t you walk away, Tina Cohen Chang.” Yes she did, Kurt… and we all had to watch her do it. (Thankfully, this scene was the end of scary Tina… speaking of… why didn’t she talk to Mike at all at the wedding?)

 

Then, even though the wedding didn’t happen, Sue shouted for all the single ladies to gather around for the bouquet toss. (Well, all the single ladies and Sam, apparently.) And of course Rachel caught it. (Because Rachel gets EVERYTHING.)

 

After the commercial, Finn told Rachel that traditionally single girls line up to catch the bouquet. She said that even though she’s living with Brody, their relationship is not defined. She used the excuse that that’s how things are done in New York, like on Sex and the City. Maybe if I was a decade younger, I would be completely naïve about living in New York and being completely ignorant in thinking that living in a big city means the same relationship rules don’t apply to you. But I’m a grown-ass woman living in New York and I know that what Rachel’s doing to herself isn’t healthy and it’s just part of slide into an eventual spiral of complete self-destruction. Finn gave her a whole “relationships are a lot like flowers” speech and then told her that he thought she was lying to herself about her feelings for Brody because he thought she was still in love with him (Finn). Then Finn started talking like he was a walking Tumblr post: “You and I both know how this thing ends. We are endgame. I know that and you know that.” Ugh. I am so over Finchel because I cannot stand Rachel at all.

 

The two started a duet on the CLASSIC “We’ve Got Tonight” and my insides hurt because I love this song, but not them singing it. I did enjoy the pan around the room to the various couples and seeing Kurt and Blaine slow dancing cheek to cheek. Quinn and Santana also danced together, causing Quinn to remark, “I’ve never slow danced with a girl before. I like it.”

 

Then there was a montage of various couples carding their way into hotel rooms – Finchel, Klaine, Jarley, Quinntana, and Artie/Betty (I don’t know what their ‘ship name would be… nor do I care. Sorry.). All of these couples except for Jarley had sex.

 

Yep.

 

Klaine – Kurt was the one who dragged Blaine into the hotel room by his necktie (wanky). Their hotel room was 206 (NBK memories – aw) and the boys made the most of their time together. (Yes, we saw the used tissues on the nightstand.) While Kurt buttoned his shirt back up, Blaine asked him, “Tell me now that we’re not back together.” Kurt replied that it was fun, but nothing more, causing Blaine to counter, “I’m not going to let you minimize this, Kurt.” As Blaine helped Kurt back into his suit jacket, he told Kurt that it meant something that they were together on Christmas and Valentine’s Day and how they’ll have many more. Kurt was such a tease, leaning toward Blaine only to tell him, “I’ll see you downstairs.” Kurt walked out, leaving Blaine to answer “okay” more to himself than anyone else. He then gave epic fist pumps up in the air before backwards diving back onto the bed.

 

Blaine knows he has to be patient, but he has hope and he has Kurt. Logically, there is no way Kurt is not in this too… he might not be 100% there, but he’s gotta be in the 90s because Kurt would not sleep with Blaine and then just walk away forever. I’m pretty sure Blaine is still the only person Kurt has ever been with. And even though it seems that Kurt and Blaine still have a healthy physical relationship, I’m sure Burt Hummel’s “You Matter” speech is still at the forefront of Kurt’s mind. He won’t throw himself around for anybody, but he’s certainly not against car sex with Blaine in the parking lot and hotel room sex with Blaine in the middle of the reception.

 

Jarley – The two of them sat on the bed and Marley apologized for not wanting to go further, but Jake is not upset. It was literally as simple as that. Four for you, Jarley (even though I don’t ship you at all).

 

Quinntana – Both ladies look pretty damn satisfied. Quinn admitted that that was her first time with a girl and a one-time thing. Santana asked her if she wanted to go back to the reception or make it a two-time thing. With a smirk, it’s assumed Quinn took the latter option. Get it, girls.

 

Artie/Betty – They both laughed about it and ask each other if it was good. I really don’t have much to say here. If Betty is going to be a recurring character, I hope she gets some depth to her.

 

Finchel – Upon entering the room, Rachel is the one who initiates taking her clothes off and hopping into bed. Finn quickly drops trou and gets in bed and turned out the light (get it – song lyrics – what). However, Rachel is also the first one to put her clothes back on and vacate the premises. Yeah… she slept with Finn and the left him just as quick. He was still asleep when she ducked out. Classy, Rachel. Real classy.

 

Back in NY, Rachel came back to find Brody had decorated their apartment. (He said it took him two days. I don’t believe one word that comes out of that guy’s mouth. Not one.) During a makeout session on the couch, he asked her if she kissed anyone while she was gone and asked if she saw Finn. She commented that she thought they were in an open relationship. He said they were, but that he still wanted them to be honest with each other. She asked him if he was with anyone while she was gone and he said No – that he had stayed at the apartment both days. His flashback of him walking out of a hotel (?) room with a wad of money suggested otherwise. Brody is either a male prostitute or deals drugs. I’m thinking prostitute. (I have written in my notes regarding Brody and Rachel “They are gross and dishonest.”)

 

Meanwhile, Kurt is still in Lima for the day and is at school with Blaine and Tina. Tina apologized to Kurt about what she said to him at the reception. She realized she was in the wrong and said that watching them sing was like “two soulmates rediscovering each other.” Yep… that is entirely accurate. Blaine told her that everyone has unrequited love and Kurt gave another one of his “we’re just friends” lines (while sad yet hopeful Blaine forced a smile and looked down at his shoes…). Tina did not believe the words that were coming out of Kurt’s mouth. Neither did I. Or Blaine. The boys then invited Tina to a double feature and they walked off arm in arm in arm as Blaine announced how proud he was that his first hag was Tina Cohen Chang. (Mazel tov, Tina. You totally bagged the hottest gay on the show.)

 

Down the hallway, Marley walked up to Ryder at his locker and gave him a Valentine’s card. She knew it was him behind Jake’s presents (“Like Cyrano.” “Who?” – Oh Ryder…). Marley told him to save his efforts for when he found real love (or something like that) and he said “It was for real” and then he kissed her and I yelled “NO, RYDER!” at my television. I love, love, love Ryder, but I don’t want him to jeopardize his friendship with Jake and his relationship with Marley. I very much want Marley to be with Ryder, but I don’t want any cheating or tearing apart of relationships for that to happen.

 

I would have been content for the episode to end there, but then there was a scene of Finn confronting Mr. Schue in the Teacher’s Lounge. Finn didn’t reveal he kissed Emma, but he did say he for Mr. Schue not to give up and that he would help Mr. Schue find Emma and make things right.

 

Betty also found Artie in the hallway and apologized for being bitchy. She said she got that way when she was nervous. Artie asked for her phone number and they swap digits. Since she’s just Emma’s niece, I hope she won’t get integrated into the McKinley crowd/New Directions. My snap judgment was that I didn’t like that character. And, as horrible as snap judgments are, mine are almost always right (for me at least). So, sorry Betty. But I don’t like ya.

 

Oh yeah – then there was a whole music number. Marley lead all the New Directions in “Anything Could Happen.” I didn’t know the song, so I didn’t care much, though it was nice to see all the kids in matching-esque outfits dancing around.

 

Cut to Rachel and Brody in bed and she’s flipping through a planner, as one does. I knew before a worried look sprouted on her face that she thought she might be pregnant. So, Rachel got a pregnancy test and we watched as her phone’s stopwatch counted upwards. She looked at the stick and put a hand to her mouth. We didn’t see the results, but Ryan Murphy tweeted something like “#preggers” and I didn’t give a flying fuck because I don’t care if Rachel is or is not pregnant. If she is, I’m guessing she miscarries, as there is no way Rachel is going to go full-term with a baby while in her freshman year of college. (I’m sorry if that is offensive or distasteful, but plot-wise, there is no way she will have a baby before she makes it on Broadway. Remember – her Funny Girl audition is coming up.) But, sadly I could see them milking it for an episode or two. Or, maybe she’s not pregnant and she’s just really sad in the promo because she had a pregnant scare, her live-in boyfriend is a prostitute and she’s annoying as hell. I dunno. So much for a carefree NYC life, eh Rachel Berry? You’re no Carrie Bradshaw, that’s for sure.

 

I’m glad we have a 3 week hiatus. We need a break after “I Do’s” shenanigans. I’m looking forward to the next episode, though, as it’s all songs from movies. The brief glimpse of Klaine atop the Moulin Rouge elephant was more than enough to get me even more excited for “Come What May.”

 

This was a mostly decent episode. This whole season has been pretty subpar, so “I Do” actually seemed outstanding for Season 4, but on par with Seasons 1 and 2.

 

Thoughts?

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