Hola,

So, I’m killing time trying to charge my phone. I should probably be writing, but instead I’m posting on here. (Which, I guess this is technically “writing,” but it’s definitely not me working on my script. I’m on page 73. And I’m stalling because I don’t want to screw up the next scene… so instead of actually writing it out, I’m mulling it over in my head for the bajillionth time.)

I could probably also be watching something while I charge my phone. Last night I watched a few episodes of American Dreams. (REMEMBER THAT SHOW?!) Today I watched 500 Days of Summer and The Dukes of Hazzard. I’ve been in an odd mood… not good or bad, just odd. Hence why I watched the most random assortment of things over the past couple days. 

Right now I’m listening to my “Glee Cast” radio station on some app I downloaded. They hardly play any actual Glee music on said station, but there is a lot of fun., Taylor Swift, One Direction and Demi Lovato, so I am content. (Right now “Some Nights” is fading out… I predict a Glee song or a One Direction song will be next. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd… “Live While We’re Young” from One Direction just started playing. YEEEEEES. Um, I kind of love One Direction. Go ahead and judge.)

To be honest, not much has been happening. I have a few interviews this week. (I had a few interviews each week for the past several weeks, but I haven’t mentioned them on here because I don’t want to get our hopes up.) I also have tickets to see Katy Perry on Sunday.

WHAT?!

Yeah… somehow I ended up with Priority tickets to go see Katy Perry’s performance at the VMAs. She’s performing at a different venue, so I won’t actually get to see the VMAs, but if all goes right, I’ll get to see Katy Perry. And *that* should definitely be wildly entertaining. I very much dig her new song, “Roar,” so it will be fun to see her perform in person. I’m sure it’ll be a spectacle.

What else, what else…

Oh, I went out on Friday night with a friend and got hit on a bunch of times. That was an interesting experience.

For the record, I don’t get hit on. Ever. (Or, I should say “once in a blue moon.” I definitely got hit on when I went and saw HP7 Part II. That is a long story for another time.)

So, yeah. I rarely get hit on. It’s a combination of I don’t put myself in situations where I would get hit on in addition to me not presenting myself as eye candy.

But, Friday night I was at a restaurant/bar and I had decided to dress up a little bit since I had spent most of the week in gym shorts and t-shirts. So, I wore some low wedge shoes, tight maroon skinny jeans, a gray cardigan and a brown top that showed some cleavage. 

This was the fourth time I’ve ever worn that top. I will choose very carefully the next time I wear it because when I do wear it, men’s eyes go straight for my chest before they even bother to look me in the eye.

It is not a secret that I have huge boobs. However, usually I keep them fully covered at all times. I guess showing the tops of them to people via a low cut top is an open invitation for men to stare at/down the front of my shirt.

At this restaurant/bar, I was hit on by five guys. Three of them (two servers and a bartender) got away with looking at/down my shirt because I was looking at a menu. (My friend informed me after each time.) Two of them (another bartender and a guy sitting at the bar) had the audacity to stare at my goods while we were mid-conversation. All of these men ended up talking to me for one reason or another (four of them were working as servers/bartenders, but three of them made legit conversation), so at least they didn’t just look and keep going. A couple of them purposefully touched my back or arm or waist while we were talking (most noticeably the handsy guy I was sitting next to at the bar… man, he just went for it).

The attention was a little flattering, but mostly it was weird and made me antsy. I’ve shared on here before that I’ve been subject to unwanted touching from strangers in the past (for you newcomers, I got felt up by a costumed character at EPCOT when I was 15 and then after college an older delivery man would corner me and touch my arms and back while I was working at my office). So, having strangers eyeballing my chest and flirting with me and touching me was actually a little unsettling. As much as I want guys to pay attention to me, I want them to pay attention to ME and not fixate on my boobs. There is still something in the back of my mind that worries that some other stranger is going to just reach out and touch me (or worse) because he thinks that he can.

God, I am a mess.

I mean, I’m pretty sure at the rate I’m going, I’m going to have trust issues for a long while. (I should probably Google ways to move past this. I mean, it’s been almost 15 years now.) 

Don’t get me wrong – I’m more than okay around people I know and am friends with. It’s just I am still not great around strangers. I’m trying. (I’ve met a lot of new people since moving here and I think I act like a “normal” person around them.) But having a tipsy stranger guy stare at my chest and then put his hand on my arm and waist within a minute of meeting me was a little uncomfortable. (But, I was with a friend and there were enough people around that I could have stopped him if anything got out of hand.) 

I’m trying to function like an adult. I’ll be 30 in a few months and I’m pretty sure I’m the only person among my peer group who internally freaks out about social situations like this. Like, I want to meet people/guys… I just need to figure out a way to not assume that every stranger guy is going to attack me somehow.

My, I went on a tangent, didn’t I?

Well… my phone is 97% charged. I guess this means I can probably shut off my computer and put on a movie or read or something. 

Have a good one!

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