So, this is obviously more than a week late, but I don’t even feel bad because that wasn’t a Glee finale, per se, but a poorly cliffhangered episode that will just pick back up exactly where it left off in a few months. If anything, I’m welcoming this hiatus Journey-style (with Open Arms) and am hoping that when the writers get back to work, they can step their game up and give Glee Season 5 some much needed help.

 

Because this is hella late (real life happened, you guys… and would you believe some of that real life involved me watching a number of the Glee cast practically bypass the fans at the Fox Fan Front – though, bless Darren’s heart because that boy tried to sign stuff for people and take pictures with as many people as he could), I’m not even going to bother re-capping the whole episode, but I will touch on the major storylines – those that were wrapped up and those that weren’t. (Spoiler alert – most weren’t, though I kind of didn’t care.).

 

Rachel’s Funny Girl Audition

I was grateful they got this out of the way near the beginning of the episode. She sings Celine Dion’s “To Love You More” (a personal favorite of mine that I have sung into my hairbrush/water bottle/shampoo bottle/writing implement more times than one should ever admit) and it’s good, but is it Fanny Brice good? One of the people auditioning her says, “Thank you, Rachel. We’ll let you know.”

 

And then that was it of the Rachel Berry story line for the episode! Does she get the part? Does she not get the part? We don’t know and I don’t care. Honestly, I don’t think the character of Rachel Berry is ready for a leading role on the Great White Way. But, since Rachel gets everything handed to her, she’ll probably get the part. But, like I said, I’m not invested in anything to do with Rachel Berry anymore.

 

Bye Bye Brittany

Brittany started the episode at MIT and was being spoken to by some professors and Deans. Though she had a near perfect SAT score, she got a 0 on a math test that morning. She scribbled (in crayon) a bunch of numbers down and they believe her to be the most brilliant scientific mind since Einstein.

 

When she got back to Lima, something was off. Brittany started acting out and demanding solos at Regionals. She quit Glee club, then broke up with Sam via text while he was in the same room as her and said she missed lady kisses.

 

Brit quits Cheerios and nails her 95 Theses to the door of Roz’s office. Sue and Will then tried to talk to Brittany, but she only said she would talk on her own terms, so they do an episode of Fondue for 2. Brittany asked if Will and Emma were getting married (they were after Regionals) and then claimed she knew the identity of Sue’s baby’s celebrity father (Michael Bolton – which Sue confirmed as true).

 

Meanwhile, Sam called Santana and said he needed to speak with her about Brittany and asked for her help. That raised a red flag for Santana because she knew Sam wouldn’t call unless it was important.

 

Santana came back to Lima and does a Fondue for 2 with Brittany where she confronted her and told Brittany to stop. She also said she still cared about Brittany (which we all knew anyway).

 

Brittany came back to Glee club before they were supposed to go on for Regionals. They do a show circle and she tearily admitted that she was offered early submission to MIT and that she needed to leave immediately. She gave a really sad speech about how people told her she was stupid but that the glee club made her believe in herself. (It was here in my notes that I jotted down, “Brittany, your HeMo is showing.”) Then, Brittany said something nice(ish) about everyone in the room. I got a little bit said when she addressed Sam because they were crying and then there was hugging and it got a little emotional, but in a good way instead of a preachy way that Glee has been known to do.

 

After Regionals, Brittany sat alone on the stage and Santana joined her. They hugged and I was kind of confused/not paying attention to their storyline. I’m assuming since Brittany is leaving that the Britanna storyline is over (or at least very much on hold)? Who knows?

 

I’m not shocked that Brittany is leaving. HeMo is pregnant and that character has gotten less interesting ever since they made her extraordinarily stupid. It used to be that she would have quality one-liners, but then they made her meanish and really dumb and it was a huge turn off to watch.

 

The Catfish is Revealed and It’s a Surprise to No One but Ryder

You guys – Ryder just couldn’t take it anymore. He stopped Glee rehearsal and demanded to be told who his catfish was or else he wouldn’t perform at Regionals. He started to go berserk, so Marley stood up and said it was her (but you could totally tell she was covering for someone). Ryder got pissed off and walked out.

 

Later, Marley tried to convince Ryder that they needed him for Regionals. He just wanted to know why she did it when she had told him before that it wasn’t her. Unique stepped out and revealed that she was the catfish and that Marley didn’t have to cover for her. Marley left the two of them to talk and Unique spilled that she liked Ryder and that everything they shared was real. She said she didn’t do it to hurt Ryder and asked that he not punch her. Ryder told her, “We don’t have anything” and that while he wasn’t going to punch her, he also was not going to talk to her.

 

After their Regionals victory, Ryder and Unique shared a hug that was in the moment, but then he backed away from her and their relationship (or lack thereof) was left hanging.

 

This is a plot that I hope they revisit and address next season. Ryder and Unique were at odds earlier in Season 4 when Ryder would not acknowledge Unique as a “her.” They made up after that feud, and things seemed fine. But, now that Unique knowingly advanced upon Ryder using another person’s identity, which is a horse of a different color. Ryder bared his soul to “Katie” and Katie did the same thing in turn, but Ryder was under false pretenses that Katie was Katie and not Unique. Though they are likely to work it out (because you can’t have two glee kids flat-out hate each other for an extended period of time), it’ll be interesting to see how it is addressed. Ryder is understandable upset because he thought he was falling for a girl and he wasn’t – he was falling for Unique. And while Unique identifies as female, she is not the kind of girl that Ryder is looking for.

 

 

Regionals

The New Directions were up against the Waffletoots (played by the Wiffenpoofs) and the Hoosierdaddies (which featured guest star/American Idol alum Jessica Sanchez as Frieda Romero).

 

The Waffletoots sang a classy version of Rainbow Connection (another personal favorite) and they did not get enough screen time.

 

The Hoosierdaddies sang “Clarity” (not the John Mayer song) and “Wings.” I was not familiar with either of these songs, nor was I a Jessica Sanchez fan while she was on Idol, so I tuned out while they were on screen. I would have rather had some plot with characters I cared about instead of two songs from someone I hope to never see on the show again.

 

When the New Directions FINALLY took the stage, they sang songs I didn’t know either. The guys sang “Hall of Fame” (okay, so I knew this one…) and then the girls sang something called “I Love It” (I think?). They then ended their set with Blaine and Marley singing one of Marley’s original songs, “All or Nothing” (Also the title of the episode… though silly me was hoping they would sing the classic O-Town jam “All or Nothing.” Alas.). During this song, a tearful Santana passed a tissue to a similarly tearful Kurt and just this week we found out that there was supposed to be a line of dialogue during this scene where it is announced that Kurt still loves Blaine. (This will be important in the Klaine section coming up…)

 

The New Directions placed first and Nationals is in LA, so we’ll get that at some point in the middle of next season. (Cooper Anderson lives in LA, right?)

 

Wemma Wedding

Wemma got married after Regionals. Their vows were basically flashbacks to moments from Season 1 when he was still married to Terri. They blab on about “one true loves” and the camera pulled back to reveal Blaine standing next to Kurt while wiggling an engagement ring box behind his back.

 

Yeah…

 

Klaine

So, the engagement ring box was the big cliffhanger of the season, which caused a lot of us to groan because Blaine should not be asking Kurt to marry him (for a couple reasons – 1. They aren’t even officially back together yet   and 2. Burt Hummel just told Blainers last episode that they are not ready to be getting engaged/married. AND YOU ALWAYS LISTEN TO BURT HUMMEL.)

 

So how did we get here?

 

Well, near the beginning of the episode, Sam stopped his BFF Blaine in the hallway and said that Blaine was not ready to get married yet. (That’s TWO people telling you this, Blainers. Two.) Sam brought up how Blaine wasn’t even sure where Kurt stood with Adam (oh, he’s still a character?) and that he’s just not ready. Blaine, being the romantic young gay, said that people like him have been waiting hundreds of years to be able to get married legally. Then he tried to guilt Sam into ring shopping with him by saying that he wanted Sam to be his best man.

 

Blaine did go ring shopping and he brought Tina. Ugh. Tina, stop trying to make Blina happen. She goes on about what she would want for a ring and Blaine reminded her for likely the umpteenth time that the ring is for Kurt. Luckily, a kindly saleswoman named Jan (Patty Duke!) stepped in and ran interference. She asked who the ring was for and Blainers poorly explained that it was for his boyfriend, or rather they weren’t boyfriends, but it was for someone he loved very much and wanted to spend forever with. When Jan asked Blaine to tell her about his man, Tina rolled her eyes and exited the conversation (because Blaine wants a MAN, Tina, geez). Blaine was all sorts of shocked when Jan legitimately wanted to hear him out. Turned out Jan had a partner named Elizabeth and they talk about soul mates and Blaine was smitten with Jan and how she wanted to be his gay fairy godmother. Jan told him it didn’t matter how young or old you were with regard to love.

 

Just then, Sam walked in the jewelry store and told Blaine that he loved him and wanted to support him. Jan thought that Sam was Blaine’s loved one, but they quickly shook her off. Sam said, “He wants to do me, but we’re just friends.” This annoyed Blaine (and made me love Sam that much more), causing Sam to retort, “You do want to do me.”

 

I love Blam. Blam is the second greatest thing to ever happen to Glee. (The first being that Darren was cast as Blaine.)

 

Blaine, Kurt, Jan and Elizabeth all go out for dinner at Breadstix and the women tell the boys about how they met and their relationship. They broke up twice and got back together twice and had basically been through thick and thin with each other over the past 30 years. Kurt asked how Jan and Blaine met and they lie – saying they met at the food court in the mall. (The truth best come out at some point – just sayin’.) Elizabeth called Kurt and Blaine a sweet couple and Blaine thanked her while Kurt quickly quipped “Oh, we’re not a couple.” Blaine’s heart broke just a little bit and I just got angry at my television. I get that they aren’t together and am fine with that, but we know how Blaine feels about Kurt. We have little to no idea what Kurt feels about Blaine. (Now, remember back to the cut line of dialogue between Kurt and Santana from Regionals… Kurt still loves Blaine. BUT, based off of what we are seen on the show and Kurt’s dialogue post-4×15, we actually have no idea because most of Kurt’s scenes have been about Rachel, or his dad, or there were a couple involving Blaine in 4×21 – but even those were from Blaine’s POV.)

 

While still at Breadstix, Jan proposed to Elizabeth and they kiss. It’s adorable and Blaine and Kurt (and everyone else in the restaurant) are happy for them, but you could see that Blainers was a little sad/jealous.

 

And that was the last of Klaine in the episode. They were in the same room during the show circle before Regionals, and they were next to each other while Wemma was exchanging vows, but we got no sense of Klaine closure.

 

This is not a cliffhanger, though – it’s just more of the same from Season 4.

 

Glee starts back up at the end of August/beginning of September and plot-wise, it should be picking up exactly where it left off. The McKinley kids are mid-school year, so graduation will likely be happening around the time the Christmas episode normally airs. It’s going to be a bit of a mind game, but my guess is that they were just trying to keep this crop of McKinley seniors (mostly Blam) at McKinley as long as possible. I’m hoping once they “graduate,” the show will just shift to NYC and that the back half of Season 5 and then all of Season 6 will be Klaine in NYC. (And Sam needs to be there too…)

 

So, yeah.

 

I’m going to be just fine during this hiatus because there were no plot lines to even remotely panic over.

 

Have a great summer, Gleeks. I’m sure I’ll see some of you at Darren’s concert in June. 

It took Stevie Wonder music and the return of Burt Hummel, but I finally enjoyed a recent Glee episode. Though there were plot points that had me asking “What the what?!,” I thought “Wonder-ful” was one of the better episodes of the last half of the season.

 

As we head into the final episode, here are my thoughts on “Wonder-ful.”

 

Spoilers/opinions ahead… ye be warned.

 

The episode started with what I’m assuming to be a last minute rewrite. Rachel called Mr. Schue and told him about her callback and how the part of Fanny Brice is down to her and two others. She says that it was because of him that she sang “Don’t Stop Believin’” at her audition and that he was the one who was responsible for putting the glee club together and that she wanted him to be the first to know of her news.

 

Immediately I thought how 1. It was because of Finn that the glee kids sang DSB in the pilot   and 2.  It was likely because Cory Monteith had to be written out of 4.21 and 4.22 that Rachel called Mr. Schue instead of Finn.  This was an unfortunate happenstance for all involved. Luckily, this scene was short and forgettable when compared to the rest of the episode.

 

As always, the glee assignment was written across the white erase board – “Wonder-ful.” The glee kids would be using the brilliant music of Stevie Wonder to celebrate all the good things going on (Brittany was off touring MIT, Tina was waitlisted for veterinary school, and Mr. Schue re-proposed to Emma and they’re going to get married after Regionals).

 

Speaking of good things, Kitty gets Artie to spill that he got into film school in Brooklyn. But, he says he’s not going. (Of all the characters they want to bump to NYC, I couldn’t believe they went with Artie…)

 

In NYC, Kurt uses his Men of McKinley calendar to countdown the days until his father’s test results. He’s going to Ohio for the appointment and is so scared of losing his dad that he’s taken to doing some superstitious things like tapping his nose 3 times and whatnot. Poor kid. During his VO, he’s back in Ohio and walking the halls of McKinley – glad to see everyone, including Blaine. Though he narrates, “Don’t worry, we’re not hooking up this time,” we hope they do reconnect on some level. Mercedes and Mike Chang are also there and for a fraction of a second, I wonder why they try to pull a fast one on us and make it seem like those three were besties in previous seasons. But, since I love Mike Chang so much, I’ll suspend disbelief and be grateful to see him and his amazing dancing skills grace my small screen again.

 

In the choir room, Kitty takes lead on “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” while Blaine plays piano and Ryder and Jake act as her backup dancers. She shimmies and sings toward Artie the whole time, finishing off her performance with an announcement that he got into film school. Mercedes then knocks her down a few pegs and says Kitty’s performance was not great. Mercedes is announced as the new vocal coach and I wonder why they’re opting to keep her in Lima as opposed to bumping her to NYC so she can be besties with Kurt again. (But, since I’m not a huge Mercedes fan anymore, I honestly don’t care one way or another at this point.) Mike Chang is the dance coach and then Tina Bitter-Chang snaps at Kurt, asking if he’s there to criticize their outfits. Wide-eyed, Kurt responds, “My dad has cancer,” to which Harry Freakin’ Potter adds, “Thanks, Hermione,” making Tina feel bad (and rightly so). That girl has been quick to jump down people’s throats this season because the writers haven’t given her (m)any solos or great plot lines and she’s probably as sick of it as we are.

 

Artie continues to freak out about film school because his mom is apparently freaking out about it. Kitty tells him he’d be amazing at film school and I find that Kitty/Artie is the new Jake/Marley pairing that will be shoved down our throats for the time being. I guess I’m okay with this, as both are still secondary characters.

 

At the Lima Bean, Blaine tells Kurt how excited he is for marriage equality in New York and how he’ll be there soon to witness it. As they walk back to their shared table with Mercedes and Mike, Blaine tells Kurt that he looks cute – “dirty cute” – and the whole of the fandom exploded with squeals because that’s what Klainers do. I chuckled audibly at Blainers’s compliment; giving him props for trying to be forward, but really just coming off as adorable. I appreciate that the writers are allowing him to try to progress their relationship back to something that is “more than just friends” because seeing them happy together is way better than seeing them uncomfortable in a shared space post-breakup.

 

At the table, Kurt lines up sugar packets in a very un-Kurt fashion and Blaine is immediately aware that something is up with his former paramour. Mercedes asks what is up with them and refers back to their relations at the wedding. (Blaine says they are not together.) Mike brings up Tina and the vapor rub, but luckily stops before that conversation goes anywhere else. Kurt is freaking out about his dad and Blaine grabs his hand. Everyone in the fandom freaked out again, but I swear it looked like Kurt was (at first) trying to pull his hand away from Blaine/out of Blaine’s grasp, but he gave up before he could completely commit to the action. Instead, their hands remain together and Kurt says that he’s glad Mercedes and Mike are back in town too. There were shared looks between Klaine, and as a Klainer, I was content.

 

Back at NYADA, Rachel is approached by some conniving gays (the same ones from the diva off a few weeks ago?) who say that they heard she’s up against Mamie Gummer and Sutton Foster for Fanny Brice (Really, Glee writers?) and that she needs a teacher’s signature to sign off of this kind of extracurricular activity. Panic sets in, because it would appear the only teacher Rachel has is Cassandra July – her mortal enemy. The gays tell CJ about Rachel being a finalist for Funny Girl and I pray to Grilled Cheesus that CJ knocks Rachel down as many pegs as it takes for Rachel’s storyline to just go away already.

 

After a commercial break, Sam introduces Mercedes to the glee club people who are all on the stage in the auditorium. I briefly wish Samcedes was still a thing as Mercedes prattles on that the reason they lost Sectionals was because of fear. (Fear, and Marley fainting on stage and DQing them.) Ms. Jones then said something about the Bass Player and I tuned out from her dialogue for a second because my beloved band kid was back! (I don’t know your name, Bass Player, but you’re totally my favorite background band guy!)

 

Mercedes leads the group in singing “Superstitious” with Blaine and Marley as supporting vocals and I spent my time following Blaine around the stage with his odd little dance moves as he sang and danced all up on Kurt when he could.

 

Later, Mercedes and Mike Chang approached Jake to tell him they wanted him in her music video as a featured dancer. Because, let’s face it… little Puckerman can dance.

 

Kurt, Burt and Carole wait in the doctor’s office for Burt’s test results. Kurt gets mad that his dad wore a dark blue shirt and Burt nervously yells for his kid to calm/sit down. I just need Papa Hummel on my television all the time. I love Kurt and Burt together in any way, shape or form.

 

The doctor came in and after some brief medical jargon, we learn that Burt’s prostate cancer is in remission and I might have cheered quietly in my room. Everyone is elated and Burt lists off the things that he’ll get to see – Kurt getting married, having grandbabies, and old people sex with Carole. (Obviously, Burt’s priorities are as flawless as he is.) The family hugs and Burt announces once again that he doesn’t have cancer. I prayed once again to Grilled Cheesus that Burt’s cancer doesn’t come back ever but that he somehow gets more screen time next season.

 

At Glee club, Kurt announces he’ll be singing for his dad (who hugs Schue and shakes Blaine’s hand upon entering). Kurt says his dad used to sing him this song when he was little (awwwww) and then launches into a ridiculously choreographed rendition of “You Are the Sunshine of My Life.”

 

Unpopular opinion – I didn’t dig the silly dancing. I get that they were trying to use humor to diffuse the situation and make everything all light and happy because the cancer was gone, but I kind of wanted Kurt to break down or something – in relief that he had another chance with his dad. In relief that his worrying was over. In mortification that he would now have to face his own issues with Blaine. (Adam who? Exactly.) Burt may be the sunshine of Kurt’s life, but so was the boy in the sweater who was sitting behind his dad. I thought the silly choreography took away from what could have been a defining moment of the episode. Instead, I just tried hard to concentrate on the background acting of the kids watching the performance instead of the weird dancing and awkward smile that was planted on Mike O’Malley’s face.

 

Back in NYC, Cassandra July walked in on Rachel Berry running lines with herself. (Probably because no one could stand to practice with her because she’s super annoying.) Rachel was supposed to have her dance midterm during her callback. But, since CJ wants to watch Rachel blow her audition, she moves Rachel’s midterm to the following morning and sets her up to fail. (I wrote “LOVE IT” in my notes and also wanted to watch Rachel choke.)

 

In Lima, Mike Chang asked the glee club to help Jake celebrate his dance talent. So, the two guys danced to “I Wish” and my ovaries exploded from all the handsomeness and talent. Normally I’m not a fan of Jake’s voice, but I was okay with it on this song since he was not singing in a higher register. (Also, did you notice how Tina was throwing shade from the back row? Bitter girl is bitter.)

 

Mercedes was in the auditorium on her phone with her producer. Turned out he liked her in studio, but was not a fan of her lack of willingness to flash some boob during a photo shoot. Her CD is on hold unless she does another photo shoot to his liking. He’s threatening to use someone else’s image for her CD. Kurt comments how her producer is crazy, but Mercedes wants to talk to her mom before she makes any sort of decision.

 

Speaking of moms… Artie comes home to find Kitty on the couch with his mom. Kitty told Mrs. Abrams about film school and then left the two of them to talk. Artie’s mom asks him why he’s been telling people she’s afraid for him to go to NYC. He finally admits that he is the one who is scared and that he doesn’t want to leave his mom. Joining the rank of awesome Glee parents, Artie’s mom says she wants him to leave because this is his dream. Then she tells him if he keeps telling people things about her, she’ll tip him over. More Mrs. Abrams!

 

In NYC, Rachel walks into her midterm and the room is full of classmates. I get giddy because I’m thinking everyone is there to watch her choke, but instead Cassandra July says they are all family and they celebrate big news together. Everyone sings and dances to “Uptight” and I am gobsmacked – waiting for the other shoe to drop. We were being Punk’d, right? There was no way CJ was going to suddenly be all nice to Rachel… right? (I wrote in my notes, “I liked when CJ was mean” and “My, this is a lot of hairography.”)

 

The next day in glee club, Mercedes, Kurt and Mike Chang tell the kids that their lesson is about being ready for their future. She told her producer she didn’t want to do her album his way and instead is going to self-release to people at her church and whatnot. CDs get handed out to the New Directions and I chuckled when Kurt threw one at Blaine because throwing things usually makes me laugh. Mercedes then launched into “Higher Ground” and you would have thought Unique won the lottery. At one point, Mercedes took off her jacket and threw it at Kurt, who promptly untangled it and put it on.

 

And then, ladies and gentlemen, was the highlight scene of the evening… the long awaited Blaine and Burt discussion about marriage.

 

Burt met up with “Anderson” on the stage and Blaine handed him a ring box that held a rainbow pin, in hopes that Burt would wear it to show his support of gay marriage. Gay marriage is one of Burt’s biggest platforms, which Blaine is really grateful for. Blaine asks Burt’s permission to ask Kurt to marry him when gay marriage became legal. I was so glad that Burt’s immediate reaction was, “Are you kidding or you nuts?”

 

Without belittling Blaine, Burt tells Blaine that he’s like family, but he’s not okay with Blaine and Kurt getting engaged/married and brings up the Finchel fiasco from last season. Blaine counters how he and Kurt are different from Finn and Rachel. Blaine is obviously very passionate about the possibility of legally being allowed to get married and seems to want to take full advantage of that with his soulmate. Papa Hummel gets a visibly upset Blaine to sit down and then launches into another FLAWLESS speech.

 

Burt tells Blaine that something happens when you exchange vows and that it’s a big deal (which is why it’s harder to get a divorce than just break up with someone). Burt says that you need to be marrying a person instead of marrying an idea and Blaine physically deflates.

 

Papa Hummel asks Blaine if he and Kurt are meant to be (yes) and if they have a true love (YES!), then tells Blaine not to worry – even though Blaine is worried Kurt will find someone else or that they won’t end up together. Blaine asks Burt how he knows it’ll be okay and Burt replies, “When two people love each other like you two do, everything works out.”

 

This line was important because it revealed what we already knew – that Burt knows Kurt still loves Blaine and that Blaine still loves Kurt. Though the two boys aren’t back together, they will eventually. Burt ships Klaine and believes them to be endgame. As an audience member, that is all the assurance I need.

 

I wish we had more Blaine and Burt scenes that didn’t deal with such weighty things. I could have used a montage of them spending time with each other over the past few months. In the Christmas episode, Blaine promised to look out for Burt for Kurt, but then we got nothing between the two of them until this episode. They obviously have some sort of father/son relationship (especially if Burt still considers Blaine “family” even though he cheated on Kurt), but we never really got to see that. I also wish we got some sort of father/son scene with Blaine and his own father, as well as some sort of interaction between Papas Hummel and Anderson. (I just want dad stories, okay?)

 

At NYADA, Rachel walks in to the dance studio and gives Cassandra July Debbie Allen’s cane from Fame. I was seriously hoping CJ was going to go off on Rachel and belittle her some more, but I was let down because CJ started saying how she knew Rachel was special from Day 1 and then they laughed about Brody and his body and then CJ tells Rachel she’s going to get the part of Fanny Brice. And silly me keeps waiting for CJ’s fingers to be crossed, or some sort of dramatic eye rolling, but NOTHING! I don’t want a nice CJ… but of course that is not in the cards because Rachel gets everything and people love her and blah blah blah. I am actually shaking my head as I type this; epically frustrated that Rachel Berry gets everything all the time. And if she gets the role of Fanny Brice, I’m going to throw something at my television. I bet even odds that’ll be a cliffhanger at the end of the finale… and guess what… NO1CURRS.

 

Thankfully, we head back to Lima. Blainers is at his locker when Kurt walks up. The gelled one says that what he’s about to ask is going to take courage(!), but then he kinda rambles and Kurt tells him to just say it, but that he’s kind of cute when he’s nervous, and Blaine chickens out on his proposal and instead asks Kurt to stay for Regionals. It would have been not the right place for Blaine to ask Kurt in the hallway of McKinley – that boy needs to plan something better and more Kurt-appropriate.

 

You could tell Kurt was thinking/hoping Blaine was going to ask something else. I don’t think he saw a marriage proposal, but definitely something bigger than being asked to stay for Regionals. I would wager that the writers have Kurt’s mindset as more receptive to focusing on himself and his own wants/needs now that his dad’s health is in the clear. With the way he looks at Blaine (and vice versa) and the lack of mention of Adam since 4×15, Klaine is back on with a vengeance and Kadam is something that never actually happened. Adam wasn’t even a memorable character… he’s no Sebastian. He’s not even Chandler. It’s kind of sad, because Adam could have been a good friend for Kurt – as Kurt could probably use a 40-year old mentor at NYADA. (What? Adam’s supposed to just be a senior in college? Riiiiiiight.)

 

But, as Klaine walked away, Kurt linked his arm in Blaine’s and said it was a wonderful week. Blaine said with Kurt there, it was a wonderful life. Blaine is smitten, has been smitten, and will continue to be smitten until the end of time. Awwwww, Klaine.

 

In the auditorium, Artie leads the New Direction in “For Once in My Life” as everyone danced around in warm colors. Blaine looked at Kurt as he sang “I’m not alone anymore” and the two boys sang and danced around to “someone who needs me.” Klaine. Is. Endgame.

 

(Sorry for all the Klaine talk… but not really. This is the only relationship I care about on the show at this point. The writing has been less than amazing for a while now and I am just watching for Darren.)

 

This episode was mostly cheerful and the music was great. You really cannot go wrong with Stevie Wonder songs. And while there were so many other great songs that weren’t sung, the ones that were used were pretty solid and actually made sense with the plot.

 

After the credits rolled, the promo for the finale had everyone in a tizzy. It’s Regionals. Rachel’s got her callback. Ryder is still being catfished. And, there is a surprise wedding.

 

Though it would appear that the powers that be want us to think it’s Klaine, I highly doubt it. In the promo, we see Blaine popping champagne (presumably after Regionals), ring shopping, and telling Sam “I kinda was hoping you’d be my best man.” Also, we’ve gotten a lot of BTS stills of Blaine, Sam and Tina (really?) shopping for rings. We’ve also seen pictures of Kurt and Blaine out with the woman from the jewelry store and her partner.

 

If Blaine does propose, I want Kurt to say No. I really don’t want Blaine to propose this season… listen to Papa Hummel, son. He is full of wisdom.

 

I don’t think there would actually be a Klaine wedding when there has been so much coverage of picking out the ring. This is likely just a bunch of misdirection. I am not fooled.

 

So, finale next week. I’m so ready for this season to be over. What about you?

 

Real life prevented me from getting my “Lights Out” glee-cap up in a timely fashion. This was another episode that I don’t feel like I need to watch in full ever again, but at least it advanced a couple storylines (though at the same time, it also omitted a few as well… it’s frustrating when they put something in the promo and then edit it out of the full episode).

 

Spoilers ahead…

 

Ryder is still getting catfished. Of all the plot lines to drag out, I don’t see why this one is it. But, this plays a major part of the episode, so we’ll go with it.

 

In Glee club, Mr. Schue tells the kids that he went and spied on the Hoosier Daddies. (I lived in Bloomington, IN with my sister while she went to IU – Ryan Murphy’s alma mater – so I get it…) This glee club has a tiny huge powerhouse singer for their lead (American Idol’s Jessica Sanchez) and this makes Mr. Schue propose that his kids need to perform huge, as if they were in a stadium. Of course at this moment, the power goes out and Principal Figgins announces over the PA system that candles and flashlights would be handed out based on GPA. The glee club’s assignment for the week gets changed to “Unplugged” and a majority of the rest of the episode at McKinley is in the dark. (Thematically, I think this was too soon to have the Glee kids in the dark again just 2 episodes after the gun at school episode… but that’s just my opinion.)

 

In the (dark) hallways of McKinley, Jake and Ryder have a bro-discussion about Katie. Jake says Ryder doesn’t know her, but Ryder says that he does and that he’s told her his biggest secret. Jakes says he wants to know too, but Ryder balks. Remember – Ryder is pretty sure Katie is someone in the glee club because a phone rang in the choir room when he tried to call her during the shooting incident.

 

Meanwhile, in NYC, Rachel and Kurt have an intervention with Santana and tell her she’s throwing her life away. Tina gave them the heads up that Santana is a go-go girl at a lady bar and Hummelberry tell her that she needs to stop doing that and focus on her talent. Auntie Snix says she’s just trying to figure out her dream, so Kurt suggests dance lessons.

 

Back in Lima, the glee kids sit in the dark while Sam perches on a stool in front of the class and talks about Phil Spector’s “Wall of Sound.” My ears perked up because 1. I know who Phil Spector is     2. I know what the Wall of Sound is   and  3. Sam playing a song solo and acoustically is the exact opposite of Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound, but I give Trouty Mouth an E for Effort.

 

Sam treats us to a little “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” with Ryder joining in mid-song. Artie’s on his phone during the entire number which tries to make you think that he is Ryder’s catfish, but really Artie is just too plugged in. He’s supposed to perform next, but claims he can’t sing his Miguel song because of his lack of synthesizers. Sam calls him – and everyone else – out for being on their phones all the time instead of in the moment. He calls them all sad and lame. (I took this as a direct smack in the face to the fans/today’s youth who spend all their time on their phones and computers instead of taking part in their own life. I know I’m guilty of it too, but I can shut down. I turn my phone off at night. I can make it through an entire movie or Broadway Show without taking out my phone in the middle of it to check my email or text someone.)

 

In NYC, Kurt is finally back at Vogue.com (where you BELONG, Kurt… you were meant to do great things with fashion) and we have the return of Isabelle – my second favorite adult character on Glee. (First will always be Burt Hummel… second used to be Coach Beiste, but not since she has a crush on Mr. Schue. Oy.) Isabelle is on the phone with Darren Arronofsky talking about Christopher Nolan and I roll my eyes while CrissColfer stans likely squealed in epic delight. She hangs up and asked Kurt about his dad (he’s doing well, thanks for asking!) and they talk about how Kurt hasn’t been around much since he started at NYADA. But, since Isabelle is awesome, she tells Kurt she prefers quality over quantity of work and says she’ll always support his dreams. (To which Kurt and the whole of the fandom said, “Thank you, Fairy Godmother.”) Isabelle then asks Kurt to be a celebrity wrangler at a big ballet gala and says he can ask some of his friends to help (this is what we call “foreshadowing”).

 

No longer at McKinley, Sue Sylvester is now a “freelance champion” and is a personal trainer at a gym. She has a Sue90X class and we are treated to Blaine Anderson in a blank tank top and tight green booty shorts doing a full out workout. I’m sure there were other people in the scene, but all I have written in my notes are “THIGHS.” I did see the guy in front of Blaine give a smile in his direction, but Blainers was not impressed. After the class, Blaine tells Sue that his plan was to tear her down, but now he just wants to find out what happened. Coach Roz is telling the Cheerios a bunch of weird stuff and he wants to set the record straight on what went down causing Sue to get fired. He tells her that the team needs her – and they do. Coach Roz is a hot mess.

 

(Then there was a super short/unnecessary scene of Artie telling Sam that they don’t need electricity or instruments to make music.)

 

Back in NYC, Kurt tells his roommates that they are all volunteering at the NYC Ballet Gala. Rachel goes through some epic monologue that she started as a ballerina. Kurt pipes in that he too did ballet when he was three (awwww – cute little kid Kurt!), but then Santana said that she “Studied the timeless art of ‘crunk’.” (It is assumed – and mentioned in the episode – that all little girls… and Kurt, apparently… wanted to be ballerinas and/or took ballet. I had aspirations to take ballet when I was little, but ended up not taking lessons. Perhaps this is why I am about as graceful as Marla Hooch… but I digress.) Kurt and Rachel get Santana to agree to do when it is mentioned that they get to keep their couture outfits as a gift.

 

Once again in the choir room, the lights are still off and the mood is still down. Ryder, backed by some unplugged instrumentalists, dedicates a song to all of them and sings REM’s “Everybody Hurts.” There are flashbacks of Tina, Marley and Jake getting slushies and there are candles and it’s all a bit much. When the song finishes, Mr. Schue tells him it was amazing (which is a huge step up from how mean Mr. Schue was to everyone recently).

 

Then, Ryder tells the glee kids that he was molested by his baby sitter when he was 11. If that wasn’t already mortifying enough, Artie and Sam questioned why Ryder would be upset about something like this because it’s every guy’s dream to get with an older girl. Tina and Marley tell Sam and Artie they are not cool, but Mr. Schue does not reprimand them at all. (Ugh.) I was hoping at some point during the rest of the episode that Sam and/or Artie would apologize, but they didn’t…. Not cool, Glee writers. Not. Cool.

 

Kitty asked Ryder out to dinner, saying she broke up with Puck when he went off to college. She said she noticed Ryder being withdrawn and confided in him that she was molested in 6th grade by her friend’s older brother at a sleepover, but that she didn’t tell her parents right away. When she finally did speak up, her parents said the boy who did that was a good kid and they couldn’t believe he would do something like that, so she was exiled and switched schools. While this plot line humanized Kitty a lot more and made me more sympathetic toward her character, I thought these plot lines were out of left field and should have had some sort of message before the episode.

 

(Small tangent – while they did have a quick PSA about molestation after the episode, I was unaware that this was a plot line that Glee was going to have and wished they would have had a warning before the episode. Having gone through a similar situation, I was flummoxed not only by the topic being brought up, but by the utter insensitivity shown toward Ryder’s character by Artie and Sam, as well as the lack of discipline from Mr. Schue. When Glee decides to tackle “serious” topics, they either hit a home run or strike out. This, in my opinion, was a called third strike. The writers didn’t even bother to swing the bat. Instead of using this as an opportunity to support Ryder in his decision to share his big secret, they had two of his friends cluelessly congratulate him on being molested because it was awesome that an 11  year old kid got treated that way by an older girl. Yes, Tina and Marley called Artie and Sam out, but it would have been more powerful to have one of the male characters comfort him or call Artie and Sam out on their wrongful praise. I almost burst into tears at Artie and Sam’s reactions because one of the first people I told what happened to me, they laughed and it made me feel even more terrible about the situation. Granted every episode of this show can’t be written to avoid such triggery topics, but it would have been nice to see something as serious as this handled with a little more care. The Ryder/Kitty scene was great, but it wasn’t enough to make up for the lack of apology from Artie and Sam.)

 

The next day, the glee kids performed “We Will Rock You” all Stomp-like on the stage. They were banging trashcan lids and dragging chains and using brooms to make music. Jake tapped and spun like he was in Broadway’s Newsies and it was entertaining, albeit a predictable number in this “unplugged” episode.

 

Outside, the Cheerios were having a pretty lackluster practice outside (Seriously – if the only Cheerios routine we see with Blaine is him clapping a couple pom poms together while sitting on the bleachers, that is a wasted opportunity, my friends.). Sue was watching from afar when Becky (sans Cheerios uniform and dressed exactly like Sue) walks up and tells her that she wants to quit Cheerios because of Coach Roz. Coach Roz refers to Becky as Baby Robin and seems convinced that Becky is actually Robin – Sue’s daughter. Sue’s quip “95 years I gave those girls,” was the best line of the scene before she launched into “Little Girls” from Annie. (I’m guessing this was because Jane Lynch will be appearing on Broadway soon as Miss Hannigan…). The number was all right, if you overlook the obvious lack of Ohio scenery behind them and that for the first time on the show, Blaine is lumped in with the “girls.”

 

Back in NYC, Kurt, Rachel and Santana are dressed to the nines at the Ballet Gala and are told that they can watch the show from the wings with Isabelle. (Can I work for Isabelle? She’s nice and there are amazing perks…) They all sing “At the Ballet” and if it weren’t for Naya’s voice, I would have put the song on mute. This number dragged on (flashbacks be damned) and I have a feeling its extended play is why we never got the Blaine/Sam/Becky confrontation scene that we were promised from the week prior’s promo.

 

After the longest Glee songs ever finally ended, Santana admits that she loves dancing but doesn’t know what to do. Isabelle tells her she has time to figure it out, but that she should do what she loves and feed her soul. She reminds everyone that baby steps are okay (thanks, Isabelle!).

 

The next day, Roz brings Becky to Figgins’s office and says that she is his problem. Becky misbehaved on purpose to get set to the principal because she didn’t think of just coming down to see him on her own accord. (Oh, Becky.) It is assumed she confesses that she was the one to bring the gun to school a few weeks ago, but this was not done on screen.

 

Power is finally restored to school – “it is a new dawn” – and Mr. Schue asks the New Directions to not plug back in quite yet. He suggests they sing a cappella (which one would assume everyone would turn to Blaine and say, “Teach us, oh great one of the two-stepping Stepford school of handsome boys,” but alas…). We don’t get another song right then and there, but the promise of New Directions making music with their mouths sometime soon.

 

Ryder still talks to Katie online (which, he is a surprisingly good speller when he types… I guess his dyslexia doesn’t apply to technology), but Kitty asks him out to lunch in real life. He said he would, but he’s still into Katie. (I don’t think Kitty is Katie anymore… I’m thinking Katie is Jake or Unique because both of them hang around Marley a lot and Katie used the phrase “it’s her truth” and Marley used a version of that phrase in this episode.)

 

A quick visit back to NYC finds Santana at a dance class that is a NYADA extension program. Santana sasses the teacher, but when she’s asked why she’s there, Santana answers honestly that she’s reintroducing herself to the art. After class, we see little Santana from earlier and she asks, “Don’t forget me again, okay?” The Santanas hug and hopefully this means Santana is on a path to fulfillment.

 

In the final performance of the show, the New Directions sing Billy Joel’s “For the Longest Time” and though it is not as adorable as the version that multiple Barneys and Teds sang on HIMYM a few weeks ago, it’s still entertaining (because this song is flawless). When I wasn’t watching Blaine sing backing vocals in his yellow pants, my eyes scanned the screen for Bittany, Sugar and Joe… but found none of them. We know they’ll be in the finale (since we need them for Regionals!), but what is their excuse for missing a fair few episodes recently? Boo… I miss Sugar.

 

The highlight for my crowd of friends was definitely the promo for 4×21 – “Wonder-ful” – Glee’s Stevie Wonder episode (Puh-lease don’t mess up my jams, Glee… I haven’t listened to the songs yet, as I’m waiting for the episode to air, but these could either turn out amazing or an ear-sore.). Based off the promo – (SPOILER ALERT) – Kurt, Mercedes and Mike Chang are back. And Blaine and Burt have at least one scene and in said scene, Blaine says, “I would like to ask Kurt to marry me.” Hopefully Burt says, “Yeah, that’s nice. You two aren’t back together yet and you should probably wait a few years for the wedding, but when you’re ready, you already have my blessing because I still love you like a son, Blaine.” And then they hug… and I just really want some quality Blaine and Burt scenes, okay?

 

 

Thoughts on 4×20?

 

This filler episode was definitely one I least enjoyed overall this season (which speaks volumes, because there have been more than several episodes this season that I thought were pretty Meh).

 

“Why do you continue to watch the show?” you ask.

 

Trust me, I ask myself this question all the time. If it weren’t for Darren Criss and those (usually) damn catchy covers, I would have stopped watching this show.

 

But, so long as Blaine Devon Anderson is still a character, I will watch. And I will continue to have delusionally high hopes that the next episode will get better and somehow recapture the magic that was The Pilot. I’m still waiting… and while I wait, I watch and take notes as I am underwhelmed by plot lines that the writers think we still care about.

 

Spoilers/Opinions ahead… ye be warned.

 

Glee already made us suffer through Gangnam Style earlier this season and then decided to throw in some Harlem Shuffle (Shake? Shuffle? Shake? I so was not hip to this fad earlier this year…) at us to show Finn enjoying his college life at The University of Lima (Which looked an awful lot like California… but production design, schmoduction design, am I right? *sigh*).

 

The episode started out VO heavy – Finn at college (wow, that application/acceptance process was fast…), Rachel in NYC (yapping on about her dream to be like Barbra and be the next Fanny Brice on Broadway in Funny Girl), and then later Marley talking about how she wants to be a singer-songwriter and perform her songs at Regionals. Blaine might have called himself “Honorary Rachel” later in the episode, but Marley (and her owl sweater) is a prime candidate as well. At least Marley is less annoying than Rachel… so, I can deal with this character shift.

 

Though there were five songs in the episode, the first half of the show was music-free. The writers used this time to give us plot. I’m one of those people who always begs for more plot but then gets disappointed when it’s Meh plot. (Shame on me, I know).

 

There was a lot of talk of the “fake school shooting” this episode and that made me a little weary. The person who seemed the most normally shaken up was Coach Beiste while everyone else kinda got weird. Tina started dressing Steampunk, Sam invented an Australian twin brother Evan Evans (Evan wore glasses… that is my biggest weakness.), Unique was taking birth control (I’m with Marley – I don’t think that’s healthy.), etc. Sue was gone (having taken the blame for Becky’s gun) and Roz was back to coach the Cheerios. And Will Schuester was back to being a douchebag.

 

Ugh. I liked it better when Will was off-screen in Washington DC fighting for the arts. He was doing much more for those glee kids not being on the show. Schue was nasty last night. He told them the theme for Regionals was “Dreams” and then gave them a list of songs with the word “Dream” in the title that they would be singing. Bor-ring. Marley Rose spoke up and said she wants to do original songs and he said NO. Will then restated that the New Directions were only going to Regionals on a technicality he thought that would shut them up.

 

It didn’t. Not really.

 

Blaine (“Honorary Rachel”) and the other glee kids held a secret glee club meeting to talk about how Mr. Schue’s songs were going to lose them Regionals. (He also pointed out they already sang “You Make My Dreams Come True” last season in a mash-up… We all remember that awesome moment of Hall & Oates gloriousness…). Marley presses for original songs, but is silenced by her peers.

 

Back at The U of L, Finn and Puck are running the place like they’ve been there for more than 5 minutes. (Yep – Puck is there. He’s not enrolled, but he’s there… and I’m glad Puck is there because I missed Puck. So, even with the crap plot, it was nice to see my favorite Puckerman again.) Will comes in while Finn is making grilled cheese with an iron and Puck is slip n’ sliding down the hallway. (Finn also acquired the bikini tops from two girls… I won’t even launch into my epic tirade about the objectification of women in a collegiate setting, but just know I have an entire monologue at my beck and call.) Will wants Finn to come back and to stop doing what he’s doing, but Finn says No and tells Mr. Schue that he can’t tell him what to do. Puck, on the other hand, is happier to see Mr. Schue and gives him a few hugs because Puck is precious and I wish he and Blaine had more screen time together last season because I could see Blaine, Sam and Puck (and Mike Chang too) hanging out and being besties – like, playing video games and dancing and stuff.

 

But I digress.

 

Back in Glee club, Blaine tells Mr. Schue that they have some alternative songs and Mr. Schue yells at Blainers and says he’s disappointed in him and says what he’s suggesting is unacceptable. (Mr. Schue also demeans Unique and her fake boobs after Unique hands a cutlet to Blaine and tells him he might need lady parts to confront their teacher.) So, after Mr. Schue bitches out all his kids, he tells them they have 5 minutes to get ready to rehearse his songs. After the leadership he showed last week during the shooting incident, this was an unwelcome return of the douchebag side of Will Schuester. No me gusta, Glee.

 

Then, in NYC, Rachel is practicing for her audition and Shelby (her birth mom, remember?) shows up. Apparently, Shelby lives in NYC now too (with Beth) and runs a Broadway daycare. Um… okay… and Shelby tells Rachel NOT to sing Babs at her audition. (Which, I agree with.) So, the mother/daughter pair sings “Next to Me” and I have never heard this song before ever and I kinda tuned out and wrapped my sister’s bachelorette party gift while they were singing. (#sorrynotsorry). I did take a time out from wrapping and managed to write “MEH” in my notes during this scene.

 

I wrote another “MEH” while Finn and Puck were singing “(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party!).” I like this song, but I just am so over the cliché of partying like an idiot during undergrad. And then when Puck and Finn (who are “apparently gay” since they were in glee club) got asked to be in a frat without having to pledge or anything, I’m like “really?”.

 

Back at McKinley, Marley asked Unique, Sam and Blaine to sing a song with her that she “wrote” after Mr. Schue yelled at all of them. Though riddled with cheesy lyrics, they sing “You Have More Friends Than You Know” and I couldn’t help but smile because it was nice to see the four of them sing together. The song was about self-acceptance and friendship (lines like “Who you are is okay” and “You’re not alone” [which was sung by Blaine… obviously], and “Those who love you the most may need more time to grow” were scattered throughout the song) and it was very fitting for these kids to be singing.

 

When they were done flawlessly sight reading Marley’s song, Blaine said that it was incredible and Sam asked if there were more songs. Blaine wants to tell everyone and Mr. Schue about Marley’s songs, but she says No because he already said he wasn’t interested in hearing ideas from them. BUT, Mr. Schue walked in on their performance, so he heard how “good” the song was and then how he was a crappy teacher (my words, not theirs).

 

Later, while Finn is contemplating hooking up his computer, he gets a call from Rachel. She’s not mad about what he did to Brody’s face, asks him how college is (she’s surprised to hear Puck is there) and then tells him she needs to ask him something. Without provocation, he remembers her Funny Girl audition (which, as much as I dislike Finchel as this point because I don’t care about Rachel in the slightest) and I’ll give that up as a sweet moment for Finchel fans because although Finn is an idiot, he knows what’s important to him in the long run. And apparently it’s Rachel. (Oy.) She asks for a song recommendation and he quickly tells her to sing something personal that defines her that will make the producers fall in love with her.

 

So, at the open audition/cattle call for Fanny Brice, Rachel sings “Don’t Stop Believing.” Though it’s a Rachel solo, she imagines Finn, Artie, Kurt, Tina and Mercedes are there (in their red outfits from the pilot) to back her up/sing with her. I liked the similar choreography and camera angles that were used in the pilot, but I didn’t really think this was wholly fitting of Rachel’s character. See – after she was done singing, the guy that played Weisel in the Newsies movie (yeah, you know it…) asked her what changed while she was singing. And she said that while she was singing, she thought about her friends believing in her.

 

Ugh.

 

Rachel Berry is so self-absorbed sometimes, you know? She always ends up getting whatever she wants (which in this episode, means a callback for Fanny Brice…) and always has her friends to boost her up. But what does she do for others? I mean… wasn’t Kurt supposed to have an audition too? (Remember – HE signed them both up.) But Rachel gets into NYADA with the help of her friends. She got Prom Queen because of her friends. She gets everything. It’s really tiresome watching her fail for two seconds, but then get handed the moon and whatever else she wants mere moments later.

 

Back in Lima, Puck wakes up Finn and scolds him for not going to class. I love that Puck has had pretty much the most character growth throughout this series. He gives Finn a lecture about how they are worth more than people say they are and that he is going to hang around and make sure Finn goes to class. I missed you, Puck.

 

At McKinley, Blaine and Becky are called into Coach Roz’s office where she says they are suspicious – especially Blaine (“Fruity Fonzie”). She says he’s never done a Cheerio routine, and somehow he’s a co-captain and that weeks after he gets that position, Sue is fired. Roz tells Blaine he used fruity voodoo and that he best not use that on her. She makes both Blaine and Becky repeat after her and we get one of the funnier moments of the night when both co-captains say “neeeeeeeeeever” just like Roz – with all that sass and attitude. (I’m sure there were great outtakes from this scene. But alas, Glee never gives us a Blooper Reel.)

 

Blaine notices that Becky gets skittish when the topic of Sue’s firing/the gun comes up and he questions her in the hallway. She tells him, “Mind your own gay business, gay Blaine” and it’s painfully obvious that other Cheerios and their coaches only identify him by his sexual preference. *sigh* For a show about inclusion, they really celebrate those characters who mostly spew negative dialogue.

 

Finn comes back to McKinley to say that he’ll work with Will again for college credit so long as he’s treated like an equal. And for those of you who cared about the Will/Finn friendship (I didn’t, but I’m sure there are people who do…) – they are back on. Will then walks into the choir room and starts complimenting the kids, giving him a deserved side-eye from Blainers who is still reeling about being yelled at several scenes ago. The glee instructor then prattles on about when he was in glee club and we get an exquisite close up of Jake Puckerman reacting to that scary picture of Mrs. Adler. (I actually laughed out loud. This was the one and only moment of the episode where that happened.)

 

Will then says he loves the kids and to show his love, he brings Finn back into the room and everyone applauds because having Finn back is basically like winning the lottery. Marley is then asked to share her original songs with everyone else and the room explodes again. (I would love to see those kids on Oprah’s Favorite Things episode.) Sam gets so excited he alternates between giving Blaine and Artie High 5s. On his second High 5 motion toward Blaine, Sam almost hit Blaine in the face. This was actually my #1 favorite moment of the episode. I hope it was an improv moment between the actors because it was such an adorable Blam moment and it was really fitting for their relationship (remember after “Heroes” when they both shoved each other in the head… this reminded me of that).

 

And then we had the scene where Rachel was bitching about not getting a callback call yet, but then she got the callback call. Kurt was in this scene and he was baking and eating cookies. I think the lack of Kurt in these past few episodes is going to be made up tenfold in the finale couple episodes… just sayin.

 

The final scene was all the New Directions kids singing some song called “Outcasts” (I think.) It was okay with cheeseball lyrics. (That was verbatim what I wrote in my notes.)

 

And then the show was over and I was relived. Mark this one down as another episode I’ll never have to watch all the way through ever again.

 

The promo was actually the highlight of the night. I (as well as the rest of the Internet) was NOT expecting to see Blaine in short green shorts, black leggings and a black tank top jazzercising in Sue’s class. He also interrogates Becky about the gun thing, but I’m pretty sure all that mattered in that 30 second clip (which also featured the NYC gang and a power outage at McKinley) was Blaine in that outfit. Ryan Murphy is apparently a bigger Darren/Blaine Stan than the whole of the fandom. The odds were ever in our favor when that kid was cast…

 

Thoughts? 

So, yeah… Glee got a little lot intense last night. This is going to be a weird recap, as there were only 3 songs and I thought this episode had some of the best and worst moments in Glee’s history.

 

As you probably know by now, the show revolved around (SPOILERS) gun shots being fired off at school and the over-arching theme of “tell those you love that you love them because time is running out.”

 

 

This is going to be jumbled – much like my feels during the show – so here we go…

 

 (SPOILERS)

Songs:

 

Your Song – Ryder

 

Ryder’s catfish plot is still unresolved and I’m over it as much as the rest of you. He thought he saw Katie in the hallway, so he took her to the choir room and sang Your Song to her. If you’re like me, you thought he did an okay job but wished the writers would have allotted this epic romantic ballad to Blaine for Kurt in some future episode. But, what’s done is done.

 

After the song, the girl was like, “my name’s not Katie – I’m Marissa” and whoever this Katie person is has used Marissa’s face for all prior acts of communication. Ryder is livid and thinks Jake or Marley is Katie and their doing it on purpose to make him look like an idiot as revenge for liking Marley.

The camera angles and jarred camera movements, I was worried for a half a second they were setting Ryder up to be the one with the gun. He was upset, but didn’t seem upset enough to shoot/hurt someone or himself. Luckily, when the gun went off, he was in the choir room with most of the rest of the New Directions. During the crisis, he called Katie and a phone inside the choir room rang and rang, but it was in a backpack, so we don’t know whose it is. I’m betting it’s Jake or Unique. (Kitty said it wasn’t her.)

 

Near the end of the episode, Ryder was supposed to meet Katie outside the choir room at 3:30 but she never showed up. He looked angsty and ran off to the auditorium to join the rest of the New Directions for their final song.

 

 

More Than Words – Sam, Brittany and New Directions

 

Brittany started off the episode by saying an asteroid/meteor/comet/whatever was headed their way and that they should all be preparing for only having a few days left. Everyone (but Sam) groaned and they brought up how she said pretty much the same thing at Christmas.

 

But, since Mr. Schue placates horrible plot points, he makes their Glee assignment “Last Chances” so you can say what you want to say to the people you love because any moment it could be your last.

 

Brit takes this seriously and wants to make amends with Lord Tubbington. Sam is a little perturbed that Brit would rather profess her love to a cat than him, but he’s the best BF ever and tells her she should bring her cat to school so they could all sing to it.

 

And so Sam, Brit and the New Directions sing “More Than Words” and everyone is like WTF when Brit sings to the cat instead of Sam. (Did you see Blaine turn around and look at his forlorn bff? I did…)

 

During the gun shot crisis, Brittany is not in the choir room with everyone else and Sam gets worried. REAL worried… to the point where he makes several attempts to leave the room and find Brittany. It was really heartbreaking when Coach Beiste and Mr. Schue had to physically restrain Sam and make him sit on the floor near Artie and Blaine.

 

Brittany was safe during the crisis – she was hiding in a bathroom stall. Heather Morris’s performance in this scene was tied for most gut wrenchingly sad moment of the night. My mouth just kind of hung open in horror as she stood on the toilet seat, silently crying. That was really profound and was one of the best (if not most dramatic) moments in Glee history.

 

Mr. Schue found Brittany and two other students in the bathroom and lead them back to the choir room. Sam and Brit were reunited and later in the episode they told each other they loved each other and Sam got her another cat – Lady Tubbington.

 

 

Say – Blaine, Ryder and New Directions

 

 At the end of the episode, the New Directions gathered on the stage to sing this super sad and poignant John Mayer song. It literally hammers home the theme of saying what you mean to say to people before it’s too late. The message is strong and it was an appropriate ending for the show. New Directions group numbers have been some of the strongest performances of the season and this was no exception.

 

Worst moments from the episode:

 

The scene between Coach Beiste and Mr. Schue in the locker room.

 

I love the two of them as friends, but I don’t get how they can write her character being in love with him when she’s been so happy for/supporting of him and Emma in previous episodes. There are lot more awful things I could say about this, but I don’t have the time or patience to write them right now.

 

 

Becky’s Got a Gun

 

So, it was obvious when Sue confessed to it being her gun that she was covering for someone. And that someone was Becky… who brought her father’s loaded gun to school.

 

I’m surprised there wasn’t a PSA about how you shouldn’t keep a loaded gun in the house – especially one that is accessible to children. I’m less shocked, though still annoyed, that there was no consequences for Becky for having the gun. Are we just supposed to forgive that character for her accidental wrong doing because of her Down Syndrome? Are we supposed to brush this off like “oh, maybe she didn’t know better”? Is everything now going to be okay and just go back to normal because it was all just a big misunderstanding?

 

Accident or not, there were lessons to be learned from Becky bringing a loaded gun to school. Glee gets preachy about a lot of stuff, but somehow managed to overlook the bigger issue of why Becky felt a gun was the only way to protect herself from the future.

 

Also, I didn’t care for Sue’s “I did all this great stuff but I’ll only be remembered for this” speech. If you’re so worried about your reputation, then don’t take the fall for Becky. * shrug *

 

 

Brittany’s Comet

 

I’m sad they made Brittany say the dumbest things on this show. She used to just have witty one-liners… but when they write epic monologues about dumb things, I tune out and wish she would go back to being the quiet one who just dances really well.

 

 

Blina

 

I get that Blaine was worried about Tina and Tina was worried about Blaine because they were apart during the incident. But, their scene in the hallway was actually a bit of a turn off for me. Is Blaine Tina’s only friend in the glee club? And while I get that friends are touchy-feely like that – especially after something traumatic – but Blina gets more physical contact at school than Klaine did while they were dating. Someone who tuned into last night’s show probably thinks that Blaine and Tina are together. And while I am well aware that Klaine was not a story line during last night’s show (nor should it have been… I was thankful NYC was not part of the episode and that Kurt was not mentioned once), I think that they’re turning Blaine into a more

 

 

The best moments from the episode:

 

The entire gunshot sequence in the choir room and bathroom.

 

This was the most impressed I’ve been by dramatic performances from the cast during the entire run of the series. While everyone brought something to the table, I was most affected by Heather Morris, Chord Overstreet and Darren Criss.

 

Heather Morris – My heart broke more and more with each passing second that Brittany stood on top of that toilet and silently cried. When another gunshot went off and she ducked a bit with fear before crying some more… my mouth was literally just hanging open. At this point, you weren’t aware that there were two other students in other stalls, so you just thought Brittany was alone. It was terrifying and HeMo really brought it.

 

Chord Overstreet – Sam could not stay put because Brittany wasn’t there and he was scared for her safety. Sam is easily one of the most selfless and caring characters on the show and when you see him upset, it’s more upsetting because you know he blames himself for not being able to help someone else. It was really intense when Sam tried to break out of Coach Beiste and Mr. Schue’s hold to leave the choir room to get to Brittany. Arms were flailing and tears were flowing. This was one of the least vain sequences in Glee and I’m grateful the actors were willing and able to get there.

 

Darren Criss – I freely admit to being 100% biased and focusing on him during group scenes. (Full disclosure – he is the #1 reason why I still watch the show.) But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t know when he’s giving a good or bad performance. (Because trust me, not all his moments on Glee have been his finest work…) However, I was wholly impressed by his ability to play small moments with little/no dialogue. Darren’s face is very expressive, but he is able to use body language to let audiences completely understand what’s going on in Blaine’s mind. Blaine physically closed in on himself last night – arms were crossed, knees were clutched, head was down. When his face crumbled, I got sad. When his eyes plead for others to stop as his small voice begged for a phone to be shut off, or when he tearfully said hello to his mom over the phone once everyone was given the all clear, I just wanted to reach through the TV and give the kid a hug. We were also blessed with some small Blam moments – their friendship is my favorite on the show and I’m grateful when we are reminded of how much they care for each other and lookout for each other.

 

 

This was definitely not my favorite episode of Glee, nor will I ever actively watch the whole episode ever again. I was impressed with the drama of the choir room scene, but was not a huge fan of the more “lighthearted” stuff during the episode (and I’m over the catfish plot… just sayin).

 

It’s a show called “glee,” but if they are willing to make the audience terrified and give us high drama, at least have the decency to just commit to the high drama. The Glee writers are not quite capable of what the HIMYM writers can do – they can do high comedy and high drama well in one episode. Glee cannot.

 

Glee was infinitely more tolerable this week due to a majority of the episode centering on Blaine and Sam’s friendship and their ability to work together and lead the rest of the Glee club in Mr. Schue and Finn’s absence.

 

The theme of this week’s episode was “Guilty Pleasures.” Upon watching the episode, you figure that the writers probably went around the room and said what their guilty pleasures because no high school kid these days is a Fanilow (sorry Sam!), whereas people from my generation and above are (as in, I am a Fanilow… I have a well worn copy of Barry Manilow’s Ultimate Hits… but I’m also 10+ years older than the characters on this show). This episode was obviously catering to the guilty pleasures of older writers/producers when they had a Small Wonder reference. I would wager if you asked any high school kid if they know what Small Wonder was, they would have no idea. A few months ago I asked a 21 year old about The Wonder Years and he had NO IDEA what I was talking about. So… yeah. This episode was for us older gleeks, though I’m sure the younger crowd didn’t mind all the Blam on this week’s episode of Blee.

 

It’s been working out good doing my glee-cap around the songs, so let’s do that again this week…

 

Wake Me Up Before You Go Go – Blaine and Sam (w/New Directions)

 

At the start of the episode, Blaine cornered Sam at his locker and tried to give him $50 for food because he saw Sam stealing pasta from the school’s kitchen. Sam caves and says he’s not stealing the noodles to eat, but to create art. He shows Blaine a room full of pasta art, complete with a very well done portrait of Kurt. Blaine is taken aback and muses, “The macaroni really captures him,” starting off an episode chock-full of great Blam quotes.

 

Once Sam gets his guilty pleasure off his chest, he asks Blaine to share what his guilt pleasure is. We all know Blaine’s guilty pleasure is Sam, especially with all those close ups of his eyes and those lips. But, Blaine balks and says he loves Wham! and that Wham! is his favorite band of all time. (I would argue Blaine probably does love Wham! – especially since he likely helped Kurt do one of their songs for his NYADA application, but we all know he was lying in the moment to spare himself from humiliation and potentially ruining his friendship with Blaine).

 

Tina interrupts and says that Mr. Schue is sick, to which Sam asks if she is going to straddle him while he’s passed out and rub his chest with ointment. Tina claims it was just a phase while Sam and Blaine get a decent chuckle out of what was probably one of the most awkward/creepy moments in television history.

 

Blaine and Sam have all the glee kids gather in the choir room. Though they have no teacher, Blam gives the glee kids an assignment to sing guilty pleasure songs. They got the idea when Blaine told Sam about Wham (“Shooting the crap like brothers do…”) and say that by sharing their musical shame, they can be cohesive and use it as team building.

 

When the other kids are initially not for the idea, Blaine and Sam unzip their hoodies to reveal their “Choose Life” 80s t-shirts and instantly we are transported on stage to the whole of New Directions in bright colored shorts, shirts and skirts singing “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.”

 

I’m grateful I saw the video of this the other day because I might have had a heart attack at all the 80s awesomeness and the fact that Blaine had Darren hair and was wearing short blue shorts and an earring. All the dancing made me laugh and gave me some flashbacks to my youth. It was a fun and up-beat performance and I was giggling the entire time.

 

 

Copacabana – Sam

 

Continuing with the Blam storyline, Sam pulls Blaine aside in the locker room by saying, “Put some pants on, I need to talk to you.” (Their friendship is PRICELESS.) When Sam gets all shifty, Blaine jumps to the conclusion he’s hoping for as he asks, “Do you have feelings for me?” Sam quickly says No but still acts all weird until Blaine finally gets him to blurt out that he likes Barry Manliow. Sam has several monologues about Manilow throughout the episode, but this one ends with “It’s like he’s talking right to me.”

 

You can tell Blaine thinks Sam is nuts for being a Fanilow, but tells him he needs to come out about it to the other glee kids. Sam looks worried, but later in class, he flat out tells everyone that he loves Barry Manilow and then rattles off a laundry lists of why (amazing performer and songwriter, underappreciated, great hair, etc…). Sam ends his rambling with “This is who I am and I make no apologies.”

 

Nor should you, Sam.

 

So, Sam puts on those crazy arm things you see people wear on DWTS and sings Copacabana. And guess what? ALL the glee kids know it and join in because everyone and their mom knows that song. Blaine calls Sam brave for singing that, but soon the rest of the glee guys admit to being Fanilows too.

 

 

Against All Odds – Blaine

 

After Sam sings his Manilow jam, he approaches Blaine in the library (the kid was reading a Goosebumps book, for crying out loud… which a lot of people are taking to be an Easter Egg w/regard to Klaine because Blaine is reading “The Phantom in the Auditorium” and Kurt did that PotO number last season…). Sam tells Blaine it’s his turn to admit his guilty pleasure because he has talked the talk, but has yet to “Walk the walk, pilgrim.” (Oh Sam and your John Wayne impressions trying to use humor to make Blaine laugh/feel less awkward about the whole situation… besties, yo.) Encouraging his friend to be honest, Sam tells Blaine that he needs to set an example for the glee club.

 

So, in the auditorium a little later, Blaine sits at a piano on stage and plays a moving rendition of the Phil Collins CLASSIC Against All Odds. Darren sang that live and accompanied himself on piano. Though it wasn’t as heartbreaking as Teenage Dream in 4×4, it was still pretty great. There was no way to do that kind of song/performance pre-recorded, and Darren is talented and capable enough to do that live-to-tape.

 

The whole of the glee club is in the audience, but we keep getting shots of Blaine looking over at Sam and Sam watching Blaine’s every move. It’s a devastating song and I can see why it was used for the show.

 

I saw some people grumbling about how Blaine is singing this love song about Sam. Blaine’s not in love with Sam the way he is in love with Kurt. I think the pain Blaine was feeling was from his own internal conflicts – knowing that having a crush on a straight person is not going to amount to anything, knowing that having a crush on his straight best friend could potentially ruin their friendship, and having feelings for Sam while having feelings for Kurt.

 

A lot of the lyrics of the song apply perfectly to the Blam relationship. For example, “You’re the only who really knew me at all.” Since Kurt left, Sam is the only person in Blaine’s life who seems to know him inside and out and still loves him unconditionally because of or in spite of this knowledge.

 

And what about this whole verse:

 

I wish I could just make you turn around,

turn around and see me cry

There’s so much I need to say to you,

so many reasons why

You’re the only one who really knew me at all

 

Blaine is obviously struggling about whether he should tell Sam or not about the crush. He wants to tell Sam because Sam is his best friend. He needs to tell Sam because keeping it in will eventually break Blaine and likely put a strain on their relationship. Blaine just doesn’t have the confidence in himself to trust that if he tells Sam his secret, Sam is going to be okay with it. Sam is friends with pretty much everyone, whereas Blaine is not – and I think that’s his own doing. We the audience still don’t know all that much about him, which leads me to believe that the writers have made him this surfacely friendly person/people pleaser who keeps his own business to himself. Sam sees through that, though, because Sam cares about Blaine. This is seriously one of the best examples of male friendship in any show I watch on a regular basis.

 

When Blaine finishes his song, Tina asks who it’s about and Blaine immediately says Kurt, but also Phil Collins. He goes on about how he’ll spread his music and ends with, “I am no longer in the closet about my love for Phil Collins.” Sam does not believe Blaine’s words and you KNOW he’s going to call him out on it…

 

… Which he does. Sam finds Blaine at the piano on stage a while later and they have conversation about musical guilty pleasures that they both know is really about them. Sam takes the reins on the conversation and addresses the elephant in the room. He says Blaine doesn’t have to be uncomfortable and that he knows that he is Blaine’s guilty pleasure. He then says how he knows Blaine is into guys and that he himself is an attractive guy, so he would have been offended if Blaine wasn’t into him. Though Sam was joking to put Blaine at ease, he was completely serious when he told Blaine that nothing was going to change between them. He says the attention feels good and says that it’s flattering. In true Sam Evans-style, he tells Blaine that they need to hug it out and the boys wrap each other in a huge hug, with Blaine smiling brightly, eyes closed, as he embraces his best friend.

 

After a few moments, Sam sports a frown and says, “Please tell me that’s a pack of Lifesavers in your pocket.” Blaine says no, that they’re breath mints, and asks if Sam wants one. Sam says Yes and Blaine takes the roll of mints out of his pocket and each boy pops a mint into his mouth. It was a great – albeit cheesy – to diffuse the entire situation and really the whole crush on Sam should be over by this point. If anything is mentioned again, it’ll be a joke/teasing situation. This plot line should have been wrapped up during “Naked,” as there were no instances of Blaine’s crush since then, but at least it got resolved.

 

Now we just need all the Blam all the time.

 

 

Wannabe – Kitty, Brittany, Marley, Tina and Unique

 

Brittany approaches Kitty near the top of the episode and tells her that everyone hates her and she’s mean. She says Kitty should use her powers for good and not evil and invites her on Fondue for Two. The girls chat and start talking about guilty pleasures. The Bring it On movies are brought up (woot) and then Kitty whispers her musical guilty pleasure to Brit. Tina – who watches Fondue for Two – demands to know what Kitty’s guilty pleasure is and Brittany tells her it’s the Spice Girls. All the glee girls are like, “omg, me too!” and they plot to sing a Spice Girls song and try to figure out which Spice Girl they should be.

 

The girls perform Wannabe and everyone is happy because that song (and the Spice Girls) is awesome. During the song, Artie is hardcore eyeing Kitty and at the end, he remarks how he’s never seen her so happy.

 

The best part about this number was the band. The drummer side-eyed the girls and my favorite band dude was back, rocking a keytar, no less.

 

 

My Prerogative – Jake

 

Jake was going to sing a Chris Brown song until ALL the glee girls hound him for wanting to sing his music. Jake makes the perfectly legit argument saying that he likes Chris Brown’s music, but not Chris Brown (which is exactly how I feel about Chris Brown) and how people should be able to separate the art from the artist. The girls say that they should never do a Chris Brown song (though, remember Season One they sang “No Air,” so too late…).

 

When it’s Jake’s turn to sing, he opts to sing a Bobby Brown song, “My Prerogative.” I liked his dance moves, but his voice bothers me when he doesn’t sing low.

 

Silly Jake was unaware that Bobby Brown is pretty much just as bad as Chris Brown, since it’s believed he’s the one who got Whitney Houston started on drugs. Marley was still made at Jake’s insensitiveness, but they kiss in the hall anyway. Meh.

 

 

Creep – Brody and Rachel

 

So, Santana is living with Kurt and Rachel now because Brody moved out. She is still snarky as always and says she’ll break her pact with Kurt and tell Rachel about Brody. Kurt says she can’t do that until after her Funny Girl audition. As of that point in the plot, Brody left without saying why but said they’ll always be friends. Santana knows the truth, but tries to stay on Rachel’s good side by saying the two of them should prank Kurt. They opt for the “hand in warm water” trick and find him in his bed, wrapped in a “boyfriend pillow” (i.e. a pillow with an arm you can wrap around yourself). They immediately pick on him, but he says it was purchased while on Ambien (does he need an Intervention). He named his pillow “Bruce” and says he’s exclusive (which I take to mean that Adam and Kurt have never shared a bed…).

 

Later, Kurt gets Santana and Rachel pillows and Rachel calls the pillow weird, saying she doesn’t need it b/c she’s going to get back together with Brody. Santana loses it and says that Brody was a gigolo, which Rachel doesn’t believe. Rachel asks Kurt if it’s true and if he knew, but he doesn’t say anything (even though she can totally tell he was withholding information).

 

(Kurt withholds information a lot…  He didn’t have a huge role in this episode, but we did get a VO about his own guilty pleasures. Not was one of Kurt’s guilty pleasures his boyfriend pillow, but he also wear a Richard Simmons outfit while he sweats to the Oldies. The fandom exploded at the sight of Kurt’s legs in those shorts and everything else going on in those shorts…)

 

Rachel approaches Brody at a class and gives him some money, saying she was hoping she could have dinner with him. (Low blow, Rachel, even for you.) She says she was an idiot because they said they’d be honest with each other. Brody calls her out on not being honest with him about sleeping with Finn at the wedding. He then tells her that Finn was the one who came and beat him up (which she still didn’t know) and says that he knows she is still in love with Finn. Rachel was sure Santana was the one who ratted her out, but he just knew.

 

In a rare moment of self clarity, Rachel says that she used her relationship with Brody to make Finn jealous and to fill her own heartache. Brody asks if they are over and Rachel says, “Yeah, it feels like it is.”

FINALLY.

 

They then sang “Creep” and I wrote in my notes NO1CURRS and “ugh, just give me Blam already.”

 

I like this song, but I thought it was not used well on the show with all the slow motion and whatnot.

 

 

Mamma Mia – Everybody in NYC and Lima

 

Kurt and Santana are watching a Facts of Life marathon when Rachel gets back. She says that her and Brody are officially over and thanks Santana for what she did. Kurt tells Rachel not to be sad and that he named her boyfriend pillow for her (Colin – after the kid in The Secret Garden). Rachel said she’s not sad, and that she’s ready to date older guys. (REALLY? Did you not just get out of a bad relationship with an older guy? Because that is literally what just happened 5 minutes ago…)

 

She also says they are going to watch movies and she plays the pity card to get then to watch Mamma Mia. And then everyone sings Mamma Mia (which is totally one of my favorite ABBA songs) and the NYC kids frolic about their apartment while the Lima kids are in ABBA-outfits (and poor Blainers’s hair is flat-ironed out, making him look like Pete Wentz’s long-lost brother…).

 

The most notable moment during this song was a tie between Kurt tripping over his hula hoop and Kurt throwing a hula hoop in NYC and Blaine catching a hula hoop in Lima. People on the blogs went bat-shit.

 

So, yeah…

 

I enjoyed this episode for all the Blam and its epic lack of Mr. Schue and Finn.

 

We are now on a 3 week hiatus until the last 5 episodes. I’m ready for this season to be over. And I’m okay if Blaine and Kurt are not back together by the end of it… however, I would like an update on Papa Hummel’s cancer. (Right?)

 

Thoughts?

So, Glee’s “Feud” episode should have been called “Fight Club”… I think this was one of the most physically violent episodes of the show. (At least Kurt didn’t get shoved into any lockers… the fan fave was maybe in the episode for 4 minutes, but had one of the best lines of the whole night – “Bitch stole my pillow.” – Because he and Rachel kicked her out of their apartment and she did, in fact, take his pillow. And Rachel’s comforter.)

 

The show opened with that same music that plays when Sue Sylvester is gonna go ape-shit on someone (“O Fortuna” from Carmina Burana), but this time it dealt with Will and Finn (though fear not, Sue still goes ape shit on people in this episode too… as per usual).

 

So, how about we deal with this episode like last week? By song (and, therefore, by “Feud”).

 

Heartbreaker – Brody vs. Rachel

 

It’s official – Rachel is not pregnant and Brody is a gigolo (Neither of these revelations are a surprise.). Brody calls himself “Gunner” and allows himself to get picked up by an older woman to help pay for his tuition. Throughout the song, he muses that he thinks he loves Rachel (you don’t Brody, let’s be real here…) and he wastes her time and the viewers’ time by singing and dancing with this older woman. He’s a minor character who is nothing more than a nice body and plot filler. Rachel sings the song with him, though she is home and alone. She says she thinks she loves him too, but you can tell this is not a “forever” relationship. I can’t wait for Brody not to be on the show anymore.

 

 

The Bitch is Back/Dress You Up – Ryder vs. Unique

 

Unique is mad at Ryder for kissing Marley (remember Unique and Marley are besties and they are flawless together, MmmKay?). She also calls Ryder a poser while she calls herself a “proud Black woman.” Ryder scoffs and calls Unique a “dude” and that pisses her off.

 

This was one of those episodes where Glee tried to tackle a HUGE topic of gender identity and it just came off weak and not quite great. Unique and Ryder sing their mashup and it’s a great mashup (those two have such strong voices), but when Blaine asks them to shake hands and let bygones be bygones. Unique wants Ryder to call her a girl, but Ryder refuses, saying he’s a dude. Unique is furious and says, “You don’t get to decide for me.” Jake (who is also mad at Ryder for kissing Marley) calls Ryder a douche and says that in the glee club, people are supposed to be allowed to be whoever they want. (Way to go, Ryder.)

Ryder has been conversing with some girl (whose name is Katie – I think) online (oh, remember the days of IM? Sigh). They talk about silly stuff, but also about serious matters, such as Ryder not calling Unique a girl. Ryder says he respects Wade and his choices and then the mystery girl says that being a girl is Wade/Unique’s truth so that Ryder should respect said truth.

 

Later in the episode, Ryder asks Unique, Marley and Jake to meet him. He apologizes to Marley for kissing her. He apologizes to Jake as well and says that friendship is about trust. He promised that even though he fumbled this time, he wouldn’t let him down in the future. They shook hands and will eventually be okay, just not yet. As for Unique, Ryder says he won’t pretend to understand, but says “You’re a girl, dude.” Unique says that she got chased home by a group of girls the day before. Ryder, Marley, Jake AND Kitty (who walks in last second) says they will walk her home because they are friends and they have to stick together, especially with Regionals coming up. They say how Artie, Sam, Tina and probably Brittany would be graduating… (What about Joe, Sugar and BLAINE?!), so they have to be their own little group. This felt like a half-assed attempt to set up Season 5. I wasn’t buying it. I also don’t really care enough about any of these 5 characters to make me excited for their chunk of the show next season. Blaine and Sam have been the only characters I care about in Lima (and Burt Hummel, but we haven’t seen much of him this season… which sucks b/c I want to know how he’s doing with his cancer…), so once they’re gone, my attention will likely be gone too.

 

 

Cold Hearted – Santana (who sings it at Brody)

 

Santana has made it her mission in NYC to get Brody away from Rachel and out of the apartment. As much as I love Santana’s newfound loyalty to the person she really couldn’t stand for 3 seasons, I kind of don’t really get it. Perhaps she’s just pissed that Rachel is naïve to believe Brody isn’t the scumbag the rest of us know he is.

 

Santana calls Brody “donkey face” and Rachel says that he said he has a side job as a cater/waiter. (Yeah… he “caters” to older ladies needs.) Santana tells her she needs to stop and focus and how this is not the Rachel Berry she went to school with. While Brody is in the shower, Santana steals his pager.

 

Later, Auntie Snix goes to NYADA and confronts Brody. He calls her loud and rude and says she’s all talk. She says she’s a hardcore friend and then oozes sex as she gets her Paula Abdul on. (At this point in the show I wrote “Can Naya just sing all the songs?” in my notes.)

 

Santana gets back to the apartment later and tells her roommates that she got a job tending bar at a Coyote Ugly place (um… she’s underage. How does a 19-year-old tend bar?). Rachel and Kurt ask to speak with her and they said she just can’t up and go to NYADA and do that because that’s where they go to school. They ask her to move out and that does not sit well with Santana b/c she considers them her family and she has love for them. She leaves, though, saying she’ll move in with Lena Dunham. She takes Rachel’s blanket and Kurt’s pillow (“Bitch took my pillow.”) and exits the apartment.

 

Toward the very end of the episode, Brody goes into a hotel room to find Santana waiting for him. She reveals that Finn is there with her and she leaves the two of them alone. Finn is livid and tells Brody to disappear from Rachel’s life forever. Brody says he loves Rachel (ew – no you don’t) and the two of them start fighting. Finn is Hulk-angry and they break a bunch of furniture before Finn growls “Stay away from my future wife.” He then kicks a table on his way out.

 

(Personal note – I think it’s wrong for the two of them to be fighting over Rachel like she’s some piece of property. Shouldn’t she get a say of who she loves/wants to be with? While the lesser of the two evils would be Finn, if she wants to be dumb and stick with Brody, that’s her prerogative. Also – Finn going ape-shit on Brody is not great. Finn is a violent person – as you will see in another song chunk of re-cap – and it makes you wonder if he would ever hit a girl or a kid, or something/someone that shouldn’t be hit.)

 

 

Bye Bye Bye/I Want It That Way – Will vs. Finn (w/the New Directions boys claiming neutrality of Switzerland)

 

Tina, Artie and Blaine sat Will and Finn down in the choir room to tell them that Will has been extra mean to Finn (bossing him around to get coffee, praising Ryder when really Ryder is just Finn 2.0, etc…) and Finn has been losing his mind (he kicked a music stand… of course). Blaine writes “Feuds” on the whiteboard and tells the two older men that they have to stop it. The three seniors give Will and Finn the assignment to sing songs from feuding artists and that they need to make up and be on the same page/team for Regionals.

 

The two men have a chat in the auditorium later and they try to discuss what they are going to sing. Will ends up lashing out at Finn, saying that he only gave him control of the Glee club b/c he took pity on him and was trying to get Finn back on his feet. Will said he felt betrayed by what Finn did (kiss Emma) and said that Finn broke the code of the brother.

 

So, what do these two oh-so-manly men decide to sing for their Feud songs? Will channels NSYNC (with the help of Blaine and Jake) as they sing “Bye Bye Bye” complete w/marionette strings while Finn (with the help of Artie, Ryder and Sam) take on the Backstreet Boys CLASSIS, “I Want It That Way.”

 

I was DYING during this song because I love NSYNC and BSB so much and always will and it was beyond amazing to see some classic boyband moves. With heaps of bias, I loved seeing Darren on Team Bye Bye Bye because it was fun to watch him dance and do tricks with the strings.

 

The sequence itself, though, made little sense. The boyband singing/dancing was juxtaposed with Will and Finn fighting each other on stage, and then them hugging. HOWEVER, when the song was over and Sam suggested the men to hug it out, Will said he couldn’t. Finn said that he understood there was nothing he could do to get Will’s trust back.

 

Later, Finn is in his office packing up his stuff. Marley comes in and gives him a Thank You card and asks what’s next for him. He says he doesn’t know, so she tells him to grow a pair and forget about Mr. Schue and that Mr. Schue does not define him. Finn disagrees and said that Will and McKinley do define him, so Marley gives him a decent pep talk saying that he’s a natural leader and would make a great teacher. She encourages him to get a teaching degree.

 

(And then, as I mentioned before, Will beats Brody up in a hotel room…)

 

We know from (SPOILERS) that Finn does decide to go to college for teaching. I’m interested in how that will play out, I guess. I don’t hate Finn this season (except when he’s pining after Rachel and kicking/punching things). It’d be nice to see him feel good about himself again.

 

 

I Still Believe/Super Bass – Blaine vs. Sue

 

Oh, Blainers.

 

Blaine’s in Sue’s office where she tells him he’s been slacking on his Cheerios commitment and that he was only a Cheerio from Dec 5-Dec 6. Blaine explains that that was because of glee club, but he was done being a Cheerio. She counters that he – Blaine Devon Anderson – signed a contract stating that he would be available for Cheerios duties when she needed him. The signature is a forgery and he doesn’t want to be on Cheerios. Sue says that if he doesn’t rejoin, something unfortunate would happen to him extremely soon. He asks if she’s threatening him and we all know she is.

 

Later in the episode, Sue makes his life a little less dapper. She gives him some sort of cement instead of hair gel, takes out a bunch of credit cards in his name and ruins his parents’ credit (it’d be awesome if we ever got to see said parents…) and then she hired a plane with a banner that read “Blaine is on the bottom.” At that, Blaine says “that’s not true – not really,” which give Klainer’s some background information into some personal matters… for reasons. He calls what she is doing “inexcusable” and this is the most fired up we’ve seen Blaine ever – especially at an adult. Sue challenges him to a Mariah Carey/Nicki Minaj sing-off and says that if she wins, he has to join Cheerios.

 

When it’s time for the sing-off, Blaine (in his cute little red cardigan) gets up and sings “I Still Believe” and it’s adorable and one-man boybandish. But then Sue – in full Minaj getup – and her Cheerios/black lights/feathers knock out “Super Bass” and it’s easy to see that Blainers is not going to come out of this the victor. In a last-ditch effort, he jumps up on the little stage in the choir room and tries to sing that he still believes, but you can see his hope fading fast (you know.. that point in the song that goes “I had a dream” instead of “I still believe…”). At one point, Sue shoves him off the stage (which I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to do to a student). And, when only Tina votes for Blaine over Sue, we know that Cheerio!Blaine is back.

 

Speaking of Cheerio!Blaine, we were blessed with several close ups of the boy in uniform and his ass was made for those horrible poly-blend, but blissfully tight, pants. He is made co-captain with Becky (and she kisses him on the lips…) along with being told that this is the real world and real world has commitments. She asks if he’s committed to being a Cheerio and he says Yes. She then tosses him a thong and tells him to wear that to avoid VPLs.

 

You’d think Blainers would be defeated, but the kid had a smile on his face as he walked down the hall – thong in hand – and meets up with Sam. Turns out my favorite dynamic duo (BLAM!) made a plan to take down Sue Sylvester with Blaine working from the inside. (In my head canon, this scheme was hatched over the two of them having a comic book movie marathon the night that Blaine lost the sing-off… Sam suggested that they use this shitty situation to their advantage and then Blaine got excited about being able to do something good while on the Cheerios even though he already had so much on his plate.)

 

So, I’m looking forward to Blam taking Sue down and Blaine in those pants (and a cheer routine? That’d be a waste of talent and plot if they don’t let Blaine do at least one routine… I mean, even Kurt got to do 4 Minutes…).

 

 

Closer – New Directions (no Feuds here…)

 

At the end of the episode, all of the New Directions (minus Sugar and Joe who weren’t in the episode) sang this song. It was nice to see Blaine and Marley playing keyboard. The song was up-tempo… I really don’t have much more to add than that. (I don’t even know who Tegan and Sara are… #sorrynotsorry).

 

So, yeah. That was the show. It wasn’t great, but there were moments of okay.

 

I am looking forward to next week’s theme of “Guilty Pleasures.” I love all the songs they will be singing and I’m not ashamed to admit it. PLUS, we get the “Blaine has/had a crush on Sam” talk that we were supposed to get episodes ago. (FINALLY.) Oh, and Kurt has a boyfriend pillow.

 

I just want all the Blam, okay? They’re the best part of the show.

 

Thoughts? Favorite songs? Did you think this episode was uncommonly violent?

 

 

Instead of doing my usual Glee-Cap from beginning to end of episode, I’m going to tackle each song in the order in which it was sung and talk about its significance/purpose within the arcs it fell under. Some of these numbers were stand-alone performances, but all had some greatest aspect of importance in the canon of Glee.

 

(I’ll give a brief overview of the other major non-music related plot points at the end, as the Rachel/Santana plot is just too good to not mention.)

 

This week’s theme was songs from the movies. In the show, Will says that movies transport us; they provide comfort and help us escape our day to day anxieties. (Being a cinephile myself, I was nodding my head at these words.) The songs from movies sung in this episode were all outlets for escape, either through the films they were from, or the costumes used during the performances.

 

 

 

You’re All the World to Me – Will and Emma

 

The show opened with Will and Emma (Schuester) in Fred and Ginger-esque costumes. They did the infamous walk on all the walls shtick from Royal Wedding (1951) – the movie this song comes from. It’s a great sight gag and worked for the show because it’s a little goofy and unrealistic. It turned out Will had fallen asleep watching old movies. He and Emma still aren’t married and she’s still missing. So, this song was Will’s dream of them having a happy, music-filled romp around the room.

 

 

 

Shout – Blaine, Brittany and the New Directions

 

After it was announced that not only were the kids supposed to do movie songs, but they were to do their annual boys vs. girls mashups. Blaine and Brittany have the bright idea to do boys vs. girls within one song, so they can still compete while singing together. Blaine suggests they sing Shout, “from the seminal American college comedy, Animal House.” As he flashes his friends the thumbs up, the kids kick it into gear and do a high-energy rendition of this classic number from one of the greatest film comedies of all time.

 

This was Glee’s 500th musical number performed on the show and it did not disappoint. The kids were all over the school, dancing on tables, crawling on the floor, jumping onto peoples shoulders (did anyone else notice that Blaine leapt onto a girl’s back, while all the other boys were the ones supporting girls on their backs?), etc… I’m super biased when I watch this show and if Blaine is in a group song, I only watch him. So, as Blaine sang and danced his little heart out, I couldn’t help but wonder how Darren managed to dance in those pants. Like… when he was going some sort of kick step down the hallway, it looked like he was grimacing. The kid derps a lot on the show anyway, but this song was just an extra large helping of Blaine getting lost in the music, dancing like a goofball and taking himself to Church.

 

This song wasn’t a mode of escape so much as it was just a fun number that the New Directions had a fun time singing and dancing along to. It was entertainment for entertainment’s sake and not any sort of plot-driving device.

 

 

Come What May – Blaine and Kurt

 

I was ready for the song itself, but not the three little flashbacks that were woven into Blaine’s part at the beginning of the song. (I might have muttered “Oh My God” as I clutched my Batman Buddy while watching the song unfold…)

 

Knowing this was Kurt’s dream going into watching the performance was one thing, but finding out that it was a daydream (as in, Kurt was watching Moulin Rouge – at HIS suggestion – with Adam, Santana and Rachel and his mind wandered), put a whole other spin on it.

 

I’ll start from the end and work our way back with this one… AFTER the song, Kurt snaps back to reality and is crying. Adam and Rachel question him and he blames it on something in his contacts. Rachel counters that he doesn’t wear them and Adam digs around in his bag for eye solution. Santana sees right through his words and comments that he and Blaine used to dream about singing that song to each other at their wedding and that singing that song with someone is a more intimate act than having sex.

 

That sentence in itself is a whole lot of plot summarized into a few words.

 

Kurt dreaming about Blaine and himself singing that song together shows that Kurt is thinking about Blaine in an intimate/romantic way. (It’s a romantic song… so that’s obvious.) BUT, it’s Kurt thinking about Blaine in how they used to think about each other while singing the song.

 

See… if you watched the song without knowing it’s Kurt’s dreams, you think those flashbacks are Blaine’s because Blaine is the one on screen. They’re not – they are Kurt’s flashbacks (mutual flashbacks at best… but definitely Kurt’s). “Never knew I could feel like this.” They then flashed to Kurt and Blaine’s first meeting on the Dalton steps. No matter how many times we’ve seen this clip, there are obvious feelings upon first glance at the other boy. It might not have been love, but it was definitely interest. They also flashed a clip of Kurt and Blaine lying on Blaine’s bed, as well as their fingertips intertwining – both scenes from their first time together. This was a HUGE moment in Kurt’s life, as well as in his relationship with Blaine.

 

So, watching the song and knowing it’s from Kurt’s point of view is completely heartbreaking. Blaine is the one who starts singing, because he is the one between the two of them who already knows what his feelings are. Blaine is 100% committed to reuniting with Kurt and has said so in previous episodes. Kurt is not so sure. He joins in the duet because it’s what he’s supposed to do – it’s a song for two people, so he must sing. His actions seemed forced, as if he was going through the motions of a routine he was supposed to do as opposed to something he wanted to do.

 

At one point, his hands slide into Blaine’s and they slow dance for a few beats. Neither boy looks happy, but both sway together because that’s expected of them. Kurt quickly breaks out of hold and walks away. Blaine follows, but doesn’t initiate any sort of touching because Kurt has to be the one to take the next step. (Blaine lost power in their relationship when he cheated on Kurt. As soon as that trust was broken, Blaine could no longer set the pace for any sort of reconciliation.)

 

They sing together some more, and for the first time on the show, Kurt says “I love you” first before it is echoed by Blaine. HOWEVER, his lyric is “But, I love you.”

 

The BUT is extremely telling of their situation. It’s a simple (but powerful) way to address the fact that Kurt loves Blaine in spite of what was done. It’s like he’s saying to Blaine, “You did this, this and this and that broke me, but I love you.” (Until my dying day/until the end of time.)

 

Toward the very end of the song, Kurt reaches for Blaine once more and allows himself to hold Blaine and be held by Blaine. Kurt’s eyes are shut tight as he rests his head on Blaine’s shoulder and we watch Blaine’s hands move tenderly over his back. It’s painful to watch, but hopeful at the same time. Obviously Kurt is torn with his own emotions – he still is not over Blaine cheating on him, but at the same time he loves Blaine (and has made love to him recently). He’s dealing with a lot of shit and it’s a lot to take in.

 

(An alternate and even more depressing take on this is that Kurt is dreaming about his and Blaine’s wedding, with a healthy dose of Moulin Rouge set because he’s watching that movie as he dreams and it’s easy to put himself in its sets because it’s one of the last things on his mind. So, maybe he’s dreaming about him and Blaine singing this at their wedding, as they are both in tuxes, but he’s just not as into it as he should be because Blaine broke his promise. Sure, Blaine did not stop loving Kurt, but he broke Kurt’s trust and their relationship *didn’t* last until the end of time because it ended for a period of time. How is Kurt supposed to really put himself 100% into their “secret song” if Blaine can’t live up to the lyrics?)

 

So, when Kurt cries after he snaps himself back to reality, it’s a release. He’s obviously hurt and stressed out by his feelings, but he refuses to voice his problems aloud.

 

Later in the episode, Adam finds Kurt in the dance studio. (He was at Kurt’s b/c they were snowed in for a couple days… I’m guessing he slept on the couch because there was no sort of evidence or dialogue that indicated he and Kurt slept together.) Anyway, Kurt said it was nice to hang out and watch the movie. Adam asks Kurt if he and Blaine used to sing “Come What May” together (probably to see if Santana was telling the truth or not) and Kurt says, “Yeah, but it feels like a lifetime ago.” Adam asks Kurt if Kurt still loves Blaine, but Kurt doesn’t answer. (We know Kurt still loves Blaine, but we don’t know if he’s still “in love” with Blaine…) Adam then asks if he’s a rebound. Kurt says No to this and then goes one step further and says he wants to be over Blaine. (Note how he says he wants to be over Blaine as opposed to saying “I want to be with you.”) Adam then asks Kurt out to a movie right then and there and then proposes that they find the sappiest romance movie out there and then that will be their movie. He then reaches out and takes Kurt’s hand and Kurt barely latches on to his.

 

This hand grab can be read two ways. 1. Adam grabbed Kurt’s hand and Kurt was not enthusiastic about grabbing it back. It was something that he had to go along with in the moment because Adam was basically saying “come with me, we’re going to go find our own movie so you can forget about your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you and move on with me.” In this version, Adam was forcing Kurt to move forward.  2. Adam grabbed Kurt’s hand and Kurt was hesitant to take it. The last boy he held hands with (and fell in love with and gave his everything to) broke his heart and his trust. Kurt doesn’t feel ready to put that much trust in anyone yet because he knows what can happen. It’s not that Kurt didn’t want to go with Adam; it’s just that he’s scared of going through another emotional rollercoaster again.

 

I hope with every fiber of my being that the hand grab was version #1. I really don’t see Adam as anything more than a friend and support system. A Y chromosome among the Xs he is constantly surrounded by. Adam seems to like Kurt, but he hasn’t offered anything more than a laugh yet. He has no substance because we don’t know much about him. He sings with a bunch of misfits and is from England. He’s older than Kurt and has a cute accent, but we don’t know what he has to offer (if anything). Why should we trust him? Why should Kurt trust him?  If/when Kurt and Adam do officially become Kadam; I don’t see it lasting very long. (And that’s not because I’m a Klainer… it’s because Adam literally has nothing going for him at this point. He likes Kurt, but Romantic Kadam is still less intimate and romantic than Platonic Klaine… even Platonic Klaine from Season 2.)

 

 

 

Danger Zone/Old Time Rock n Roll – New Directions Boys

 

For their glee assignment, the New Directions boys tackled some songs from “macho” Tom Cruise movies. It was significant that Blaine, Artie and Joe were in flight gear from Top Gun and Sam, Jake and Ryder were in their underwear from Risky Business.

 

Though they just appeared in a Men of McKinley calendar, Blaine, Artie and Joe are all much more conscious of their body and/or appearance. Joe is religious, and though he has showed off his body on more than one occasion, it made more sense for him to be with Blaine and Artie. Artie is in a wheelchair, and would be unable to do the famous sock-slide across the floor. Blaine has said before that using sex for attention is cheap and that his body is not for sale. Though these three boys were covered head-to-toe in their flight gear, helmets and Aviators, their half of the mashup was kinda sexy BECAUSE they were covered up. (Men in uniform get extra sexy points… that is factual information.) Sam, Jake and Ryder are all very proud of their bodies and have put themselves on display several times throughout the show. OF COURSE they were going to take advantage of the mashup to strut (well, slide) their stuff.

 

 

 

Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend/Material Girl – New Directions Girls

 

Our second Moulin Rouge song from the night… the girls (including Unique) looked beautiful in their pink dresses with black feather fans.

 

Right before they went on, the girls were getting ready in the bathroom and Marley confessed to Kitty that Ryder kissed her. (Marley asked Kitty not to tell anyone, and Kitty said she wouldn’t but crossed her fingers, so you would have thought that would have come back into play at some point in the episode, but it didn’t.) Kitty said that Marley was not a slut at all and that boys are like diamonds and that you should collect as many as you can.

 

My one qualm with this year’s boys vs. girls competition was that there was no question that Unique would perform with the girls. I know that Wade identifies as female, and wears women’s clothing when he is Unique, so it would make sense for him to perform with the girls if that’s where he felt most comfortable. But, isn’t it a little retroactively unfair that Kurt wasn’t allowed to perform with them too? Granted, Kurt does not identify as female, so if you were going on what you identify with, then he would be stuck on the boy’s team. However, Kurt was always lumped in with the girls for other things (in the “Summer Nights” number, he was with the girls before Rachel’s wedding plans at City Hall, he helped them with their prom dresses in S2…), so why wouldn’t Mr. Schue let him sing with the girls during previous competitions? I just think that is something to think about. (Or, maybe this is yet another example of Kurt forever getting the short end of the stick.)

 

Regardless, the number was fun and everyone looked amazing. I love Unique and Marley together as friends – they are adorable.

 

 

In Your Eyes – Will (with backing harmonies by the New Directions)

 

Will was kind of mopey at the beginning of the episode, but Finn encouraged him to go find Emma. Since he wouldn’t, Finn and Artie took it upon themselves to find them. (Finn asked Sue – no luck. Artie and Finn then pretended to be gingers to talk with her parents, but they saw through their disguises.)

 

Knowing where Emma is, Will drives up to the driveway, gets out of his car and starts singing “In Your Eyes.” The New Directions kids walk up, harmonizing, and Blainers has got a boom box, so you know Will’s going to go full-Say Anything… (for the record, getting Say Anything-ed is totally on my Bucket List).

 

I love this song (Say Anything is my jam, and this song is so iconic) and I actually didn’t mind Will singing it because he sounded good and it was totally appropriate for his story. I liked how they positioned Emma on her bed, just like the girl in the movie. The boom box part was corny and didn’t have the same effect as when Cusack did it in the movie (no one can top a young John Cusack… no one), but it was still effective.

 

I had listened to the song a few times before watching the episode, so I was like “Ohhhhhhhh” when Unique started singing some of the vocal runs. I would have sworn it was Santana, but Unique makes much more sense.

 

After he’s done singing, Will asks Emma to come down so they can talk. He dismisses the kids (Blainers takes the boom box back) and then Will and Emma have a heart to heart. She finally confesses that she was scared she didn’t know Will anymore when he got back from DC and he asks why they didn’t talk about it. (Don’t you know, Will? Characters on Glee rarely get a chance to talk it out…) They decide to start their relationship from scratch and he asks her to a movie for Friday night.

 

Later on, Finn talks to Will in the hallway again and asks if Emma said anything about him. He finally tells Will that he (Finn) kissed Emma, but that he didn’t mean to. Finn blames himself for Will and Emma’s problems and offers himself up to be punched. Will looks epically pissed, but then just walks away. (However, in the promo for next week’s episode, Will looks like he tackles Finn after their NSYNC/BSB number… oh snap. Attack of the boy bands.)

 

 

Unchained Melody – Jake/Ryder and Marley

 

Listening to just the song gives the crack Jake/Ryder shippers something to cling onto. But, the actual scene didn’t play out that way.

 

Jake invites Marley to the pottery room to reenact a scene from her second favorite romantic movie. (Marley’s first favorite romantic movie is The Hunger Games… that is actually wrong on a lot of levels, seeing as she is recovering from an eating disorder.) Jake confesses that he lied on Valentine’s Day and that Ryder was the one who came up with all that romantic stuff he did. He said he was nervous and was just trying to impress her.

 

So, they go sit down by the clay and he starts singing to her and it’s really sweet. I like Jake’s voice when he’s not reaching for higher notes and the actors have good chemistry. BUT, part way through the song, Marley imagines she is watching Ryder sing this to her. She’s so conflicted because she obviously likes both boys, but she imagines kissing Ryder again and she pulls away when Jake actually tries to kiss her. Marley tells Jake that she lied too about Valentine’s Day and that she knew Ryder was the one who did all those things. She said it was sweet and that Ryder kissed her, and that she let him. Jake gets pissed and walks out before they can talk anymore about it. (See, no talking… because why should the audience ever get any sort of realistic resolution? Oy.)

 

 

Footloose – New Directions

 

Will announces that everyone won the boys vs. girls mashup competition (to which Blaine rolled his eyes with disgust). The prize was going to be starring in Artie’s senior film project, so then EVERYBODY gets to be in the film, “Hollywood Hootenanny.” (Really, Artie?)

 

So, the whole of New Directions is on the stage in the auditorium and they do a dance/choreo-heavy version of the title track to “Footloose.” (Let us all have a moment of silence for Mike Chang… Mike Chang who was missing from one of the biggest dance numbers in cinematic history.) All the kids were dressed in black and wearing black Chucks.

 

I love big group numbers like this because everyone looked like they were having fun. (Well, everyone but Jake… he was shooting daggers with his eyes toward Ryder. I hope these BFFs have a talk during the next episode. But, seeing how next week is “Feuds,” I doubt they’ll just talk nicely… or at all. #Glee)

 

 

So, that’s it for the songs.

 

The biggest non-singing related plot line was Santana and her epic dislike of Brody and her knowledge of Rachel Berry’s pregnancy test. (She also asks Kurt – in front of Adam – if Kurt and Blaine are dating because they were together at the wedding. Rachel wants her to move out after Santana keeps suggesting they watch movies with the word “baby” in the title.)

 

Santana dug through all of Kurt, Rachel and Brody’s stuff and found a giant wad of cash and a pager. She says that means that he is a drug dealer. (I’m still thinking he’s a male prostitute. While equally as gross as being a drug dealer, it’s more probably for the script since we’ve seen him have sex and be sexy with people, whereas we haven’t seen him handling drugs of any kind.) She also questions why Brody wasn’t home with them during the snowstorm. Rachel calls him to prove a point that he was stuck at a friend’s place, but even she didn’t seem convinced when they hung up. (I love that Kurt is siding with Santana in this, btw.)

 

Later, in probably one of the more poignant scenes in the episode, Santana comes back to the apartment and Brody is in the shower and Rachel is in the living room. Santana says she’s found her people in NYC, and also that she found Rachel’s pregnancy test. Rachel starts crying and in an instant, Santana goes into protective friend-mode and comforts the other girl. She says repeatedly that it will be okay, and knowing Glee, Rachel’s probably not actually pregnant, but the thought of being pregnant when her whole life/career were ahead of her is a scary situation. I hope we get more Rachel/Santana scenes because Santana offers both tough love and genuine concern.

 

 

And that was the episode. We had a few little cliffhangers, but nothing entirely daunting. Sure, we don’t know where Kurt and Adam stand, but we got to see Blaine and Kurt sing “Come What May,” so I’m good for awhile.

 

The promo for Feuds shows that Santana and Brody will square off, Will and Finn will fight, and Blaine goes head-to-head with Sue. (He even asks her, “Are you threatening me?” Pretty sure she’s blackmailing him or threatening to blackmail him. Remember when Blainers was on the Cheerios for an episode… well, looks like he’s going to get back in that uniform. Spoiler pictures have already shown him in his Cheerios uniform for 4.17, so we’ll see how long the poor boy is stuck in that awful poly-blend instead of his cute little sweaters and ties.)

 

So, yeah. It was a pretty decent episode (at least by this season’s standards…).

 

Thoughts?  Favorite song?

 

(Platonically) Reunited and it feels so goooooooooooooooood.

 

“I Do” was a giant leap in the right direction for Kurt and Blaine, but a couple steps off for just about every other couple/pairing on the show…. Which was completely fine by me as I only care about my boys (i.e. almost everyone else can take a long walk off a short cliff).

 

So – spoilers and feels/opinions ahead if you haven’t seen the episode.

 

We started off with Rachel and Finn at the Lima Bean (as Brody stayed in NYC) and Finn told Rachel that he kissed Ms. Pillsbury. She asked if Mr. Schue knew and he didn’t, so she told Finn not to tell him and then she started going on about her and Brody and how Finn is confused and lonely. Major props to Finn when he said, “Not everything has to do with you.” And in that moment, my respect level for Finn Hudson raised just a little bit. He was still freaked out about the kiss, but Rachel told him to basically suck it up and be a good Best Man. (Why does Rachel think that she can just dole out advice to everyone?)

 

After the “glee” title card (black with pink letters…), we found Emma in her office trying to figure out seating arrangements. I loved her little monologue about how the glee kids dated so incestuously that she couldn’t remember who could stand who (poor Emma). Finn tried to confront her about the kiss, but she told him to stay away and keep his mouth shut.

 

Mr. Schue was back for good as glee instructor (though Finn’s apparently staying on as assistant) and he asked the kids to sing at the wedding. (Blaine was pumped; Tina not so much). He wanted Finn to sing instead of give a best man speech. Also, this scene tried to explain why a lot of characters (Kitty, Joe, Wade/Unique, Sugar) were missing – Asian Bird Flu. (I miss Sugar. Just sayin’)

 

The scene that followed (Emma helping Artie at his locker) set up a new character – Emma’s niece, Betty (who we met later… my gut reaction was that I didn’t like her and her attitude). Also in the hallway, Marley gave Jake a present – cufflinks she made (aw – crafts!). He said he got her something too… but after she walked away and Ryder asked what he got her, Jake confessed he didn’t have any gift yet. So, Ryder being the awesome best friend told Jake that he had to make it Valentine’s Week for Marley. (This episode made me like Ryder even more… that kid needs to win at something this season. He’s got dyslexia and is pining over his best friend’s girlfriend. Bro needs a break.)

 

In the auditorium, Finn waited on a late Rachel (foreshadowing? Perhaps…) who was getting a spray tan (i.e. the writers covering up for Lea Michele’s tan). He’s trying to pick out a song to sing at the reception. Rachel told him he looked cute and Finn admitted he had been dieting. I’m pretty sure I muttered, “Keep it in your pants, Rachel,” as I was writing down my notes. Her carefree attitude about love is really grating and as a viewer who is completely turned off by her character anyway, I think it’s irresponsible to live with a guy in NYC but openly flirt with your ex-boyfriend. (And maybe that’s why I wasn’t surprised at all by the cliffhanger at the end of the episode… but more on that in a bit.)

 

The next day (?) in History class, Ryder had his jacket zipped all the way up to his chin and was acting super weird. Jake then came in, wearing a red tux and had an obviously planned conversation with Ryder about singing to Marley. Jake, Ryder, Sam and Artie then serenade Marley with “You’re All I Need to Get By” (though she sang a lot of the song too… as it is a Marvin Gaye/Tammi Terrell duet) and I was even more smitten with Ryder as he danced in the background. I loved the red suits and I loved loved loved the Temptations-esque dance moves.

 

After the commercial break, the glee kids were at the church awaiting the ceremony. Santana sat with Quinn and they commiserate about hating Valentine’s Day and men. Artie meets Emma’s niece Betty and she is overly sassy (which she’ll later blame on nerves). I didn’t like her because she told Artie to, “Wheel the hell away,” and “I don’t date losers in chairs.” Harsh, girl. Harsh.

 

Marley, Jake and Ryder walk into a pew together and Marley finds flowers that Ryder left for her from Jake. They’re here favorite kind, of course, because she mentioned it once like a million years ago and Ryder is sensitive enough to remember these kinds of things. So, Jake reaped the benefits of his bff’s feelings. (What’s great, though, is that Jake KNOWS Ryder likes Marley. I like that that is not a secret and how it hasn’t destroyed the Jake/Ryder friendship… yet.)

 

Meanwhile in the parking lot, Kurt was getting frisky with someone in the back of a Prius. And that someone was Blaine. And there was groping, and moaning, and hands everywhere and kissing and I’m pretty sure my jaw was hanging for a solid minute. Of the two kisses in this scene, Blaine went for the first one and Kurt went for the second (much like in 2×16…). Kurt mentioned that he’s kind of seeing someone in New York, but Blaine countered that he’s not in New York nor were they exclusive. (So, I guess it’s not “cheating” the way Blaine cheated… but hopefully Kurt will talk about this with Adam when he gets back to NYC.) Kurt also said for the first of many times that they’re not back together and Blaine quickly agreed (though by the look in his eye, he wanted to be back together ages ago…) and said that they were just “bros helping bros” (aw – Sam’s influence, obviously). Kurt commented how he loved it when Blaine talked fratty and the whole of the fandom exploded because all its dreams were coming true.

 

We all were disappointed when there was a frantic knock at the window and it’s Mercedes (and not Tina… who appeared to have interrupted the boys earlier during a scene that does not exist on tape, but merely as a throwaway comment by Kurt). She told them they are trashy and Kurt said everyone hooks up at weddings. The boys scrambled out of the car, clothing in disarray (nice underwear, Blainers) and coats strategically placed over crotches. Stop being such a cockblock, Mercedes. This is twice now… third time and you are out girl. You hear me? OUT.

 

Turned out Mercedes jumped the gun on getting the boys inside the church.

 

Emma was freaking out and panicking about the wedding. Somehow Sue was with her and they were both wearing the same wedding dress. I’m sure other dialogue happened, but I was still recovering from the car scene. (#sorrynotsorry). I did pay attention, though, when Emma launched into “I’m Not Getting Married Today” from Company. (I am in full support of Glee covering Company songs this season… Naya/Santana needs to sing “Another Hundred People” like I need air.) While execution of this song is really hard when one is obviously lip synching to a prerecording of one’s own voice, I thought it was super fitting and a little bit sad because Emma ran from her own wedding. She hopped into a cab and left… never to be seen again (at least for the rest of this episode).

 

Becky, the belligerent flower girl, angrily threw red rose petals down the aisle. Then, instead of Emma stepping out from behind the doors, Sue walked down the aisle and I chuckled as the True Lies tango music began to play. (They used that song a lot throughout the episode… I was okay with that.) When Will asked what Sue was doing, she told him she was trying to stop the wedding from becoming an utter fiasco. “Emma’s left the building.” (Poor Will. Or not… I don’t really like him. But I like Emma. Hmmm.)

 

Like to sad sacks, Finn and Mr. Schue sat at the altar. Finn was pretty sure he was the reason Emma fled, even though he wasn’t (although it didn’t help when Mr. Schue asked rhetorically if there was someone else…). Santana walked in and asked what Mr. Schue wanted to do about the reception. Like a martyr, he said they should still have it because all the glee kids were back.

 

And so there was a party. And with some fake IDs, Santana and Quinn were able to acquire alcohol and get tipsy enough to have Quinn check a number of “firsts” off her list. It started innocently with Quinn telling Santana that she looked great in her dress. I knew Quinntana was on in that scene… I guess I didn’t realize how quickly it would escalate by the end of the episode. I have to say, I didn’t mind. I don’t ‘ship ‘em, but their storyline actually made sense to me.

 

Jake and Ryder had some bro time together, talking about Marley as they do. Jake called Ryder a love genius and Ryder tells his friend that he (Jake) should give Marley gifts that were his (Jake’s) idea. Jake, though, does not think highly of his own romancing Marley skills and gladly accepted the heart-shaped pendent that Ryder bought her at the mall. Jake then said, “I am so getting laid tonight,” and there could have been a record scratch at how quick Ryder was to try and shut that down. He said that she wasn’t ready because she’s just a sophomore and was still getting over an eating disorder. Jake got them a room, however, and despite Marley saying she wanted to take things slow, he thought she would be ready.

 

Firstly – neither of these boys have any right to say whether Marley is ready or not (that’s her decision – not theirs). Secondly – just because you rented a room, Jake, doesn’t mean Marley has an obligation to have sex with you. I was grateful the writers wrote this plot line into the episode. Jake and Ryder both love and respect Marley. And while Jake has expectations about how their night will turn out, he doesn’t force her into anything nor feels slighted when she isn’t ready. I also like that Marley doesn’t feel ashamed for standing her ground and knowing what is best for her in that moment.

 

Meanwhile, on stage Kurt and Blaine sang “I Just Can’t Get Enough” and I just couldn’t get enough of the two of them being adorable and completely in synch with each other. Sadly, though, they had to tarnish the Klaine duet with Finchel dialogue. Rachel told Finn it wasn’t his fault the wedding didn’t happen and then asked him to dance. During the song, Tina also shot death glares up at the boys on stage. Also, Artie tried to make a second impression on Betty. He told her she’s mean and awful (Preach!) but that he found her compelling so he asked her to dance. She agreed to one dance and through a bit of montage, we saw that they had a good time spinning their chairs on the floor together.

 

After the song, Kurt launched into his second “We’re not dating, we’re just here as friends” speech which Blaine knew by heart by now. Blaine offered to get them drinks while Kurt went straight for the mini cupcakes. Tina Cohen Crazy confronted Kurt and yelled at him for being a bad person with regard to Blaine. Kurt then told Tina what we’ve all been thinking the past few weeks – she’s a hag who is in love with Blaine and it really needs to stop. Tina then spilled how she took care of Blaine while he was sick and rubbed vapo-rub on his tiny, muscled chest. Kurt was surprised and super not happy. “Did you vapo-rape my ex-boyfriend? Don’t you walk away, Tina Cohen Chang.” Yes she did, Kurt… and we all had to watch her do it. (Thankfully, this scene was the end of scary Tina… speaking of… why didn’t she talk to Mike at all at the wedding?)

 

Then, even though the wedding didn’t happen, Sue shouted for all the single ladies to gather around for the bouquet toss. (Well, all the single ladies and Sam, apparently.) And of course Rachel caught it. (Because Rachel gets EVERYTHING.)

 

After the commercial, Finn told Rachel that traditionally single girls line up to catch the bouquet. She said that even though she’s living with Brody, their relationship is not defined. She used the excuse that that’s how things are done in New York, like on Sex and the City. Maybe if I was a decade younger, I would be completely naïve about living in New York and being completely ignorant in thinking that living in a big city means the same relationship rules don’t apply to you. But I’m a grown-ass woman living in New York and I know that what Rachel’s doing to herself isn’t healthy and it’s just part of slide into an eventual spiral of complete self-destruction. Finn gave her a whole “relationships are a lot like flowers” speech and then told her that he thought she was lying to herself about her feelings for Brody because he thought she was still in love with him (Finn). Then Finn started talking like he was a walking Tumblr post: “You and I both know how this thing ends. We are endgame. I know that and you know that.” Ugh. I am so over Finchel because I cannot stand Rachel at all.

 

The two started a duet on the CLASSIC “We’ve Got Tonight” and my insides hurt because I love this song, but not them singing it. I did enjoy the pan around the room to the various couples and seeing Kurt and Blaine slow dancing cheek to cheek. Quinn and Santana also danced together, causing Quinn to remark, “I’ve never slow danced with a girl before. I like it.”

 

Then there was a montage of various couples carding their way into hotel rooms – Finchel, Klaine, Jarley, Quinntana, and Artie/Betty (I don’t know what their ‘ship name would be… nor do I care. Sorry.). All of these couples except for Jarley had sex.

 

Yep.

 

Klaine – Kurt was the one who dragged Blaine into the hotel room by his necktie (wanky). Their hotel room was 206 (NBK memories – aw) and the boys made the most of their time together. (Yes, we saw the used tissues on the nightstand.) While Kurt buttoned his shirt back up, Blaine asked him, “Tell me now that we’re not back together.” Kurt replied that it was fun, but nothing more, causing Blaine to counter, “I’m not going to let you minimize this, Kurt.” As Blaine helped Kurt back into his suit jacket, he told Kurt that it meant something that they were together on Christmas and Valentine’s Day and how they’ll have many more. Kurt was such a tease, leaning toward Blaine only to tell him, “I’ll see you downstairs.” Kurt walked out, leaving Blaine to answer “okay” more to himself than anyone else. He then gave epic fist pumps up in the air before backwards diving back onto the bed.

 

Blaine knows he has to be patient, but he has hope and he has Kurt. Logically, there is no way Kurt is not in this too… he might not be 100% there, but he’s gotta be in the 90s because Kurt would not sleep with Blaine and then just walk away forever. I’m pretty sure Blaine is still the only person Kurt has ever been with. And even though it seems that Kurt and Blaine still have a healthy physical relationship, I’m sure Burt Hummel’s “You Matter” speech is still at the forefront of Kurt’s mind. He won’t throw himself around for anybody, but he’s certainly not against car sex with Blaine in the parking lot and hotel room sex with Blaine in the middle of the reception.

 

Jarley – The two of them sat on the bed and Marley apologized for not wanting to go further, but Jake is not upset. It was literally as simple as that. Four for you, Jarley (even though I don’t ship you at all).

 

Quinntana – Both ladies look pretty damn satisfied. Quinn admitted that that was her first time with a girl and a one-time thing. Santana asked her if she wanted to go back to the reception or make it a two-time thing. With a smirk, it’s assumed Quinn took the latter option. Get it, girls.

 

Artie/Betty – They both laughed about it and ask each other if it was good. I really don’t have much to say here. If Betty is going to be a recurring character, I hope she gets some depth to her.

 

Finchel – Upon entering the room, Rachel is the one who initiates taking her clothes off and hopping into bed. Finn quickly drops trou and gets in bed and turned out the light (get it – song lyrics – what). However, Rachel is also the first one to put her clothes back on and vacate the premises. Yeah… she slept with Finn and the left him just as quick. He was still asleep when she ducked out. Classy, Rachel. Real classy.

 

Back in NY, Rachel came back to find Brody had decorated their apartment. (He said it took him two days. I don’t believe one word that comes out of that guy’s mouth. Not one.) During a makeout session on the couch, he asked her if she kissed anyone while she was gone and asked if she saw Finn. She commented that she thought they were in an open relationship. He said they were, but that he still wanted them to be honest with each other. She asked him if he was with anyone while she was gone and he said No – that he had stayed at the apartment both days. His flashback of him walking out of a hotel (?) room with a wad of money suggested otherwise. Brody is either a male prostitute or deals drugs. I’m thinking prostitute. (I have written in my notes regarding Brody and Rachel “They are gross and dishonest.”)

 

Meanwhile, Kurt is still in Lima for the day and is at school with Blaine and Tina. Tina apologized to Kurt about what she said to him at the reception. She realized she was in the wrong and said that watching them sing was like “two soulmates rediscovering each other.” Yep… that is entirely accurate. Blaine told her that everyone has unrequited love and Kurt gave another one of his “we’re just friends” lines (while sad yet hopeful Blaine forced a smile and looked down at his shoes…). Tina did not believe the words that were coming out of Kurt’s mouth. Neither did I. Or Blaine. The boys then invited Tina to a double feature and they walked off arm in arm in arm as Blaine announced how proud he was that his first hag was Tina Cohen Chang. (Mazel tov, Tina. You totally bagged the hottest gay on the show.)

 

Down the hallway, Marley walked up to Ryder at his locker and gave him a Valentine’s card. She knew it was him behind Jake’s presents (“Like Cyrano.” “Who?” – Oh Ryder…). Marley told him to save his efforts for when he found real love (or something like that) and he said “It was for real” and then he kissed her and I yelled “NO, RYDER!” at my television. I love, love, love Ryder, but I don’t want him to jeopardize his friendship with Jake and his relationship with Marley. I very much want Marley to be with Ryder, but I don’t want any cheating or tearing apart of relationships for that to happen.

 

I would have been content for the episode to end there, but then there was a scene of Finn confronting Mr. Schue in the Teacher’s Lounge. Finn didn’t reveal he kissed Emma, but he did say he for Mr. Schue not to give up and that he would help Mr. Schue find Emma and make things right.

 

Betty also found Artie in the hallway and apologized for being bitchy. She said she got that way when she was nervous. Artie asked for her phone number and they swap digits. Since she’s just Emma’s niece, I hope she won’t get integrated into the McKinley crowd/New Directions. My snap judgment was that I didn’t like that character. And, as horrible as snap judgments are, mine are almost always right (for me at least). So, sorry Betty. But I don’t like ya.

 

Oh yeah – then there was a whole music number. Marley lead all the New Directions in “Anything Could Happen.” I didn’t know the song, so I didn’t care much, though it was nice to see all the kids in matching-esque outfits dancing around.

 

Cut to Rachel and Brody in bed and she’s flipping through a planner, as one does. I knew before a worried look sprouted on her face that she thought she might be pregnant. So, Rachel got a pregnancy test and we watched as her phone’s stopwatch counted upwards. She looked at the stick and put a hand to her mouth. We didn’t see the results, but Ryan Murphy tweeted something like “#preggers” and I didn’t give a flying fuck because I don’t care if Rachel is or is not pregnant. If she is, I’m guessing she miscarries, as there is no way Rachel is going to go full-term with a baby while in her freshman year of college. (I’m sorry if that is offensive or distasteful, but plot-wise, there is no way she will have a baby before she makes it on Broadway. Remember – her Funny Girl audition is coming up.) But, sadly I could see them milking it for an episode or two. Or, maybe she’s not pregnant and she’s just really sad in the promo because she had a pregnant scare, her live-in boyfriend is a prostitute and she’s annoying as hell. I dunno. So much for a carefree NYC life, eh Rachel Berry? You’re no Carrie Bradshaw, that’s for sure.

 

I’m glad we have a 3 week hiatus. We need a break after “I Do’s” shenanigans. I’m looking forward to the next episode, though, as it’s all songs from movies. The brief glimpse of Klaine atop the Moulin Rouge elephant was more than enough to get me even more excited for “Come What May.”

 

This was a mostly decent episode. This whole season has been pretty subpar, so “I Do” actually seemed outstanding for Season 4, but on par with Seasons 1 and 2.

 

Thoughts?

Wow, Glee. Two of your last three episodes have been pretty degrading with regard to the portrayal of some of your female characters. I yelled at my television multiple times… mostly when Tina was on screen. Someone needs to give her the “no means no” speech.

 

Spoilers and heated opinions ahead if you haven’t seen the episode already.

 

The show started off in NYC at Kurt and Rachel’s “Free Sing” class where Rachel seemed to have bogarted all the free time. Kurt’s VO revealed what we already knew – that Rachel has an out of control ego. He gave an epic monologue about how she’s a bad roommate and you honestly can’t blame him for wanting to take her down a few pegs. This scene also introduced us to the other gay guys in their program – gay guys who seem to love Rachel like she was the second coming of Barbra.

 

In Lima, Emma was stressed out about her upcoming wedding to Will (i.e. next week’s episode). Finn found her in the teacher’s lounge and they talk a bit about wedding stuff, and then segue to glee club because Finn thought Will would want the club back right away. Finn was worried about Regionals because it was a much bigger deal than Sectionals. He went on to say that they needed someone with attitude like Rachel and Mercedes were last year. Emma mentioned Blaine (yes, Emma… you are so wise), but then suggested they do a Diva Week to find their inner powerhouse. Wade/Unique and the glee girls challenge each other on who is the biggest diva while elbow patch-wearing Blainers kept trying to pipe in “guys can be divas too.”

 

So, the glee girls and Blaine have their own sort of diva-off… they all are dressed in some sort of couture and doing a lot of ANTM poses while they sing Beyonce’s “Diva.” They also act like jerks to other members of the glee club who are trying to help them get ready for the runway. The song goes “a diva is the female version of a hustler.” So… where does that leave Unique and Blaine? While all the girls looked fierce in their diva outfits, I not so secretly stared at Blaine the whole time. Blaine, donned in an Adam Lambert ensemble, also sported something else we rarely see on Glee… curly hair. Why do the Glee Hair & Makeup people insist on gelling that down?

 

Back in NYC, Kurt and Rachel have a spat in their kitchen when she tells him to make her some tea. Kurt called her out on being a nightmare and she countered back that he’s jealous because the only reason her got an audition was because they are friends. He reminded her that his audition blew her out of the water and then challenged her to Midnight Madness (which Brody will later describe as NYADA Fight Club… though tragically less violent :/).  Rachel scoffed and said she already beat him in one diva-off (Remember when the show was good and they sang “Defying Gravity” in S1? *sigh*). Kurt FINALLY revealed that he threw the competition and could hit the High F. Rachel was stunned because she thought she won fair and square (HA – no) and was equally shocked when Kurt said he did it to protect his dad.  Kurt then told her he wasn’t throwing anything this time around.

 

Back in Lima, Blainers was at his locker looking ill and blowing his nose into a tissue. (It is a crime how adorable Sick!Blaine is…). Still-in-love-with-Blaine Tina marched up to him and gave him a cold fighting kit, which he thanked her for but said he couldn’t take the cold medicine because it would make him woozy. And, being the consummate performer that he is, Blaine couldn’t be less than 100% for his Freddie Mercury number he was going to do for the glee club to show then that guys can be divas too.

 

Cut to Blaine (wearing leather pants, a leather jacket and a jauntily placed leather hat) at the piano singing my favorite Queen song of all time – “Don’t Stop Me Now.” I actually wrote in my notebook, “omg – my lady parts,” which ended up in a scribble as soon as Blaine stood up and kicked over the piano bench. I was unprepared for the air guitaring and the knee bend on the floor… and then I drew a couple pictures of hearts in my notebook and felt like I was in high school again. In my completely biased opinion, this was one of the greatest moments/musical numbers in the history of Glee. If only the rest of the episode were as enjoyable as these 2 minutes… Alas.

 

After Blaine’s inspired performance, Finn and Emma go on some more about divas. Finn compared divas to the Loch Ness Monster or Sméagol. I chuckled at this because to stereotype, divas are supposed to be these beautiful, powerful, headstrong women… and he compared them to monsters and former hobbits.

 

Finn also (re)introduced another diva to the group – Santana. Dressed in her Kentucky college Cheerio uniform, she and some other Cardinal Cheerios sang and danced to “Nutbush City Limits.” As I wrote “take us to CHURCH, Santana” in my notes, I wished we got to hear more of Naya’s voice in seasons past and present. Girl can sing. End of story.

 

Brittany didn’t look super happy to see Santana, but all the boys were certainly ogling her. However, when the song ended, Brit called it the greatest moment in show choir history, but then said she was mad that she didn’t know Santana was in town. Santana turned it on her and said she was mad Brittany didn’t tell her she was dating Sam. (There was a flashback, and it was EVIL TINA who called Santana up and said “One word – Bram.” This was only one of several moments I wanted to smack some sense into Tina during the episode.) Santana then announced to the room that she was dating one of the other Cheerios – Elaine – and said she was out and proud, etc. I instantly smelled a ruse.

 

Back at NYC, Brody told Rachel about NYADA Fight Club/Midnight Madness and said the winner would get the ultimate bragging rights. The other gay guys from Free Sing class talked smack about Kurt to Rachel and she defended him, but not enough to make them stop. Kurt overheard and stood up for himself, “Me, my outfits and turtle face aren’t going anywhere.” (Four for you, Kurt Hummel. Stick up for yourself…. How sad was it that he was getting bullied by people who were exactly like him in every way? Kid can’t catch a break.)

 

Meanwhile, in Emma’s office, she’s giving him a bit of a pamphlet intervention about how Rachel is moving on (her Facebook status is “shacking up,” so she and Brody are obviously super serious at playing house… If I were Finn, I would run in the opposite direction from all things Rachel Berry and start fresh with a less self-involved person. Just sayin’…). Emma tried to talk up the new Math sub as a potential love interest for Finn. He shook her off and commented how Mr. Schue was a lucky guy. Emma then asked Finn to help her pick the centerpiece for the wedding… blue or white flowers. Finn vetoed blue (“color of sad”) and opted for white (“color of pure – like you”) and I scribbled in my notes “this will not end well.” (I wish I weren’t right… but I totally was :/)

 

In the auditorium, Sam found Santana waiting for him on the stage and they have a confrontation about Brittany like she’s some piece of property. Santana (who used to date Sam, remember… though I’m pretty sure it was just to make various people mad/jealous) called Sam boring and told him his impressions suck (lies – all lies) and said Brit shouldn’t be with him. He told Santana he wasn’t going to give up without a fight. They then duet to “She’s Mine” – again, alluding to Brittany like she is something to be owned. Epic le sigh. When the song ended, Sam admitted that he knows Santana still loves Brit, but the best thing for Brit is to be with him right then and asked Santana to let her go.

 

And then the crazy really kicked in… Tina was walking down the hallway and her VO was telling herself that she deserved better with regard to whatever she thought was going down between her and Blaine… but then, she saw him at his locker (his cold is worse and he’s blowing his nose into tissues like a champ) and called him a “precious Tiger Beat shrinkydink.” (Oh my goodness, I wish Tiger Beat was still a thing…). Tina did/said something to which Blaine replied, “Thanks lady, you’re so sweet.” She actually got mad at him for giving her a compliment and told him she didn’t want to be sweet, she wanted to be a badass. Blaine told her there are bunch of Asian divas and promptly listed off a few (snaps for including B.D. Wong – holla!). He then invited her over to his house later to help her pick out a diva song. He swore he would help her, “even if it kills me.” (It might not have killed you, Blaine, but it certainly made sizable pieces of my heart shrivel up and die.) Tina grinned like the stalker person she was becoming and called him “Blainey Days.” I subsequently wrote “NO ME GUSTA” in my notebook.

 

After the commercial break, we found ourselves in Blaine’s impeccably clean room (his Dalton Stepford ways have obviously not left him…) and the first thing I noticed were the several pictures of Kurt and Klaine on Blaine’s nightstand. Even though they are clearly on display for anyone (including Tina) to see, Tina asked “Have you ever been with a girl?” Blaine hadn’t, “No, perfect gold star gay,” but commented how he did make out with Rachel. However, that just solidified his gay-status even more, so we’re quicker to forgive him for that than for cheating on Kurt w/Eli. Blaine does admit that he loves women and thinks they’re beautiful, but he wouldn’t be with them. Tina commented that he’s young and alluded to the fact that he’d grow out of being gay (seriously, Tina?). Blaine offered up his computer and she saw he made her a playlist of diva songs. He was still super sick and very tired, so she told him to lie down. He did and promptly fell asleep on his own bed. Tina Cohen Crazy on the other hand, decided to pour out her feelings for her Gay BFF.

 

Tina confessed she read about divas and how they should be brutally honest. So, she said she’s falling for Blaine and that though it could be a tragic thing, she would be in a sexless relationship with him because it would be worth it. She asked him to say something, but the poor boy was sleeping. So, Tina did what a freaking crazy person would do and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. She then straddled him and started rubbing vapor-rub on him, weeping silently as she stroked the goo across his bare chest. Then, she lay down next to him and snuggled him.

 

HOLD THE FRIGGIN’ PHONE, TINA.

 

This was not okay. Regardless that they are friends, one does not partially undress a sleeping person, straddle him/her, rub medicine on them, and then snuggle them without their consent. This was basically harassment… if Tina was a guy and Blaine was a girl, that would have been a clear-cut example of sexual harassment. Actually, what Tina did was sexual harassment. Oblivious Blaine is unaware that Tina has a massive more-than-crush on him. And in this scene, Tina completely took advantage of him. They didn’t have sex, obviously, but what she did was completely inappropriate. I’m appalled that the writers are writing Tina this way with no consequences thus far. This is the third episode where she has used her crush on Blaine to exploit him in some way. She suggested a whole Men of McKinley calendar to see him as Sexy Santa. Now she’s rubbing Vicks on his chest while he’s passed out. It was really disturbing to watch and I feel horrible for Jenna Ushkowitz for getting the worst character arc of all time.

 

While I tried desperately to unsee what just happened, the show shifted back to NYC. It was Midnight Madness (where Brody was the emcee) and the rules were that after the song, the audience stands behind who they think won (and only silent applause…). “This is not a performance; it’s a blood sport.” (I wish, Brody… you told us this was NYADA Fight Club. I wanted to see Kurt punch Rachel, or at least slap her across the face.)

 

Kurt went first, followed by Rachel (though their singing was juxtaposed so it was like they sang at the same time…) and they both sang “Bring Him Home” from Les Mis. As I’m not a Les Mis Stan, nor do I really like this song (sorry, not sorry), I can honestly say that I thought Rachel sang the song better (as much as I hate Rachel, I like Lea Michele’s voice a bit better than Chris Colfer’s…), but I wanted Kurt to win because I hate Rachel. I also wrote in my notes, “oh hey – Adam is at the sing-off.”  When the song was over, the audience stood behind their person, and Kurt won (though Brody said it was the closest margin in Midnight Madness history).

 

Suck it, Berry.

 

In Lima, Sue had Santana in her office and asked if any of the Glee ex-patriots had jobs because they all seemed to have enough free time to keep popping back in town. Santana said she had a light schedule, but the truth was she dropped out of school a month ago. Sue offered Santana the Cheerios, saying she could take over when Sue was gone. Santana was thinking about taking said offer because she’d be close to Brit and had enough money to by a mansion (remember, her mom gave her money last season for college/grown-up responsibility purposes).

 

And then we were back to Crazy Cohen Chang… she ripped a creepy picture of her and Blaine out of her locker and then stormed over to Blaine. Blaine was happy to see her (and called her “Tay Tay” – ew) and thanked her for the soup. Tina flipped out at him because she did so much for him, but he didn’t appreciate it. (Um… he just said thank you for the soup. And you rubbed medicine on him while he was passed out.) We were then in the courtyard where Tina sang Madonna’s “Hung Up” among a group of dancer people. (And I wrote in my notes – “WTF, Tina? You say you won’t settle, but you never had a chance with Blaine to begin with because he’s gay and he has no idea what is going on with your mood swings because he is too oblivious to realize that you like him like that.”) Blaine was confused but still enamored by the performance. And there was a mid-song wardrobe change. I just shook my head.

 

What happened to nice/non-crazy Tina who helped Mike Chang get into college? I miss her.

 

In NYC, Adam and Kurt are talking in the hallway. (For the record, I am totally fine with them being besties. Adam seems nice. He’s just not going to marry Kurt, that’s all…) Adam was very supportive of Kurt’s performance. Then the mean gay guys from earlier sauntered up and Kurt had none of it – he told them they were obnoxious and that they shouldn’t say bad things about Adam’s Apples because then he would challenge them to a Midnight Madness – and they all know how that turns out. Then, instead of having a meaningful conversation with Adam in the hallway, Kurt saw Rachel looking sad and self-loathing, so he excused himself and went over to her t-shirt wearing self. She’s super down on herself and told Kurt that he should go audition for Funny Girl (oh yeah… the big to-do with them this episode was that there were upcoming auditions for Funny Girl on Broadway. Rachel Berry does not deserve this role, btw. And if the writers give this to her, I will yell at my TV more than I already did.).

 

In the glee club at McKinley, the Diva Award went to Tina. (Well, she was the craziest person this episode… so, she deserved it.) I laughed when Brit said “She’s never won anything!” Because Tina hasn’t… unless getting the most f-ed up plot line ever is winning something.

 

In the hallway, Blaine gave Tina a chocolate rose and said he was waiting for people to recognize she’s a diva. He then apologized to her for not being grateful that she took care of him. He then tells her she’s the most important person to him at the school and that he hasn’t felt that way in awhile (what about Sam?!). Blaine then doubly nailed the lid on his own average-sized coffin when he asked Tina to be his date for Mr. Schue’s wedding the following week. (Oh Blainers, don’t use the word “date” around Tina… she’ll think you two are actually going out. I can’t wait for Kurt to give her a reality check next week.)

 

Meanwhile, at the Bushwick Mansion, Kurt told Rachel he snagged them the last two slots for Funny Girl auditions in 3 weeks. Rachel is still moping about because she realized she’s a diva and people don’t like her (ding ding ding!). Kurt was a much nicer person than he could have been and told her that she had been a nightmare, but was a diva because she’s a talented artist. They make up much too quickly for my liking (shouldn’t he be a little more pissed about Brody moving in?), but c’est la Glee.

 

Back in Emma’s office, Finn found her flipping out about wedding plans because she wanted things to be perfect. (Will told her the centerpiece was fine, but she took that to mean it wasn’t…) She got super stressed out and was saying “I can’t do this, I can’t get married,” and things were crazy… and then things got way crazy when Finn told her to stop and then kissed her on the mouth. (At which I yelled, “OH NO” at my television for the umpteenth time that night.) What is going on?!

 

In the auditorium, Brittany tells Santana that she’s not breaking up with Sam and Santana told her to aim higher. Brit knew Santana was not dating Elaine and that she dropped out of school. She also tells her former gf that it’s okay to follow your dreams. (*cough* NYC *cough*) Then Brit said, “Rachel found a new guy and I heard Kurt did too” (Say WHAT now? Adam is not a new guy… I mean, he’s new and he’s a guy, but he’s not Kurt’s boyfriend.). They hug and Santana calls Brit her best friend and then they shared a super chaste kiss. Brit left and Santana launched into “Girl on Fire” … we then saw her leave the halls of McKinley and eventually walk her way up some subway steps and knock on Kurt and Rachel’s door. They were surprised to see her and she said, “I’m moving in.” (Of course she is… I can’t wait for her and Rachel to have some fights. And I hope Santana tries to butt into Kurt’s love life. Just sayin’…)

 

And then the horrible episode ended (thank you Grilled Cheesus) and we got a crappy promo for “I Do” which hopefully means the actual episode itself will be great.

 

Thoughts?  Were you as creeped out with Tina as I was? Were you glad for diva Blaine and all the Santana songs?