‘Sup

My roommate is singing opera really loud in the living room, so my plan to get some reading done has been thwarted for the time being. So, I thought I would offer up some life updates.

I am no longer unemployed.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay – I will now not be homeless in three months.

Granted, I’m still not anywhere close to working a dream job, I can now probably almost completely pay my bills every month, or at the very least be down maybe $100 a month instead of $1200 a month, so that is PROGRESS.

I’m walking dogs. (Yep – see, not a dream job.) BUT, it’s not altogether terrible either. See, I get to play with dogs all day. Yes, I have to walk them, and yes some of them are very high maintenance, but I get to be around dogs for hours and hours a day instead of being stuck behind a desk getting screamed at or worse like at my last job. (Though, one of the dogs and I got a cup of water and then the actual cup thrown at us during one of our walks… and on Thursday some lady shoved me aside so she could get into her car. But I wasn’t hurt or anything. People are just super rude is all.)

So, yeah, walking dogs. I have two college degrees and now I am walking dogs. This isn’t a career for me, but it will pay bills and it lets me have free weekends and the ability to not be homeless. So, I’ll take it. And it really isn’t so bad. I mean, yeah, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows (like, I got poured on the other day because the sky decided to open up in between clients), but it’s definitely not the worse thing ever. Did I mention I get to play with dogs all day? DOGS.

The pay is pretty decent for how little I actually work, though there is definitely room for me to earn more. I’ve only worked 6 days thus far. It’s exhausting and I’m still working on earning trust from some of the dogs (a few of them instantly have taken to me, but a couple are still a little tentative, but that’s to be expected), but it is rewarding as well. It’s nice to get to spend time with dogs again (I miss my dog back in Minnesota like crazy all the time) and I like the autonomy of it. I’m expected to show up at my clients’ houses at a certain time, take care of their dog(s) and then move on to the next place. I have a set schedule that allows me little pockets of down time to read a chapter or down part of a sandwich before I pick up my next dog. What’s great about the company I work for is that we only walk one dog at a time (or two if the household has two dogs), and therefore only walk for one household at a time. It’s very one-on-one and that makes it a lot less stressful. I mean, it’s still stressful, but it’s more manageable.

Like I said, though, I’m exhausted by the end of the day. In addition to walking the dogs, I walk between clients’ houses and start and end the day with over a half a mile walk to/from my apartment to the subway. So, I’m walking at least 5-6 miles a day and am outside for a majority of the day. A construction guy in the neighborhood I work in has already given me the nickname “Miss Ohio” because I wore a college t-shirt one day. (I’m encouraged to dress comfortably because I’m either on the floor with dogs, out walking them, or picking them up to carry them past crowds or construction.) I’m glad that I don’t have to dress up and can wear whatever I want.

I’m also glad that this job allows me time in the evening and on weekends to write. I’m presently in the middle of Chapter 5 of my book. I plan on writing more tomorrow, but the last thing I wrote was the first official meeting of my protagonist and his eventual love interest.

I’ve been reading as much as I can within the same genre (and totally feel like a creeper every time I got to the library and make a beeline for the YA section – oh well). What I’m finding is that of the four books I’ve read in the past couple weeks, none of them have ended wholly happily for the protagonist. His love interest has either gotten the shit beat out of him and/or died. While I am planning for the love interest in my book to get ruffed up a bit, I’m not going to kill him. That would completely ruin the ending I have planned for my boys… and isn’t it okay to want there to be a happy ending? I mean, their lives aren’t going to be perfect by any means, but I want to end it hopeful as opposed to super depressing or ambivalent.

I just picked up another John Green book (“Paper Towns”), which is YA, but not along the lines of what I’m writing… I just like reading his stuff because I like his writing style (even if I don’t always agree with how his stories progress). But, I’m in the middle of reading “Water for Elephants” (also not in my genre, but I like animals and thought the premise was good even if I thought the movie looked stupid). So, I’m hoping to finish “Water for Elephants” tonight or tomorrow so I can get on with “Paper Towns.”

So much to do, not enough time. I wish there were more days to the week so I could read as much as I want/need to and still have copious amounts of time to write.

See, that’s another thing I’ve been thinking about/talking about with some friends… maybe the fact that I can’t find a for real grown up job is that I’m not meant to have one. Maybe I’m supposed to write. I mean, I write all the time (which I still laugh at because I used to hate it so much… and I still find it frustrating, but a good frustrating), but maybe one day that will actually turn into something. Like, maybe someday people will pay me to write. Or pay me for what I’ve written. I have “publish a novel” and “sell a screenplay” on my Bucket List. (I also have “adapt [insert movie title that I’m not going to reveal] into a Broadway musical” on there, but I need to fax the studio to inquire about rights stuff before I get started on that. It’s so perfect in my head, it’s ridiculous.) I really think that can happen someday. I still have two unfinished screenplays… one of those is good, so I need to finish that and my book. I think those would be my best bets at at least getting my foot in a door somewhere.

The opera music has stopped… which means I can read in peace.

I’m going to go to bed early tonight, as I need to be up early tomorrow as a friend has tickets for us to see a 10:00am screening of The Wizard of Oz. (It’s not a guarantee, but we’re going to try and get in.)

Oh – before I go – yesterday I got to go to a rooftop bar in Chelsea for a work thing (not my dog walking job, a different part-time job I have). It was on the 23rd floor of this hotel on 26th street and we had a GORGEOUS view of the city. It was breathtaking. And while I was staring out over my city I thought about the people who told me I would never live here, or the people who told me I shouldn’t live here. But I do live here. I did it – I moved here. I’ve been here for over a year. And damn it, I’m going to be here as long as I can because I love New York City and I feel like I belong here. I can’t believe I ever let those people tell me I couldn’t do it. Well, I did do it. I’m still doing it. I’m still here.

All right – shower time and then READINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Have a good one 🙂

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Social media and the Internet allows us the opportunity to share as much (or as little) as we want.

For example, you’re reading my blog right now… and I chose to type out exactly what you are reading.

When I started this blog a few years ago, it was to chronicle what was going on in my life while I was writing my thesis. I finished writing my thesis over two years ago and this blog has since become a mix of popular culture stuff (movie/theater reviews and glee-caps mostly) and epic monologues about various aspects of my life as I am navigating living on my own in NYC (my One Year Anniversary is next weekend – WHAT?!).

Those who know me best can sometimes read between the lines of what I’m sharing on here and usually can figure out when I’ve purposefully omitted something.

See, when you’re in the middle of a job hunt (like I am and have been for the last month and a half…), you can’t just go around posting all your thoughts and feels on the Internet for everyone to see/read. You need to carefully create this online presence so that when potential employers poke around on the World Wide Web and come across your blog, they aren’t immediately turned off by what you’ve chosen to share with the world.

I Google myself every now and again just to make sure I haven’t written anything that would be harmful to my public image. Besides some swear words on my Twitter and on here every now and again, I think I’m doing pretty well. Lucky for me, the things that pop up when I Google my name are my Twitter feed, my graduate thesis, my LinkedIn page, an article I wrote for VMSD a few months ago and some articles I wrote while at Ohio University. I look pretty damn professional, if I do say so myself 🙂

But that’s the thing… I’m very aware of what I post on here or what goes on my Tumblr page. I will definitely favorite things I like, but I will never reblog someone who has a username better fit for a porn title, or reblog pictures of actors I like just for the hell of it. I want to make a contribution to my readers – not just constantly spam them with gifs of the same thing that’s already clogging up their dashboard.

The thing is, though, some days I would like to just come on here and type out everything that’s flying around in my head – if only to just get it out.

But I don’t. I can’t.

Because the moment I type something on here about having a bad day or bursting into tears while brushing my teeth, someone is going to see that and think, “Oh, I can’t hire her. She seems unstable.”

But that’s not true.

Everyone has bad days now and again. And sure, I get a little sad or lonely at times. But doesn’t everybody?

Are we meant to keep this epically cheery facade on at all times? Sadly, I think the answer is “yes.”

I was on the phone with my dad the other day and I complained about something and he told me “Get a better attitude, kid, because people can feel that bad vibe.” I WAS IN MY APARTMENT. ALONE.

If I’m not allowed to feel a little moody when I’m alone in the privacy of my own home, then when or where can I?

This is why I get headaches. This is why I can’t sleep. This is why I burst into tears while I brush my teeth sometimes. Because I’m being told that I have to keep my negative thoughts in or else someone might see/feel/hear them and we can’t have that now, can we?

I know my dad did not mean for me to just clam up and not tell anyone anything ever, or completely suppress all my thoughts and feelings. He was just saying that in that moment, I needed to have a better attitude about what I was talking about.

However, he’s right to a degree. In our society, it’s really frowned upon if you get down on yourself or express negative thoughts. I mean, people do it all the time (why do you think gossip magazines and crappy talk shows/reality shows are so popular?), but it’s unbecoming if you just air all your dirty laundry for the whole of the world to see/read. If people see that you are sad and depressed right then, then they are likely to assume that that is how you are always.

I would argue that I am a happy person a majority of the time. I have a wonderful family and great friends. I just finished a huge personal writing project and am back to writing scripts. But somehow it’s always easier to focus on the bad things. For me, right now, that’s not having a job, being terrified of my future and watching seemingly everyone else around me getting married or at the very least being happy in a relationship.

I’m working extremely hard on fixing two of the three of those “bad things.” (I’m focusing on finding a job and being less scared of my completely uncertain future… the relationship thing can keep waiting. I have to be happy with myself first, and being financially stable again will be a HUGE part of that.) I have applied to 52 jobs so far this month. (Yes, I have been keeping a detailed list… it’s sad and impressive all at the same time.) And I’ll be applying to a bunch more jobs this afternoon.

I have to believe that something good is on the horizon for me. (See – look at me being all POSITIVE!!! You should totally hire me because I BELIEVE IN MYSELF!!!!!!!!!)

But, when I have a bad day in the coming weeks, you won’t be reading about it on here. Because “here” is online and online is for all to see.

So, I’m up to my elbows in job applications right now (Because, if you’ve read one of my prior posts, you’ll know I was let go from the job where I got harassed and screamed at one a weekly basis…), but I took a few minute break to check Facebook (because that’s what my demographic likes to do). 

Two of my journalism friends from undergrad posted a link to THIS AMAZING ARTICLE by Mark Bors on cnn.com titled “The generation we love to dump on.” The piece is a cartoon/social commentary about the Millennial Generation (of which I fall into, as I was born in 1983). I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry… so instead, I’m writing.

The first cartoon alone was enough for me cringe… I am attached to my phone, I did live at home with my parents for two years after grad school, and I do have a plastic bin full of trophies (that is stored in the cupboard under the stairs at my parents’ house). 

There is this tendency for people to assume that since a number of my demographic and I aren’t married, having babies and taking the world by storm is because we’re lazy.

I would argue that most of us aren’t lazy. It’s that we’ve been set up to fail. (Though, please note that there are people in my age bracket who are doing these things… do you know how many baby pictures I see on a daily basis on my Facebook feed? A lot.)

What really got me seething in this article was the graphic with the red and green arrows with regard to the job market. CEOs and those who are already established in whatever power position they already have are doing just fine. However, it’s those of us who are trying to start a career on today’s wages who are on a downward trajectory. At this point, I still don’t even want to take a retail job because that won’t be enough for me to live on AND it’ll take time/energy away from my job hunt. (I have enough money saved up where I could theoretically not work for 3-4 months and still not be completely broke/homeless… but I also can’t spend money frivolously either. BUDGET TIME, YO.)

I already had my student loan payments reduced once, but I dare not reduce them again, at least for now (even in my jobless state) because I don’t want to pay even more interest than I’m already amassing. 

I’m not lazy. I work super hard and have been working super hard since I was in kindergarten. Part of me wishes I could go back in time and tell little Kate she doesn’t have to get 4.0s all the time because it’s not going to amount to anything 20 years from now. She should have quit school at an early age and gotten a job because she already knew how to read and do math (thanks, parents!), but she was going to need every penny she could get because when she’s two years out of graduate school she’s going to get let go from a job where she is constantly verbally harassed and those perfect grades in grade school, countless of academic and athletic accolades, two college degrees and years of office management, customer service and journalism experience isn’t going to amount to jack shit.

Wow – that got real bitter, real fast. Apologies.

I should probably get back to the job applications because I’m actually doing something tonight! (In an attempt to save money, I haven’t left my neighborhood in about 9 days… but tonight, my theater buddy friend and I are going to the first preview of the new Broadway musical comedy, First Date. I actually felt really guilty when I bought the ticket this morning, to the point where I was almost crying on the phone when I was talking to my mom. But, my mom said she was really glad I was going because I was driving myself crazy with all the worrying and lack of sleep that’s been going on. [I’ve maybe slept 10 hours in the past 4 nights  :/ ])

Anyone else having similar issues with the job hunt or stressing out about feeling so behind in life?

Hello,

I realize I’ve been MIA on here for a bit. A LOT of stuff has been going down these past couple weeks and most of my “free” time (which is a lot these days, as I’ll explain in a bit) has been used writing cover letters and working on a writing project.

So… to start things off, I guess I should inform you that I was let go from my job a couple weeks ago.

I never specified what my job was or where I worked because who knows what people stumble upon on Google these days, but I did post how I was treated disrespectfully by some of my colleagues and other people who I worked around.

I was supposedly let go because the company I worked for wasn’t able to maintain a proper budget. I don’t know how entirely accurate that information was, but at the very least at least I was “let go” as opposed to “fired.”

Fired sounds like *I* did something wrong. I didn’t though. I made sure to ask on my way out…

My way out was one of the lowest points in my professional life. My manager and another person who was higher on the food chain than I walked into my office about a half hour before the end of my shift on a Friday. My manager said, “Whelp, I have some bad news.” Of course, then my office phone rang, so I excused myself and answered it like I was supposed to since I was at work. After hanging up, my manager said, in what seemed like an almost jovial tone, “We’re letting you go. Today is your last day.”

BAM.

No preface, no notice. I actually kind of saw it coming, but the way he said it really upset me because his tone was just so… light.

Truth be told, I’m sure it was a blessing in disguise that I was let go. I was not happy there because of the sexual harassment, the near physical assault, and the constant verbal harassment by one of the other women who worked on my floor. (I told you this, right? She screamed at me on a weekly basis – at one point slapping her hand against my window and yelling that I don’t know how to do my job.) It was not a company I saw a future with because there was no room for growth.

I have been applying for new jobs like a mad fiend over the past couple weeks. That in itself is a lot of work, and I would like to never write another cover letter in my entire life if I could help it. But, I still don’t have a job, so I will continue to write.

I had an interview a couple weeks ago at one of my favorite companies known to mankind. I knew I was likely not going to get the job, but it was still a real honor to even be asked to interview. The man who interviewed me was literally the nicest person on the face of the planet and I walked out of the interview feeling great (even though I knew it was more than a long shot that I would get the job… I got my rejection email the other day).

If we’re being honest here, I’m feeling a little lost. (Well, a lot lost.) I’m almost ay my one year anniversary of living in NYC and I’m jobless with no prospects. I have enough money saved up that I can float a few months… I really want to earn a job that could turn into a career. I have two college degrees, YEARS of office and other experience, and feel that I deserve to work somewhere where I won’t get harassed or screamed at on a weekly basis.

My spirits were super low the week following the loss of my job, so I called my parents to see if I could go visit them for a few days. I did just see them last month for a week while I was in Florida/the Bahamas for my sister’s wedding, but I hadn’t been back to Minnesota to see my dog since Thanksgiving. You know how snuggling your pet makes you feel better? I needed that so bad… so I went to MN for four days and snuggled the heck out of my dog. (My parents even brought her to the airport when they picked me up and my dog gave me a bunch of kisses and then curled up on my feet. I needed that so bad.)

Those four days were heaven. I snuggled my dog, I played ping pong and yahtzee with my mom, and I watched movies with my dad. It was really relaxing. Even though none of my life problems got solved, I could at least have a hug when I wanted one. (Man, I wish I could have one right now… at least I have a half-full tissue box!)

I actually didn’t want to come back to New York. I mean, I did because I love it here, but for a fraction of a second, it just felt easier to call it quits and crawl into a hole somewhere. As much as my parents lecture me that I’m not a failure, it’s increasingly harder not to think of myself that way. Hopefully this feeling is only temporary and I’ll make my way back up from this low point that I’ve seemed to hit.

Selfishly, the worst part about not having a job right now is that I can’t even go see any Broadway shows to make myself feel better! (First world problems, I know.) Luckily, I had already bought tickets to the NKOTB concert, Darren Criss’s NYC concert and the upcoming production of The Cradle Will Rock. I’ve been to two of those events… the Darren concert will get its own post, but let me tell you about NKOTB… oh my goodness.

So, I went by myself to The Package Tour. Tickets were $5 on StubHub and I was not about to miss the epicness of Boyz II Men, 98 Degrees and New Kids on the Block.

Seeing Boyz II Men live and in person was one of the greatest concert experiences ever. They are soooo gooooooood. Like, I’ve had a crush on Shawn Stockman for awhile now (bless you, The Sing Off), but getting to hear him from a few hundred feet away, harmonizing with the rest of the group was just… amazing.

98 Degrees was less amazing. I was never a huge fan of theirs, but I knew their old stuff. (Not impressed with their new stuff… seriously, I’m getting sick of hearing boy bands in their 40s singing about sexy ladies… it’s patronizing.) But, it was still fun seeing them in person because I never had before. I admit to smiling and singing along… “You’re my sunshine after the rain… you’re the cure against my fear and my pain… ‘cuz i’m losing my mind, when you’re not around, it’s all… it’s all because of you”

And then there were the New Kids on the Block.

OH MY GOODNESS

So, I saw the NKOTBSB concert a couple years ago with my sister and it was one of – if not the – greatest concerts I’ve ever been to in my entire life.

New Kids on the Block does not disappoint. They did, like, a two hour set of their old stuff and newer stuff and it was all just so great. I’ve been a fan of these guys for the last 25 years and it’s just a really hoot that they are still around and doing what they do – and doing it well. They are great performers and talented vocalists and five part harmony will always make me a little weak in the knees.

Seeing NKOTB was just really, really fun. And it was great seeing them by myself. I had never been to the Barclay’s Center, but it was really empowering going to Brooklyn on my own and sitting up in the nosebleed section by myself and just enjoying the show. I didn’t have to worry about anyone else – I didn’t have to reign in my feels for boy bands. It was just me and the music. And I loved every minute of it.

The Darren Criss concert at Roseland Ballroom was also one of the greatest concert-going experiences I’ve had, but that boy deserves his own post. And so I’ll get that up soon. (Maybe even with some pictures…)

Have a good one

Yeah, I have not been updating much on here as of late. I apologize to the three people who that affects.

Things have been crazy. Last weekend I was in Ohio for my younger brother’s wedding. It was a bit surreal. Like, I know he’s married now, but it just seemed like little kids were playing dress up and exchanging rings. I was hormonal so I totally ended up shedding a few tears throughout the ceremony. I’m so happy for my brother and sister-in-law 🙂 I wish them all the happiness in their lives together.

I’ve been doing my best here in NYC. My job hunt is never-ending. I apply for more than several jobs a day but so far nothing is really happening. I have landed myself some non/low-paying internships. The monetary situation is not ideal in the slightest (though my parents reassure me I will not end up in a cardboard box), but I have hope that the experience will lead to something better. I start my latest internship on Monday. After speaking with the man in charge today on the phone, I am really excited to be working on this project.

This might sound a little selfish, but I’m super proud of myself. Both of these internships were acquired by me applying myself. I didn’t kiss anyone’s ass. I didn’t get them through anybody… no “friend of a friend” or prior contact. My resume and my interviews were enough to impress people who are established in the entertainment industry. My opinions are valued and I am given responsibilities because they think I have merit. I wasn’t handed anything and I’m proud of that.

 

*shrug*

 

That being said, I should get back to work… I have something I need to read before Monday and I’m trying to finish a project I’m writing for myself. I also need to apply to some more jobs. (Of Course.)

 

Have a good one

So, since I had off today, I figured I would try and straighten up my room a bit – try to get stuff in order. I finished unpacking from last week only to find my pink Darren Criss sunglasses had broken in half. I have another pair, but they are signed, so I won’t be wearing those… I will need to find some pink sunglasses in my near future.

My room is still a bit of a wreck, but at least I can see most of the floor. All the dirty clothes are in a laundry basket. All my magazines are stacked. All my dresser drawers can close without being forced. You know, progress…

I was hoping someone would take my shift at work tomorrow so I could go visit my sister and her new puppy, but that didn’t happen. As sad as I am that I’m not going to be able to see my sister, I guess it’s for the best. I could really use the $30 I’ll be making tomorrow.

I need to find a new job. I have been saying this for a year, but it’s really been too long at this job.

Funny enough, I was very inspired by the movie I watched this evening – Take Me Home Tonight.

Yes, the Topher Grace/Dan Fogler movie.

I found myself very much identifying with Grace’s character. I too have graduated from college (though I made it through graduate school while his character finished undergrad) but have no idea what I want to be doing. I live with my parents (go ahead and laugh… I am super thankful that my parents have allowed me to move back in with them for a bit. I’d seriously be living in a cardboard box right now if it weren’t for them.). I work a crappy job that doesn’t challenge me in the way that a career would. I consider myself a failure, but the truth is, I haven’t tried at anything to fail at anything, so really I’m just underperforming at life.

Well, no more.

I have been and will continue to apply for jobs like crazy. I am determined to move out of my parents house in the next few months and I am going to better my life and be somebody. I’m a smart person. (No really… I am. HS valedictorian. Graduated w/honors from college. Have 2 degrees.) I just lack direction right now. There’s so much I am interested in, but I have this epic fear that I’m not good enough at anything. (This, I’m sure, is a lie. My self-esteem is not awesome, to be honest, and I’m sure that does not help the cause.)

SOOOOOOOO…

I’m going to use tonight’s screening of Take Me Home Tonight as a catalyst for me getting a good job this year and moving forward with my life and career.

I’m not going to have sex with my high school crush on a trampoline. I’m not going to do drugs or steal a car. I’m not going to ride in a giant ball.

BUT, I am going to make strides toward figuring out what I want to do and who I want to be. I’m awesome, dammit. And I deserve to work at a job that challenges me as well as utilizes my skills and talents. I deserve financial security. I deserve f-ing benefits.

So… here I am, ending this post so I can apply to a few more jobs before I go to bed.

Have a good one.

I’m actually watching The Amazing Race and trying to find a video document on my computer at the same time. I uploaded a video I did for an audition and made a copy of it, but I’m having trouble finding the original video now, as I need to delete it b/c I am running out of room on my computer. (I just deleted 2GB of videos in order to try and make my computer go a little bit faster. Stupid .AVI files that are friggin’ huge… bah)

I had off from work today so I spent part of the day preparing for and filming an audition tape for a reality/game show I applied for the other week. I think my tape turned out pretty great. I usually don’t like to watch myself on video, but I think what I put together for this tape was pretty great. I would not be surprised if I don’t get a callback, but it was fun putting the video together. I need to make another video later this week for my Glee Project audition… At the very least, it should be ten bajillion times better than my audition for the first season 🙂

So, on the job hunt front, I never heard back from that phone interview I did the other week. Here’s what I’m thinking – I likely would have gotten the job if I lived in the city where the job was for. I also think that the ideas I had were awesome and that the company will likely still use my ideas even though they didn’t hire me. That sucks, but it’s the truth.

I really didn’t do much else today besides shoot that video and then upload it on my computer (which took friggin’ FOREVER). I need to splice two clips together and then compress it in order to send it to the people I need to send it too. I’ll do that tonight after Amazing Race.

Well… I gotta work tomorrow. Like, all day … 9:45 – 6:15. It’s gonna be a long, slow day. *sigh*

In happier news, it looks like Arrested Development is moving forward with some new episodes, as well as a movie. WOOT!!!!!

Have a good one